Rent, rules, reasonable?

[MMB00]

I have 4 sons, between the ages of 23 and 18. I am now in the situation where all four of them are living at home, as adults in full time work.

We live in London and it would be extremely expensive and unaffordable for them to live anywhere (nice) so makes sense for them to be at home, and there is plenty of room.

However we have told them we expect them to pay 'digs' and they are all happy with this arrangement. However we obviously don't want to profit from them being here, but would like the amount to be enough that they have the responsibility and obviously this is including food (which is very high for 4 young men).

Does anyone have any ideas about prices, or additional responsibilities that should be included. Often find myself treating them all as if they're still 14 even though I try not to!

Back when I was younger, we paid 50 pounds a week and were expected to cook one night a week, clean up after ourselves and just generally help out. That was basically token rent as lived in a main city and included all good etc

I'd charge them no less than 75% of whatever they'd be paying for rent in that area. If you don't need the money then how about putting it into a savings account and gift it back to them when they get married or buy a house?

This. Get them ready for independence. Don't baby them. Though I agree that reducing the amount for younger ones is fair.

I'd argue that making sure they cook, clean etc is even more important.

Hahaha 75% of rent in london WILL be more then total wages earned by most people. They would not be able to save at all and the OP would be purely profiting from that.

250 a month sounds fair unless they are only earning 400 or other low amount.

How is it preparing them for independence when all you are doing is taking the vast majority of there wages and then expecting them to save what ever little is left? (The poster saying 75% of full market rent in london is roughly 700-900 pounds per month for dives think shit area with black mold through out in a shared house type dive)

I had one live at home and one live out. I charged her slightly less than a room in a shared house would be (£400 per month, went up to £500 when she got a better paying job). Banked the money. When she moved out divided it equally between the 2 of them and paid half each into their pension funds.

Worked for us.

I’d charge £500 each: it’s less than they would be paying on the open market! I’d then save some of that for each of them to give to them to help when they move out

The problem with only charging the older ones not the others is that they have different salaries and one of the younger ones earns considerably more than one of the older.

2 have stable salaried jobs, one a grad scheme in engineering the other an apprenticeship for a bank. The other two one works freelance so has no consistent salary, then one works at a shop on Oxford Street.

I figured asking them all for a basic amount, they could all afford is the fairest way, the reason they are living at home is because we live in a nice central area of London. For one room in this area they'd be looking at over £1000, the room would be half the size and the flat/house wouldn't be to the same standard.

Difficult to decide what is fair.

So they'll be paying you £1000 a month to live there between them, does it cost you that? If not I'd charge less on the understanding they are saving to move out.

They aren't learning financial responsibility if you're the one saving the excess, they need to learn to do that themselves

DB and I paid £25/£30 a week each contributed to cleaning, cooking etc and both owned our own properties in our twenties because of the amount we'd been saving (south East zone six) , if we'd been blowing all our money DPs would've had a different stance

I think £250 is more than fair, I live up north and my mum charged me £200 a month which I was more than happy to pay! £250 sounds cheap to me for where you are. They aren't going to get a better deal anywhere else are they ??

I'd charge them an accurate split of their share in the family food budget.

I'd show them the bills for electricity, gas, water, council tax, broadband, tv etc and get them to pay their share. Assuming 2 parents and the 4 of them, then they should pay 1/6th of everything.

Then I'd make them set up standing orders to transfer a regular amount every month into a savings account towards their deposits on own places. Even if the 18 yr old could only manage £50 a month, it will start a positive habit. Otherwise they will still be in the same situation in 5 years time.

£250 and an expectation to muck in with housework and do their own washing/keep their rooms clean sounds good to me.

With regards to the snug I'd just say "get what you want and decorate it however you like" but I wouldn't contribute money towards it. They are capeable of sorting it out themselves I think. But I suppose I'm thinking of it as their room so if you intend it to be a family space then you will probably want some input.

*They have been asking for a while for this to be re-done (it does need to be re-done) and making it a games room, table tennis, table football, some sofas and most likely playstation/xbox or similar. I was considering asking them all to pay £100 towards new things (me and DH will cover the rest within reason) and making them paint it, organise it, sort it out themselves..."

Make them pay for it. They are adults earning wages, not teenagers.

And no, I wouldn't charge the same to the eldest, working in a graduate engineering role, and the youngest (if it is the youngest) working in a shop.

My kids are small, but my own mum asked me to contribute £50 a week from the age of 18. I was studying locally then, but my boyfriend (now DH) has started working (earining probably £50 a day, self employed) so it was a shared contribution. We had our own room and bathroom, and I thought it was fair. When I was older, and got a job, I moved into a annex with my boyfriend, which my mum owned. It wasn’t done up to rentable spec then (it was OpenPlan for example when the kitchen needed to be enclosed to be legal do health and safety) so she wasn’t losing out on rent, but I covered heating/electricity and council tax etc, and obviously all my own food etc)

I was working by then, but earining close to minimum wage, and BF was in and out of work due to the recession. We were also very wasteful and didn’t learn how to budget, was always in our overdrafts, had lavish holidays etc.

My mum didn’t need the money, she had lots of property and is very wealthy, and what she should have done (in my opinion) is to take a larger chunk of my wage from me/us. She could have kept that as a deposit for a house or something.

We were adults and should have just learnt, but the only way we have really learnt the value of money is to have our own house/mortgage and live through it.

If it’s a long-term thing due to the location of their work, I would say they should definitely contribute a meaningful figure you can keep aside for them if you don’t need it, or use a portion of it for food/bills.

Or, better yet, get them to set up a savings account to direct debit over a chunk for savings (they’ll never get it so good in terms of being able to save) and a small one for you to cover bills:food for you.

If they’re four young adults, all working, have they thought about a flat share in London? It might be slumming it a bit but they must want their own space?

To clarify, the savings they set aside would be for them, for a house deposit or whatever in the future.

I'd take a percentage of their wage to make it fair between the high and low earners.

But that’s not fair on the one that’s worked his bollocks off on an engineering degree to get a decent job Olivia, if he then has to pay more than the one who picks up a bit of freelancing as and when.

A bag of shopping for dinner or a month’s internet costs what it costs regardless of your salary, or how many hours you work.

If the oldest two hadn't moved back would you be charging the tw 18 Yr old? It's a bit like we'll your older brothers moved home so despite supporting them entirely when thry were your age, you ow need to chip in to help be cover their costs.

If you do a fixed amount it needs to be low enough for the poorest paid to still save and live. I'd do a % but I'd do a smaller % for the twins if you're adamant they have to pay their way too.

They will still end up with different amounts of money left because that's how our choices affect us. You can't take all their wages and give them an equal amount back!

My son since 17 has paid £200 a month, he does his own washing, cooking and shopping. Pays for TV licence as well. If he moved out, a room in a house is £500 plus round here.

Olivia there's no proof on here that the one who worked the hardest is earning the most. The grad scheme could pay shit in which case a % is fairer than most of his wages whilst the well paid bit sporadic freelancer is left with loads every month.

There isn't actually a fair way of doing it that will please everyone

@yetwig so £400 plus his own food plus TV licence, is probably £500. Surely the point is to cost him less so he can save to move out

I would say 30-40% of their wages. 20% to go to you and the other additional % to go into a savings account for them. They can redo the snug from it when there is enough money, use it to pay for car, driving lessons, holiday deposits etc.

2 of my grown up ones (20 and 25) are living with us and we've been charging them £100 each per month. That's about a tenth of their monthly wage. That covers the roof over their head and the utilities. They buy about 70% of their own food (we supply the basics - bread, butter, milk, sugar ect) and they buy 100% of their own toiletries and clothes.

It's about to go up to £200 each because we're doing massive home improvements which will benefit all of us and that will help us pay for them. I feel mean but when you do the sums and look at what it would cost them to live independently you see that it's a bloody bargain!

DS 25 pays £250 a month plus buys own lunches and things like snacks or drinks
He helps with cooking and washing up
Does own ironing
He also cleans bathrooms and dusts and polishes