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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go on a night out when signed off sick from work

33 replies

fanroyalcake · 26/10/2018 19:03

Name changed for this.

I’ve very recently been signed off work due to mh issues. This wasn’t an easy decision, I felt so guilty, it was discussed, lots, with my mh team and doctor beforehand.

Ive suffer from bulimia/anorexia for more than half my life, there’s other bits and bobs but this is important for context. I have young dc and haven’t been out in a long time.

It’s not that I even feel I “need” a night out. It’s not so much the going out but the being able to actually do it, if that makes sense 🙈 I’ve avoided it for so long and I believe I need to start living and seeing my friends again.

I hated being around food, anything that involved eating I would avoid. It’s still really early days but I feel ready to do it!

The plan is that we eat then go out afterwards, nothing (too) crazy.

I just feel terrible that I’m signed off work and it appears that I’m off taking the p. It really isn’t like that. I know this but I’m sure word will get back to my work.

I suppose this is an aibu and wwyd?

OP posts:
Hamsterwheelz · 26/10/2018 19:07

I was signed off work for depression and was actively encouraged, by my doctor, to get out and about as part of my recovery.

Contact your GP and ask for advice.

If your medical issue is an eating disorder, then an outing that involves you eating may be beneficial.

Gnomesofthegalaxy · 26/10/2018 19:08

I don't think yabu but I wouldn't go personally. I would be too afraid of it getting back to work and looking bad and that would make it too stressful for me.

tiggerbounce77 · 26/10/2018 19:09

Sounds to me that going out is a positive step forward in your recovery, I would go for it.

RebelWitchFace · 26/10/2018 19:11

YANBU, completely different if you were off with a broken leg or a bad back. It will probably help being out and able to enjoy yourself.

flossietoot · 26/10/2018 19:13

I think if signed off with mental health it is ok! Maybe just don’t put it on Facebook or if you have a good relationship with your manager you could even phone them and explain.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 26/10/2018 19:14

You are not unreasonable to go out if you feel you can manage it and it might do you good.

My beloved 17 year old daughter is in recovery from very severe anorexia. She was out of education for 18 months. And spent some weeks in hospital. But there were occasions within this period that she managed - with my encouragement - to socialise. It’s a horrible, horrible illness. Do anything that gets you through.

I wish you all the best.

LethalWhite · 26/10/2018 19:15

For mental health reasons, I think it's fine.

For the flu/D&V/back pain etc it's definitely not OK.

Alienspaceship · 26/10/2018 19:15

I’m old and very unfashionable - so I do believe in discretion.

runsmidgeOMG · 26/10/2018 19:15

Yep ! Not at all UR When DH was signed off with MH one of the first things the DR said was make sure you go out and see people !
Have a great time ! 

MajorArcana · 26/10/2018 19:16

I clicked on the thread to say don't do it if you value your job but reading your OP, you should value your health and your recovery more actually. If it will ''feed your soul'' then do it! Enjoy it!

Original poster
fanroyalcake · 26/10/2018 19:16

Thank you @Hamsterwheelz. I really hope your feeling better.

Sorry I know no one likes a drip feed but I should have mentioned that I discussed this with my therapist yesterday. She was really encouraging.

Should have also mentioned that my friend (who’s birthday we’re celebrating) has a friend who is really close to someone who I immediately work with. Sorry again, hope that makes sense. I feel like joey off friends right now 🙈

Anyway that’s how I think (know) it will get back to my manager.

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 26/10/2018 19:17

I don't think you are being unreasonable, however, people generally aren't very understanding so I'd be very careful about being seen, and definitely keep it off social media.

mycatplotsdeath · 26/10/2018 19:17

Being signed of Work "sick"
Means you are unfit for work not for life.
Go out and enjoy!

Mondaytired · 26/10/2018 19:18

Okay in my books and wish you a speedy recovery... one thing I’d say is don’t get involved on any photos that could end up on social media.. or tags. People can be unkind and lack understanding so best to stay clear of that type of thing

SideEyeing · 26/10/2018 19:19

I spent a years in and out of hospital as a teen/young adult with anorexia. One of the hardest parts of getting better for me was facing social situations again - I would argue that it's actually really important for your recovery to go if you're physically well enough and can trust yourself not to let a change in routine upset other vital parts of recovery. Once I finally started having a life again it was easier to stay motivated - I had something to lose if I relapsed.

It's a horrible illness and steals years. For what it's worth, I never thought I'd get better or that I'd be able to accept being physically healthy yet here I am :) You're in my thoughts; it does get easier.

OscarWildesGreenCarnation · 26/10/2018 19:20

Absolutely fine. It sounds a positive move, and I hope it helps you. If your doc or therapist suggested it, then all the better. Sod your manager, if they want you back well, then they have to understand. I'd keep away from social media like FB though, just knowing others' reactions. Thinking of you Flowers

SideEyeing · 26/10/2018 19:21

That should read years, not 'a years'. My fingers are being stupid today.

runsmidgeOMG · 26/10/2018 19:21

Maybe if you're concerned it'll get back in the wrong way call your manager and say your therapist has advised you go.

Not that you SHOULD have to explain yourself to them but it may help you enjoy yourself without the fear of unjust repercussions ?

Original poster
fanroyalcake · 26/10/2018 19:23

Oh wow wasn’t expecting to many replies so quickly.

Thank you @tiggerbounce77 from the other responses I am going to go for it.

@RebelWitchFace I think it will too

&flossietoot I definitely won’t be putting it on Facebook! I just know it will get back to my manager.

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood thank you so much for your response. I know the hurt and suffering this causes families and I genuinely wish your daughter all the best in her recovery. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
fanroyalcake · 26/10/2018 19:28

Even more responses. I really appreciate the feedback. This is why I posted in aibu, people throw no punches and I want/need honest opinions.

@SideEyeing thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s so encouraging to hear from someone who has been through it, that it does get easier. At the moment I’m still quite anxious but actually feel ready to do it.

Previously the thought alone would have tipped me over but I feel ready (somewhat 🙈) thank you.

OP posts:
PoesyCherish · 26/10/2018 19:34

As someone who suffers from poor MH and have been signed off in the past for it, I strongly recommend you do go out. If your manager mentions it to you, just explain your therapist thinks it's a good idea. Staring at the 4 walls of your house is only going to make your MH worse so if you want to get better, it's really good to get out and about. I say this as somebody who's been signed off for physical reasons and staying in all day is having a detrimental affect on my MH.

harrypotterfan1604 · 26/10/2018 19:39

My only advice here would be please don’t post on social media about it if you have work colleagues on there.
I have a colleague who was signed off sick for very personal reasons, I’m a nurse went to my shift and had the shift from hell because she wasn’t in. That’s one staff member missing made a big difference. I break on my 12 hour shift and off two hours late because I hadn’t managed to do all my
Jobs. Very very stressful day and I actually cried at home I don’t cry often. I then opened Facebook and saw her big smiling face with a cocktail in hand and the post said something like all you needs is a cocktail. I was absolutely furious! It felt like she was running it in my face. I now know why she was off and don’t wish it upon anybody but I still feel that she shouldn’t haven’t posted it on Facebook.

It sounds to me like it would do your recovery the world of good so I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all. Just please don’t post about it on Facebook 🙈

lilyheather1 · 26/10/2018 19:40

Absolutely go out! Smile if you feel happy enough to be around food in that capacity then going out with your friends is a fantastic way to celebrate and recognise that. Best of wishes for your recovery OP, have a wonderful night and enjoy yourself x

Wifeofapostie · 26/10/2018 19:42

YANBU... maintaining some normality and friendships is so very important. Your Doctor signed you off as not fit for work at the moment, not not fit for life. Go out, enjoy your evening, share your experiences with your friends and allow them in to support you. (Know you limits with alcohol and medication ect) my DH is currently signed off with ongoing MH issues, we have this conversation every time I ask him to pop out for milk, meet friends for coffee ect.

Glumglowworm · 26/10/2018 19:46

YADNBU

it’s not food poisoning, it’s a mental health issues. There’s a huge area in between being housebound and fit for full time employment. The worst thing you can do for mental health is shut yourself away from everyone and never go anywhere or do anything.

when I was off work with mh issues I continued to volunteer with Guiding, I had a couple of relaxing short breaks in the uk, met my best friend for food etc. I was open about all of it with my manager and occupational health who all agreed I was doing the right thing. If my colleagues bitched about me at the time, no one has ever mentioned it to me, so I don’t really care. I’ve done really well at work since returning, so I’ve let my performance speak for itself.

I wish you all the best with your recovery! Please don’t feel guilty about doing what you need to get better