To not know who is telling the truth?

[MessyBedMessyHead]

Here’s the back story:
My DSis meets a guy (A), originally from Scotland, who now lives locally to us in the north of England. They start a relationship.
He was part of a big friendship group and occasionally, these friends visit.
A’s friend, B, was visiting and we hit it off, deciding to stay in touch and see if there is something worth pursuing.
Just before B went home, friend C also visited with a plan to move here permanently.
DSis then finds messages to other women on A’s phone and ends the relationship.
She gets in touch with C to help her get her things back.
C becomes friendly with DSis and tells her awful things about A. Essentially he’s a serial cheat and a narc.
C also tells DSis that B is not much better and has many girlfriends all over the country and is known in their hometown as a player.
DSis demands I end the relationship and sends him a message telling him to stay away from me.
I’m upset by this as I wanted to make my own mind up. From what I know about him, he doesn’t seem the type but what do I know? My gut feeling initially said he is genuine.
I talk to B and he denies these rumours. I feel reassured as I don’t know C - neither does DSis but she says she trusts him.
DSis is saying she feels betrayed that I am still in contact with B as he must have known about A’s behaviour. She doesn’t want me to mention anything about him, even his name.
I tell her to be careful as she doesn’t know C well but she insists he is trustworthy and reiterates the rumours about B. Now I feel insecure again, wondering if the rumours could be true.

I really don’t know what to do. What doesn’t help is that I can’t talk openly with either my DSis or B because she wants to protect C from his friends finding out about his ‘betrayal’ so I can’t say too much of what I’m hearing or how I know.

AIBU to keep seeing B or should I respect my DSis’s feelings and also trust what C is saying too? I am due to visit B soon and I really like him so far but don’t want to be taken for a fool.
Who do I listen to?

Anyone? Feeling really low and alone with this as my DSis is who I share all my problems with

Listen to your own gut. If you want to see how it goes, continue with your plans. You don't know who to believe so make up your own mind. Good luck.

I dunno. I would be naturally inclined to give someone like that a wide berth.

I'm not advocating listening to gossip, but my self-preservation would kick in. There are plenty of fish in the sea, why get embroiled with a potentially rotten one?

And there's no way I'd prioritise a random over what I assume is an otherwise good(?) sibling relationship.

Both these replies demonstrate why I’m so conflicted. Part of me thinks that it doesn’t matter what he’s done in the past anyway. He’s young and single and maybe he’s ready to settle down now? I guess that scenario is not uncommon.

I’m close to my DSis but she’s very black and white about things whereas I try to see things from other angles. It’s also not her opinion of B but rather she is relying on the words of C who she has known for only a week and who has practically moved in with her. She says he has no agenda but I can’t be sure of that - I’ve met him for all of half an hour.

It bothers me that she is so upset about this but I don’t feel like it’s justified. B was in no position to tell her what A was up to since he was his friend. B is not responsible for A’s actions and our relationship is separate from theirs. I think the lines have blurred since it was they who set us up so they both feel entitled to meddle to get back at one another.

Your sister needs to keep her nose out of your business

Has she always been a control freak?

The cheek of her sending a message, telling him to leave you alone!

It's clear you want to be told to pursue it.

That's up to you. It would be way too high drama for me when, as I say, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Your sister needs to wind her neck in.

So what if he's been a player in the past and had loads of girlfriends, doesn't mean he will be like that for the rest of his life.

Go with your gut but if the shit hits the fan and what your sister has told you turns out to be right allow her to say i told you so and then move on.

I do really like him so obviously I would like for these rumours to be untrue but I usually trust my sister’s judgement and her words are ringing in my ears and generating doubt.

Worra, I was particularly upset about that as it wasn’t her place or decision. I guess she feels like she is protecting me.

C clearly has an agenda ie getting a free ride with your dsis. What does B say? Does he agree with C’s character assassination of A? And what does he think of C? Why has C practically moved in with your dsis after a week? Is she quite mad?

Sounds like far too much drama going on here and chances are all 3 of them are/were mates cos they're all dickheads.

Tell your dsis you'll bin off B if she bins off C and you can both have a fresh start without this lot of nobbers. Either B is a dick or C is stirring shit, or both. Sacking the whole lot off is the only guaranteed way to ensure you're both twat-free.

She's not protecting you, she's trying to control you - whether she means to or not.

This would be my main concern right now.

As for your BF, well time will tell whether what's been said is true.

You can't spend your life doing what your sister tells you to do. What if she decides she doesn't like the next potential boyfriend you meet? And the next one after that?

You have every right to make your own mind up about B. It seems to me as though your sister has got too caught up in the drama of it all. Befriending C may well be her idea of getting her revenge on A.

Did B know that A was cheating on your sister?

If A will say/do whatever to pull or keep a woman, and C sounds the same, then there's a good chance that B, being friends with them both, could be similar.

You can't trust your sisters judgement as she was happy with a.
She doesn't want contact with b but is happy to talk to c
All sounds a bit fucked up.
Tell her you love her and you're being careful with this guy if that's what you want but she doesn't get to tell you what to do.

A B and C's friendship group sounds really unhealthy and full of drama. Not sure I'd want to get involved with that nonsense, regardless of B's intentions. I do think can judge a man, partially, by his friends.

It’s not up to your sister who you date. I agree with the PP who said get rid of both because at least one is a liar and you can’t be sure which.

Are you sure AB and C understand the meaning of friendship?

just spoken to DSis and apparently she and C called B to discuss some things that A had been saying about him. She’s now saying she thinks he’s genuine and I have her blessing so I’m really pleased it’s resolved and she can see the side to B that I do. He’s a quiet and introspective person so I don’t think she got to know him that well and obviously not as well as I do. I think she can understand why I was saying the player label didn’t seem to fit.

Thanks for the support guys - it really helped me to understand the issues at play.

If I was B I would run a mile.

Yeah, I’m surprised he’s willing to stick around after this. I do think he genuinely likes me. In fairness, I’m not into drama and I was also dragged into it by A as a way of getting back at DSis.

The thing is, these men are all immigrants to this country having escaped an awful political situation in their home country. They didn’t know each other back home but naturally gravitated towards each other having a shared culture and all trying to navigate their way in a new country. I don’t think they are that close - certainly B has other friends than these people.