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Original poster

How to refuse a gift without looking rude !

30 replies

movin · 27/10/2018 07:40

Help !
I recently did a favour for a friend or a friend, her wedding flowers. (I was a florist while at uni) I offered as i knew she was having a low key wedding and on a tight budget. Loved doing them, I have a very corporate career now and really miss being creative. When I dropped them off for her she was very appreciative, gave me a huge hug and handed me a card. I left feeling happy that I'd done a good deed. When I got home I opened the card to find cash, more than I paid for flowers wholesale. I immediately messaged her saying, you've given me too much money for the flowers- Send me your bank details and I'll wire the difference. Her response was no, that's a gift from us to say thank you !!! And can I send her my bank details to pay me for the flowers. Is it rude to not send my bank details?! I really didn't want or expected to be paid for doing something fun. But I don't want to be rude either !!! Help what should I do ?! 

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 27/10/2018 07:44

Can you just reply saying that the gift was more than enough and that you hope she enjoyed her day and leave it at that?

Oysterbabe · 27/10/2018 07:45

Insisting on giving it back would be rude. Just say thank you.

Oysterbabe · 27/10/2018 07:46

Sorry I completely misread that. I would send them but also say it's not necessary to pay for them and they've paid enough.

Treaclespongeandcustard · 27/10/2018 07:46

I agree with bumble. You did a really nice thing, wish her a lovely day and definitely don’t give your bank details.

OliviaStabler · 27/10/2018 07:48

Send your details with good grace. Tell her the gift was more than ample but here are your details as requested.

MereDintofPandiculation · 27/10/2018 07:49

And also tell her what you've told us, that if anything you're in her debt, for having given you the opportunity to reawaken your creative side.

FireworksAndSparklers · 27/10/2018 07:50

The reason it's rude to refuse a gift is because the person giving the gift really wants to do it and you are, therefore, actually bring unkind to refuse it. I tell my children that if a gift is so big it makes them feel uncomfortable, of course you can protest mildly once, but if the gifter insists, then you're actually giving them a gift by accepting it joyfully. It will make your friend's friend feel happier knowing she has given you something to thank you for the very generous gift you gave her - not just the flowers but your time and skill. And you enjoyed doing it. And she is enjoying giving you something in return, so let her do it Smile

MrDonut · 27/10/2018 07:51

Keep the cash that you've been given, but don't send your bank details.

skippy67 · 27/10/2018 07:52

Just say thank you. Don't embarrass her by making a big deal about it.

BiteyShark · 27/10/2018 07:54

I would keep the cash as she really wants you to have it and would feel bad if you returned it. I would however tell her the money she sent was more than enough to cover your costs and you were delighted to do the flowers so she doesn't need to pay you any more (and not send her your bank details).

underneaththeash · 27/10/2018 07:54

Take her out for a nice meal with it or the theatre? I wouldn't feel comfortable keeping the extra either.

CecilyP · 27/10/2018 07:54

No, I don’t think you need to send your bank details. Just accept what she has given you with gratitude, say it was more than enough and wish her well.

PenelopeFlintstone · 27/10/2018 07:58

Tell her the money was more than enough for the actual flowers, and that you'll use the rest to buy yourself something nice, and thank her very much for that. And also say what fun you had doing them, etc.

I think you shouldn't send your bank details as, whatever you say to the contrary, it will look like you are happy to receive the second lot of money.

Wondermoomin · 27/10/2018 08:00

Definitely don't send your bank details! What Penelope says above is spot on.

NancyDonahue · 27/10/2018 08:49

I think it would be rude to keep on about giving the money back. Your friend is obviously thrilled with the flowers and wants you to have the money.

I agree with previous pp. Offer to take her for a meal or get some theatre tickets for the two of you. Whatever - just use it to have some quality time together. You both sound lovely!

Merryoldgoat · 27/10/2018 08:54

Send your bank details, thank her profusely and tell her that you will use the gift money to do a creative course/go away for the weekend/special meal etc that you would not normally do.

Just be flattered you did such s great job and she loved them so much.

PenelopeFlintstone · 27/10/2018 10:51

Is everyone getting that there are TWO different lots of money?

Thanks @Wondermoomin - I don't hear that often! Grin

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 27/10/2018 10:54

Holy shit! A non cheeky fucker thread.

winterisstillcoming · 27/10/2018 10:57

Pay for a floristry lesson with her x

KC225 · 27/10/2018 10:59

Gosh what a nice post. Someone was asked to do a favour at a wedding. Favour was happy to be given, and well knock me down with a feather, the favour was appreciated to the point of a gift! OP you may just have to put one of those 'trigger' markers on the title. NOT ONE CF mentioned.

Agree with the post above keep the cash, don't send the bank details.

SoupDragon · 27/10/2018 11:00

Reply thanking her and saying that the gift is more than enough and that she doesn't need to pay more. If she then insists, give her your bank details and accept with good grace.

MorningsEleven · 27/10/2018 11:03

I would keep the cash, tell her she's been more than generous, that you won't accept another penny, and it was a huge honour to do the flowers.

If you have the means and the time and you want to flex your creative muscles you could maybe do something like my MIL who makes bouquets and takes them to libraries and community centres so that the staff can give them to clients who they know are a bit lonely or struggling.

Weezol · 27/10/2018 11:06

Tell her the gift more than covers it. If she gets insistent, don't give her your bank detsils, suggest a local charity that she could donate to instead.

PerkingFaintly · 27/10/2018 11:38

"Thank you so much, I really didn't expect that. The cash is more than enough to cover the cost of the flowers (I still have my wholesale contacts!) And my work was another little wedding gift from me to you.

"Actually it gave me so much pleasure to do them. Can't tell you how much I've been missing my creative side now I'm all boring and corporate! So very glad you liked them, and thank you for giving me the opportunity to do what I really enjoy!"

Original poster
movin · 27/10/2018 11:39

Thanks everyone. I think I'll message back saying that you so much and what a beautiful gesture. Forgetting to include bank details.
If she asks again, will send bank details graciously.
Seeing her at an event in a few weeks, will be buying her many many wines !!!
Loving all the CF comments .... and to the poster who suggested gifting flowers to people in need. Going to investigate that for creative output.
If I could be a florist in 'real life' I would, shame my mortgage doesn't feel the same! 

OP posts:
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