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AIBU?

Xmas budget

19 replies

Stephthegreat · 26/10/2018 18:44

We are thinking of cutting back this Xmas.Normally we buy aunts,uncles,parents,ds is and BIL and PIL all presents (probably about £20- £30) each. We have two ds who we want to spent more on and have only one income coming in.

AIBU to cut back the gifts for family and spend more on ourselves? I feel horrible being mean at Christmas but we now want to spend more on the children.What do other people spend on family?

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TidyDancer · 26/10/2018 19:00

My DM and DSis I spend about £100 on each but don't buy for other extended family. DP is responsible for his side but I reckon he spends about the same (parents and DB).

We spend about £200 on each of the DCs, maybe a bit more.

Whether you're reasonable or not depends on whether the ones you don't want to buy for are likely to buy for you. It's less than two months until Christmas now and people may have already started buying. Also possibly relevant is how much you spend on the DCs now and what you would increase it to.

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MrsPear · 26/10/2018 19:08

In my family I just send out an email around September stating our personal budget per person and ask for a wish list. Although we are readers in our family and non snotty. So a couple of paperbacks or a m&s jumper makes people happy.
The children’s budget is three times that of the adults. As my dad said Christmas is for children. I always find the money grabbing adults a bit pathetic tbh

New year - h’s family celebration as they don’t do Christmas - is a different budget but similar amounts.

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Bimgy85 · 26/10/2018 19:27

Yanbu

Our family are very close and years ago agreed to get eachother cheap presents ranging from €10-20 (my sisters, bil, mom, dad etc)

It works very well, funny cheap presents are best, then save the rest of the money for children and treats for the entire family, drinks, food etc

We have a large family Christmas so someone takes the expense of alcohol (100/150) someone the crisps/chocolate (100) and vice versa

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BaldricksCoffee · 26/10/2018 19:33

DH's family have a good system where all the adults names go into a pot like a secret santa, so each person only buys for one other. OH's excepted though, and you can't buy for the same person you bought for the year before.

Maybe suggest something like that?

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user1493413286 · 26/10/2018 19:38

What about suggesting secret Santa with the ones who know each other and agree a decent amount on the gift. I know lots of people who do that. You might find people are relieved as it gets so expensive and there’s so many people to buy for it’s hard to put the thought into everyone

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Annandale · 26/10/2018 19:42

We stopped giving presents for adults years ago. Not quite no presents though - still give to partners and small presents to parents, like a book and some home made preserves of some kind. Would that work?

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dreamyflower · 26/10/2018 19:44

Yanbu, we do a £10 budget for each parent and siblings without kids. Extended family such as aunts and uncles get a card and something homemade. Only have one grandparent and they get something made. Me and my brothers don't buy for each other as we have kids so buy them instead. Christmas to us is more about food, company and games. We've never spent a lot and we never had a lot spent on us. We spend £150 on each of our children. DH and I don't buy each other either.

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User9870 · 26/10/2018 19:44

We don't buy for adults in the family just for the DC. Spend about £10 on each of them.

DH and I buy a little something for each other but not huge amounts...maybe £30-40 max. DC get around £100 spent on them.

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Moominfan · 26/10/2018 19:52

In my family we're not fussed about spending loads at Christmas. Not many kids so we'd all rather do without the stress. We have a secret Santa 30pp between me, my siblings and mum.

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sugarplumfairy28 · 26/10/2018 20:16

We have also had a change of heart regarding Christmas. We used to buy for DM, DF, FIL, SMIL, MIL, BIL, SSILx2 and partners, DB, DSIL, and then nieces and nephews on both sides. But it has become one sided, one set of parents expect! gifts but do not reciprocate, some parents of nieces and nephews send a list of excessive gift requests but do not buy for our children at all. With a budget of around 15-20 for each and an alarming amount of birthdays throughout December, we're just throwing in the towel.

We will only buy for children whose parents make an effort for ours I don't mind at all if their budget is less, it is the thought and effort, and will buy for select parents. Children are budgeted at 20-25 and adults will get something handmade by myself. This will allow DH and I a budget of around 100 to spend on eachother rather than the usual nothing, and around 300 ish for our own children.

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Havaina · 26/10/2018 20:25

Sugarplum, that sounds like a good plan. Can't the believe the CF parents who don't buy for your dc but give you a list for their dc Shock

I suspect you will get a few 'but won't anyone think of the childreeeeeeeen' type posts.

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KingBee · 26/10/2018 20:43

10 years ago I had 40 people to buy for and I hated Christmas - it was one big long to do list and now I only buy for my parents - no other adults - dh and I are so over the gift giving full stop. And then we give 2 nephews £25 and they give our 2 dcs the same - it's a bit stupid but it will all stop at 18. I buy for the dcs and even then I am cutting back they are getting a stocking and a cheque. And every year I pare it back a bit more and you know what I am actually starting to enjoy and look forward to Christmas...to the sparkly lights, carols and lovely consumables.

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Somewhereovertherainbow13 · 26/10/2018 20:57

We do a £10 secret Santa for the adults and only buy for children. Nieces and nephews I tend to buy presents I know they’ll like rather than a set cost but anything up to £100. Our own dc again we go on presents rather than cost ds1 is only 7 but already wants expensive gifts whereas the younger ones are still happy with cheaper things

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Maccycheesefries · 26/10/2018 21:03

Have a look on the Christmas bargain thread in the Christmas section for discounts & special offers. I've picked up really expensive gifts for a fraction of the price by following the bargain threads.

It's not unreasonable to want to cut back & make savings. Christmas is more for the kids so I'd stick to buying for the children in the family. If you have to buy for adults then just buy a token gift for each family and cut back again next Christmas. Plenty of offers on wine, chocolates and board games at the moment.

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Didiusfalco · 26/10/2018 21:05

How about cut back to £10-£15pp and use the rest for dc/you? I think you’ve left it a bit late to have the ‘lets not do presents’ conversation but could definitely scale back.

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Maccycheesefries · 26/10/2018 21:12

Thread 8 - Wooden fruit is 3+ because it fucking hurts when chucked at you

Somehow the link didn't work but here's the title of the thread & it's on the Christmas board.

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EmUntitled · 26/10/2018 21:53

A while back we changed Christmas for the adults in the family and did a sort of secret santa. Everyone bought one present for £50 for one other family member. This way everyone had something to open and it was usually a bigger present, rather than loads of £15 items. It also cut down everyone's budget.

We used to have women buy for women and men for men but you could do it however you wanted. It is a bit nicer than just cancelling presents altogether as everyone still gets something to open on the day.

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sugarplumfairy28 · 27/10/2018 08:31

Havaina The predictable guilt trip about the other children used to bother me but the last couple of years where we've had to seriously compromise for our children has stopped that. With there being so many other children, 16 other gifts which is 240 - 320 at 15-20 each its not possible to sort our children out first and then magic up 16 gifts with whats left, thats not even including adults. We've whittled it down to 5 children and 3 couples and I actually feel relieved.

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Nitrostormi · 27/10/2018 08:52

Yanbu. I am not giving to friends this year and less to family. I am a lone parent who really struggles financially at Christmas. I want to enjoy Christmas and spend most of my budget on ds and nice food. I told my friends and family a few months ago and I think they are happy with it.

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