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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be absolutely gutted I'm not going out tonight

44 replies

yellowducky · 26/10/2018 22:15

Sorry this post is pretty lame but I have nowhere to vent

Had a Halloween party tonight to attend with my friend. Been scheduled for AGES!
I'm a recently separated mother of two who rarely goes "out out" so I was very excited! Childcare arranged, costume on...
Half an hour before my friend was coming to pick me up.. she sends me a text that she doesn't really feel like going anymore :(

Gutted doesn't cover it :( sitting there on my sofa feeling like a total twat with my Halloween costume on with a bag of wine I honestly could of sobbed.

I'm now watching crap TV in my pyjamas still feeling like crying. I won't dare start on the wine as I fear I'd sink three bottles!!
No idea when the next time I get a chance to go out will be :( absolutely GUTTED

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/10/2018 10:30

That's actually really shit of her.
Even if she doesn't have kids, and doesn't "get it", it's still very rude, thoughtless and flaky of her to cancel at a moment's notice.

I'm assuming you don't really know anyone else at the party? but even if you do, it can be daunting to go on your own if you're not sure of the social group etc.

So sorry - that would make me very cross and upset too.

BigChocFrenzy · 27/10/2018 10:52

That's very inconsiderate of her, but what stopped you from going on your own ?
You'd already sorted childcare and costume

If it was transport, was she aware this would stop you going - in which case she is a shit, not a real friend.

it if's just you don't like going to parties on your own, well that's something you need to work on
Don't be dependent on others unless you really have to be, e.g. severely disabled.

ilovesooty · 27/10/2018 11:05

I go to loads of stuff on my own but I still think this so called friend has behaved appallingly. I can see why the OP didn't want to go alone after being dumped by someone who treated her with a total lack of respect.

gamerchick · 27/10/2018 11:12

It's shit when a friend lets you down. Next time you arrange something with her ask her if she's going to commit because you were massively disappointed the last time.

I don't know why you just didn't go though. Although I appreciate it might be a bit tough to turn up at a party on your own.

mum8196 · 27/10/2018 11:33

I wouldn't make plans with her again.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 27/10/2018 11:41

Turning up to a party on your own is not for everyone. I wouldn't like it unless I knew a lot of people there, so I don't blame you OP for not going alone.

Lemondrizzlecake1 · 27/10/2018 12:26

Unfortunately people who don’t have kids don’t always understand how much hassle you have to go to to just have a night out like this. Good friends of mine were due to have an evening out with another couple of friends of ours, non child couple cancelled as the couple with kids had arrived at the restaurant. Childless couple said “we’ll have to rearrange we are pretty tired after work!!” Child couple have 3 kids getting a baby sitter is difficult to say the least. They still haven’t rearranged another evening, child couple said the most annoying part was that they just thought it was nothing bailing last minute.

I wouldn’t bother going out with this friend again, she’s flakey and a bit selfish to be honest.

NotANotMan · 27/10/2018 12:28

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to go to a party on your own!

Lifehappens1991 · 27/10/2018 12:36

Hi love,

I can completely understand your disappointment, it is a real let down from your friend. I am guessing she does not have children of her own and unfortunately some childless friends don't quite truly understand how rare and special a wee night can be for us mums!
I have a good friend who doesn't yet have children and one time she almost bailed on me for a night out I was so looking forward too but she quickly realised how disheartened I would be and she sucked it up and came along only to have a great time! I would suggest you let her know that although it might just be another party for her this was quite important to you and that when you agree to attend such events there is so much organising and effort for you to do before you even get out the door! Lack of understanding and minor selfishness from your friend in my opinion. I would let her know xx all the best hun and don't worry you'll get out again and because it's not often you'll love it more than the rest

AlphaBravo · 27/10/2018 13:13

One of my 'closest' friends did this on my 30th birthday because she "had a headache". I've still never really forgiven her. I spent my 30th birthday in a launderette drying towels and then was involved in a serious car crash on my way home (not my fault, someone turned in to my lane).

Same 'friend' also decided after not even 2hrs out in town (my first 'night out in 2 years!) that she wanted to go home because the venue was 'annoying'. I just wanted a fun night out after a shitty 2 years. She didn't get it. I got a taxi home on my own before 10pm and cried silently the whole way home.

She recently said when she has kids I'll be one of her only 'supports' as her partner is in the Navy. I actually laughed and asked her why she thought I would have time to do that when I have my own kid - and she has never even offered to so much as hold him while I do some hoovering 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't think she thought I was being serious. I feel bad but I'll be smug if she does have kids and I'll be the one going on nights out and have my life back by then.

WhateverHappenedToTheHeatwave · 27/10/2018 14:01

Yanbu tk be upset. I dropped a friend, prekids, for this unreasonable behaviour. You need to bd honest with her how you feel. She will keep letting you down.

ShinyMe · 27/10/2018 16:01

If your friend isn't usually flaky and prone to dropping out at the last minute, I'd be concerned that perhaps something could be wrong at her end. I am someone who has in the past cancelled at short notice because of pretty bad anxiety and depression.

Shoxfordian · 27/10/2018 16:07

Can you go on your own? Do you know anyone else going? Rubbish of your friend

JustDanceAddict · 27/10/2018 16:08

I hate flakiness and would be upset too.
If I make an arrangement with one person I go unless I am struck down by serious lurgy. If it’s a group arrangement I may decide more last minute but I never promise to go in that case (large group from work for example).
Being ‘tired’ isn’t an excuse. Just have a coffee and get on with it!

TacoLover · 27/10/2018 16:15

If you're ever in a similar situation again u should go alone, an opportunity to meet new people and have some fun!

areyoubeingserviced · 27/10/2018 16:23

I fell out with a friend over something like this.
We had arranged to go out to a jazz bar. I hadn’t been out for ages so was excited. I had my hair and nails done and bought myself a new outfit. My dh was to look after our dcs.
We had agreed to meet at my house at 6:30pm.,When she didn’t turn up I rang her up .She told me that her new boyfriend had just turned up and she couldn’t be bothered to go out.
She couldn’t even be bothered to even lie
I haven’t spoken to her since

straightjeans · 27/10/2018 16:33

Go solo, make a new friend/friends.

straightjeans · 27/10/2018 16:34

If you can get hold of a time machine that is.

SerenaOverjoyed · 27/10/2018 16:38

I don't have kids but this would still really piss me off, especially as it's halloween so you've bought a costume.

I'd be telling her I'm pissed off too

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