We're in our late thirties, married for a year, together for three and a half. DH is piling on the pounds but, I think, in total denial about it. I'm worried because his family is prone to obesity and resulting health problems.

I love and adore him, but I'm also starting to feel uneasy because, apart from being very overweight now, he's letting himself go in other ways too - he doesn't seem to perform basic hygiene tasks like trimming his nose hairs; he sneezes into the air instead of into a tissue, his breath is often bad, and he doesn't seem to care about how he looks at all. He never wears clothes that are appropriate for the occasion - like, if we arrange to meet for dinner, he'll turn up in a crappy, scruffy t-shirt and dirty shoes, whereas I'll be looking forward to a fun, flirty evening and will have dressed up a little.

I know I'm probably going to get flamed but health worries really are my primary concern. I've tried the subtle approach - when it's my turn to cook, I make healthy meals etc. but we spend big chunks of time apart so I don't have much influence.

Also, I'm struggling a little with attraction . . . and this is where I expect to be bollocked

How do I talk to him? I've tried the "oh I'm on a health kick, want to join me?" and "here, mints were buy one get one free, have a packet" and I've even gently joked about his nose hairs (so he did trim them once after a little bit of wounded sulking). I just want him to be proud of himself and make a bit more of an effort . . . I realise that a relationship "settles" and things aren't as heady as they were at the start, but I think this goes further than just getting "comfortable"