If I speak to the nursery about this, am I “that parent”?

[ThereGoesTheAlarm]

Urgh.

DD1 loves nursery. She is four and this is her last year there. It’s a private nursery and there is a group of about five or six of them who will go to the same school together in August.

One wee girl isn’t being very kind to DD. She keeps telling her to go away, won’t play with her etc. I know she’s only four. But DD has come home all upset tonight because this girl told her to go away again today and left her to play alone. DD is a sensitive and quiet wee thing and she feels things deeply. She’s now saying she doesn’t want to go to nursery next week. This is a first. She adores nursery and the staff are fab.

I wouldn’t be batting an eyelid generally I know it’s just kids being kids. but this wee girl is going up to school with DD and you know how sometimes you can just sense trouble ahead..?

I haven’t explained this well. There aren’t many girls in the class. By late afternoon there can only be three or four and this wee girl will play with the other girls and not DD

No, you wouldn't be "that parent". It's completely normal for children of this age to have friendship issues and the staff will be used to this kind of thing. If you mention it they'll know to keep an eye on DD and step in if necessary.

I would have a quiet word, to be honest they should have clocked this themselves.

I work in a nursery and would want to know this so that I could support that friendship group and your dd, please don’t worry. Go in and talk to them.

Absolutely do tell the staff how you feel - we had similar when DD was in preschool and they took it very seriously.

Talk to them.
I had to speak to nursery when two children were repeatedly giving DD wrist burns. They hadn't noticed it and once I told them, they kept an eye out and engineered opportunities to keep DD and the other two children apart.

We talked to DD at home about how you don't have to be friends with everyone, you don't need to be rude but not everyone is someone who you will want to play with or who wants to be your friend.

Definitely speak with the nursery. If the room are aware of it, they can keep an eye out and step in where necessary to point out that it's unkind to leave people out etc.

Thank you. I will definitely speak to them then. Will they speak to her mum? I like her mum (although I don’t know her well) and i would just like to be prepared if this is going to be a thing.

My eldest is now 9 and the one thing I’ve learnt is never be afraid to be “that” parent. I really wish I had done so in the past. You need to be the advocate for your children

I doubt they would speak to the other mum, it sounds very minor. Probably just encourage a bit more kind words or find other children for your dd to play with.

When it happened with DD’s class they had little projects on friendship and socialising and read stories about it. They also encouraged the children to play in different groups and rotated them so little cliques weren’t allowed to fester.

They won't speak to the Mum, they will deal with by separating groups, keeping an eye out etc. Speak up for her, she can't!

Agree with WardrobeDoor.

What’s wrong with being THAT parent if you’re acting in your child’s best interest? I’m more concerned about my children than what other people think of me.

OP believe me, doing that would not make you into THAT parent. You would just be a normal parent looking out for your child and trying to make her happy. Never ever be afraid to do that. She needs to know that a such a young age she can rely on you to make things better for her when you can. Have a quiet word with nursery. Even if they have a word with the girl’s mum there’s no need for them to tell her it came from you. They will be used to dealing with situations like this.

I will always advocate for her. But I am trying to keep things in perspective, that’s all. I know they’re only four. I know this sort of thing is quite normal. I just had no idea how to deal with it and my concern I guess was that I’d go into the nursery to raise it and they would be like get a grip

From a teacher’s perspective “That” parent is the one that storms into school and demands to speak to the Head because their DC tripped over a loose stone on the playground or something. OP you sound very reasonable and the situation is one that can be fixed if you raise it like you have done here with the nursery staff - you definitely wouldn’t be “that” parent! 😊 I hope it all gets sorted!

It's ok to speak to the staff. I worked in a nursery where this was a problem. One particular girl would exclude one girl out of the group of girls. I just split the group, one inside one outside. No one got left out and the power play didn't work with the girls who played together.

There is no such thing as ‘that parent’.

It’s just a thing that teachers say to get parents to shut up and not make a fuss.

There is definitely such a thing as "that parent". Its the parents that storm in, blowing things all out of proportion and asking for special treatment for their DC.

That's not what you are doing at all. You sound very rational. As a reception teacher I'd want to know this was going on. Like others have said I'd keep a close eye out and do some work on friendships/kindness etc. Lessons like these are a hugely important part of growing up. They are essential social skills that it's a school/nursery's job to try to nuture.

They will have no problem with you bringing it up and I am sure will sort it for you all.

Thank you