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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit put off at the gym

23 replies

clover321 · 26/10/2018 18:32

Recently I started going to the gym with my partner after a year or 2 off. I went by myself the other day, it was quite busy, and I was using a Youtube video to do some arm exercises with light weights. I was keeping an eye on my form in the mirror etc, but all of a sudden, a Personal Trainer came over in the middle of training someone else, snatched the weights out of my hands and told me I was doing it wrong. He stood over me for the next few minutes making really small adjustments to the arm movements I was doing, it felt really petty, and I was so uncomfortable being touched by a stranger. People were looking over, especially the person he was training. When he finally left I felt so embarrassed!
AIBU to find this a bit much? I'm sure he had good intentions, but
physically taking the weights away when I wasn't putting myself at risk (very light weights) seems a bit weird? I showed my boyfriend what I was doing originally when I got home and he was baffled, as it was a simple bicep curl you can't really get wrong unless you're curving up your back, which I wasn't!
I don't like the feeling that I'm being watched at the gym, I've had bad experiences before when some guy posted creepy pictures of me at the gym online, so maybe I'm a little oversensitive, but I've been really put off going to the gym alone now. any thoughts?

OP posts:

PJBanana · 26/10/2018 18:42

I’ve had weird experiences with personal trainers before. Try not to let it put you off!

In the past I’ve found that people have strange ideas about “form” when weight lifting, and I’ve had the odd bit of mansplaining from men who like to tell me I’m doing it wrong (sometimes these men are in poorer physical shape than me, I have been lifting weights for a couple of years now).

It doesn’t happen often, but I usually just say “thanks for your input but this is how I’ve been shown how to do it” and move away.

Don’t let it put you off going! (And I hate to admit it, but I definitely prefer going to the gym with my DP - seems to put other men right off talking to me)

Kattyy · 26/10/2018 18:52

Well, if you really hated it, you should have said it. He probably just tried to correct your technique, in case you will be moving on to heavier weights after a while. Free weights are really easy to get wrong and muscle memory after a while rather hard to correct. Think it was a nice thing for him to do. Regardless, if you felt uncomfortable, a polite "thank you, I'm ok" would have probably been more than sufficient.

AssassinatedBeauty · 26/10/2018 19:08

No, he shouldn't have assumed he could take the weights off her and touch her without asking if it's ok! Just to go over and jump in like that is not ok.

I'd mention it to the gym management and emphasis that he made you feel uncomfortable and you didn't agree to him touching you.

Original poster

clover321 · 27/10/2018 00:10

Thanks for your advice, I think it was his manner that was off putting, ie touching me and snatching the weights. If he had asked if I wanted advice sure, but in hindsight it wasn't a big change to make to my form, I'm wondering if he's just into mansplaining!

OP posts:

AlexanderHamilton · 27/10/2018 00:14

You could do yoiurself more harm than good if you were using the wrong technique with the weights.

The personal trainer was being ethical correcting you.

LordNibbler · 27/10/2018 00:32

There are ways of correcting people if they are doing something wrong. And that is to offer advice and then give it if the person wants it. Taking weights away and touching someone without permission is certainly not ethical.

Mum0fteens · 27/10/2018 00:38

Yanbu I'm a regular gym goes and have been for years I would have snatched them back off him and told him to back off. This is not how a PT should be approaching anyone in the gym. Log a complaint with gym manager if you're uncomfortable confronting the PT.

PlinkPlink · 27/10/2018 00:45

Can you put a complaint in? Not acceptable to be that way with clients who use the gym.

If you had asked him that would be different but you didn't. Even if he had asked you first if you wanted some help, as he could see you might need to adjust your form, that would have been better than just marching up to you, taking the weights out of your hands and mansplaining a simple bicep curl.

Seriously. I would be very pissed off at that. I found men look at me oddly if I went into the weights area. Id just stare back like "Yes? And?" Just the stares pissed me off, Id be fucking livid if a man took my weights off me!!

Original poster

clover321 · 27/10/2018 01:27

Yes the stares are so irritating! It's 2018, a woman can lift a bloody dumbbell if she wants!

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/10/2018 01:28

No one touches me without permission. That's really bad behaviour and he should know better.

RJnomore1 · 27/10/2018 01:31

Welll
If a woman lifts a dumball in away that may hurt her if be disgusted at a pt who didn't stop her.

Or him.

You've just started. Someone tried to help you. If your technique is off you can lift massive weights but not make a difference AND risk hurting yourself -yes from minor variations -if you're ok with that hey ho. I'd be grateful for the free support personally.

Dontfeellikeaskeleton · 27/10/2018 02:10

The personal trainer was being ethical correcting you.

No, he was being a feckin pain

Aquamarine1029 · 27/10/2018 04:24

Don't ever hesitate to tell someone to back the fuck off and leave you alone.

HirooOnoda · 27/10/2018 04:57

I am not sure his intentions were entirely positive, it is likely he was attempting to secure more business, at the very best. I always find men in this position love to mansplain to us helpless ‘girls’ 🙄

I mean, how could we possibly understand the mechanics that lay behind lifting a weight

Flyaway78 · 27/10/2018 06:11

Even when I’ve had my own PT in the past who is instructing me he/she has always asked if they can manipulate my movements or whatever by touching me.

I would definitely complain him. Too heavy handed and should have asked permission.

TheStoic · 27/10/2018 06:18

Think it was a nice thing for him to do.

Doesn’t sound nice. He sounds like a complete dickhead. Don’t let him put you off.

BrightLightsAndSound · 27/10/2018 07:31

As a woman who has just started to get into weights, I haven't had guys correcting my form but I have had guys come over and start discussing my training plan with me which I find really annoying because everyone has a different view so it just ends up being confusing.

I decided that what works for me is to do am upper/lower body split four times a week. So i do upper body twice a week and lower body twice a week.

Doing it this way saw me gain muscle pretty quickly (from a starting point of zero muscle and strength). So many guys tried to get me to follow their plan: dedicating whole days to just shoulders and pecs for example, really breaking the week down into highly specialised days. But they all had a different view of how to do it. I actually tried doing it that way but felt I wasnt working muscle groups often enough to get results.

The point is: I never once, and I mean once, saw them interrupt a male newbie to offer these pearls of wisdom. Iy may come from a good place, but its also patronising. Let me come to my own conclusions like the male newbies.

spicedemerald · 27/10/2018 07:32

Yanbu about feeling uncomfortable-it sounds like he approached it in entirely the wrong way and he shouldn’t have touched you or the weights without checking.

Having said that I do think that PTs have a duty to offer their assistance to people if they aren’t doing something correctly. He may have noticed something in your form that needed correcting-surely it’s better to do so now, when you are on light weights, rather than letting you carry on? I wish more PTs at my gym would offer to help people (in the appropriate manner obviously) because I see poor form all the time and know if it was just tweaked the excercise would be instantly more effective. I would want to know if I could improve what I was doing-that’s why I’m there after all.

gothefcktosleep · 27/10/2018 07:34

PTs in gyms are like wasps at a picnic, they can totally ruin the experience.

Joey7t8 · 27/10/2018 07:49

Should’ve told him where to go, especially with the physical contact. And I wouldn’t be surprised if his client was a bit pissed off that he was concentrating on you for five minutes of the hour that he/she had paid for as well.

I imagine that he’s done a basic 5 week PT course, is a bit keen and now thinks he knows everything.

45redballoons · 27/10/2018 08:04

So he was actually with a client at the time? I’d have been seriously pissed if I were paying for time and he were taking my time to correct someone.

If it really was just bicep curls then he is ridiculous as although a common one done wrong (hello all you swinging about folks, stand still!) I can’t imagine anything that made you look in imminent danger, so really no need to interrupt. PTs and instructors at gyms clearly sago around correcting everyone and they should speak to you first. The only time it has happened to me was about my squat depth, they told me I was going too low and that was impacting my squats, which wasn’t right, I have a big list of what impacts my squats and it isn’t that! But it makes you feel like they are watching and it’s uncomfortable

GemmeFatale · 27/10/2018 09:02

I’d let the reception desk know. It’s not good business to be touching customers without checking it’s ok first or to be embarrassing them in the gym.

Conseulabananahammock · 27/10/2018 09:06

I got told by a personal trainer i shouldn't be using the barbell and the smith machine as i was only little, body weight exercises would be fine. Patronising shit bag. I can deadlift over 70kg. Woudlnt have minded his input as much if he wasnt massively overweight and clearly unfit. Just ignore them and carry on. Apparently us mere women shouldn't use weights .

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