AIBU to rant on here to prevent myself from silently imploding?!

[hxckedoff]

Ugh!!!!

I work so hard to make everything nice for my family
All I think about, all the time is how to give them the best and make them all happy

And all
I get is shit in return

I never get any help or support
I'm undervalued and unappreciated
And I'm sick of it

No
One ever thinks about me or my feelings or my happiness

Silently imploding won’t help but telling them how you feel, in no uncertain terms and possibly a degree of force, might.

What do you need to change for things to get better?

@AnneLovesGilbert just tried that...again for the millionth time and response this time is as usual my own fault. Everyone else is bloody perfect and I'm so full of faults

My feelings are totally ignored and I'm always blamed

If they won't listen, go on strike. See how long it takes them to realise that there is no magical tidy up fairy or dinner elf.

Just pull back a bit and look after yourself more. They will respect you more. Have your own life. Plan something nice for yourself. Don't be a martyr looking after them all the time. Put yourself first for a change.

You have to quietly prioritise yourself more. ‘What’s for dinner?’ ‘I don’t know darling, I’m going to a movie’. Or ‘I’ve cooked myself a salmon fillet, if you haven’t planned anything I suppose there’s beans on toast?
‘Where’s my homework?’ ‘I don’t know’. Where are some clean clothes? ‘They probably haven’t been washed yet- have you done any washing?
Practice calm withdrawal and think about what you would like to do with your time/ what you feel like eating etc.

What matters to you doesn't always matter to other people. It took me years to cotton on to that.

Do what you need to make you feel OK about it, but do it for that reason and no other.

YABU if you're just going to rant here and go back to being a mug.

YANBU if this is a step towards not being a martyr anymore.

Do you want to give us some examples?

You have to quietly prioritise yourself more. ‘What’s for dinner?’ ‘I don’t know darling, I’m going to a movie’. Or ‘I’ve cooked myself a salmon fillet, if you haven’t planned anything I suppose there’s beans on toast?
Where’s my homework?’ ‘I don’t know’. Where are some clean clothes? ‘They probably haven’t been washed yet- have you done any washing?
Practice calm withdrawal and think about what you would like to do with your time/ what you feel like eating etc.

Absolutely this

Solidarity fistbump.

OP if you act like a doormat people WILL wipe their feet on you.

Stop being a martyr. Stop doing everything for everyone - the more you do, the less you will be respected and appreciated. It is not fair, not logical, and i am sure lots of people will pile on and tell me it isn't that way in their family - but in my experience very very often the case.

You are not a slave nor a servant, so stop being so servile.

@timeisnotaline I don't go out by myself

Only with my partner

I don't drive anymore and have social anxiety. I don't have friends

My entire life is about my family

i think you know they are taking advantage of you, how can you start to do a bit more on your own?

My situation is slightly different to yours op in that I'm a single mum. But I just want to say I understand how you feel. Sometimes I just want a hug, an adult conversation which focuses on me or just someone who will shoulder some of the burden.

Your dp doesn't sound very supportive which is an awful Shane. It's his hon to look after you emotionally; support you, be interested in you and pull his weight around the house. If he won't do that, you really need to step back a bit and do less. Focus on yourself more. Have a nap. Go and read a book in the park/cafe. Go to a gallery. Art is healing. Can you take up a hobby? Volunteer? Pos have suggested very useful responses to family demands. Let them take care of themselves and put yourself first for a change. You sound like you're burnt out.

Sorry for typos. I'm on my phone.
*shame not Shane!!
*It's his job
*pps not pps

For God's sake.. new phone driving me mad

Well then you are making a rod for your own back - but despite your "rant" I rather suspect that you relish your martyrdom.

Your life, your choice. But dont expect support, gratitude or appreciation when none has been forthcoming up to now!

What is achieved by venting on here? This is the life you have embraced and accepted. Hundreds could post sympathetic noises and virtual hugs, but this is the life you have chosen so don't whinge about it.

Loads of posters will give you very good suggestions to get yourself out of the hole that you have dug and jumped down into.

You will take no notice and change nothing I suspect.

That’s fine - don’t go out. Or just walk around the block. Skipping and sit-ups in the back garden. Read your book, surf the net, learn how to knit, watch a box set, just decide on a way to spend time and do it, and tell your kids and dp you haven’t cooked dinner, done the washing etc. Honestly you do not even have to enjoy what it is you have decided to do, you just have to suffer through t for a week and pretend you do, because the point is that your dh and children need to get the message that you are allowed to choose what you do with your time. You are not their unappreciated slave.

Grab a meal on the go before you get home and put dh in charge of everyone else. Learn to delegate.

Are you getting help to deal with your anxiety? Or do you just stay at home alone until your DP comes home?