Can't wait for DP to finish paternity leave...

[BalliAll]

Been at home with our new baby for a week. Me and DP getting on top of each other. I'm working really hard to get in to a routine and learning to breastfeed, keep the house tidy, etc. He helps where he can and is in charge of all nappy changes, but he is driving me mad. Telling me how to do things when he's done no research at all. He even told me that I need to not always pick baby up when he cries because I will become spoilt, which is ridiculous at 6 days old. He genuinely thinks he is trying to help an doing what is best but I can't wait to just be able to have time on my own to establish breastfeeding which I am finding hard and sleep without him waking me up doing bits and pieces around the house.

Am I really awful for feeling like this? I feel a bit down. Baby blues maybe and have no idea how long it'll last. I love my DP but at the moment am feeling overwhelmed and like I need space.

I probably sound awfully selfish. Just wondered if anyone else had a desperate need to be on their own after the birth of their baby?

"Are you genuinely telling me, the mother, how to handle and nurture my own child. That not a week ago I gave birth to? It's not helpful, and you're making me feel like a bad mother already, please stop"

With some very big side eye!!

I don’t think it sounds selfish. I think it sounds like you’ve just had a baby and that every single thing you and your partner has ever known has been thrown upside down and been liberally scattered with hormones and sleep deprivation.
Have you got some real life support on the breast feeding thing?

If he's the kind who would read research, perhaps get him to read this? It's regarding sleep training but the info also relates to being responsive to babies to give them the best possible foundations for their life.

Of course you're not awful - but do you think you could tell him what you need? If what he's doing isn't as helpful as just being silent and letting you sleep then tell him! And whatever he's doing that you think is making it harder to establish breastfeeding then you need to be honest about that, as letting it go for even a few days longer is going to make your life unnecessarily harder.

But on the 'wanting to be alone' thing - I got that the very first night baby was born! Baby was born at 10pm and they'd run out of space in postnatal ward so we were told we could just stay in delivery room overnight. There was one tiny bed so at 3am I persuaded DH to go home for a bit to sleep - I made it seem like I was concerned about him (and I was, a bit!) but really I just wanted a couple of hours to gaze at my beautiful, amazing baby, just me and him.

I’d be very direct about what I would find helpful, and what I don’t. Eg

‘Don’t be daft, there is no such thing as spoiling a 6 day old baby. Read up on the fourth trimester. When you make comments like that I feel really undermined

I know you want to be supportive - what would be amazing would be if you could prep me a snack and a drink so I can get settled in and get into a groove with this breastfeeding.’

As for you, don’t worry about keeping the house tidy. That’s his job while he’s on leave if he wants to be helpful and needs something to do (my partner really needed to do practical helpful things like tidy).

I did feel slightly mad in those first few weeks... possibly around then I tried cooking for first time (had an ermegency c- section) and found myself bawling. I didn’t want to be on my own so much, but finding your rhythm can feel very important when everything’s so up in the air.

Congrats on your baby, btw!

I felt like that with DS2. Just wanted to be alone with my baby to hold him, feed him and watch daytime tv.
I persuaded DH to buy some storage units from Ikea which kept him busy. I did miss him making my food for me when he went back to work though.

I didn’t feel like this - DH was amazing and very supportive.
Did you talk about parenting before the baby came? Just to see if you’re on the same page?
Someone who thinks you can spoil a poor 6 day old baby needs to be educated! You cannot spoil a child with affection IMO. In actual fact, giving your baby all the nurturing and love care and attention they need in the first year(s) of life make them more resilient and independent as they get older!

He probably feels like a loose end and wants to be helpful. Try to give him something significant to do and big bond with baby time. My hubby was on bathtimes and he loved it. He was very annoying but i put it down to my hormones and asked him to go see his friends for a break