To ask for hints and tips on tantrums

[Mandapanda85]

I'm at my wits end with my 3yo. He tantrums. Not frequently but badly.

Today - all the way round Tesco. Because he wanted a kinder egg. I said yes as he'd been a good boy all day, but he wanted to hold it in his hand whereas I wanted to put it in the trolley to stop it melting. I told him this. Cue monumental screaming, followed my me re- telling him no. Continued screaming. Gave him a warning, and put the egg back. Told him screaming is bad and he wouldn't have it now.

He screamed for the entire shop, loudly..

Home time - tried to get him into his car seat. He arched his back and point blank refused. I even asked a man a couple of cars away to ask him to sit nicely (sometimes it works if he's asked by someone else). The man just looked at me, sneered and said no. I was so upset at this point I just didn't know what to do. I ended up having to force him into his car seat, while he continued his tantrum. That was a massive struggle and I got so cross I shouted at him.

I've said no TV for rest of day, he's apologised for behaving badly and said he was angry. I get it - but how on earth do I do this? He's so strong and I don't want to hurt him getting him into the car seat but I've no idea how to manage this.

So AIBU to ask for your tactics in dealing with a 3 year olds tantrum? Hellllllllpppppp!!!!

Pretty much sounds like exactly what I would have done in that situation. Mines just turned 2 and we've been having our share of tantrums lately.
Sorry I have no other advice. 

Getting the treat at the beginning of the shop is possibly the wrong way round...?
Maybe next time you are shopping and he asks for something, don't pick it up straight away. Say "We'll see, if you are a good boy you can have it when we have finished shopping". And then go and get the treat at the end. That will hopefully give him the incentive to control himself. If he does as he is told, then he gets a treat. If he doesn't behave then he doesn't get it. And be consistent.

Thanks Baldricks I hadn't thought of that at alllllll - I'll definitely do that next time! Thanks!

Re getting in the car seat, put him on the floor, let him tantrum. After a couple of minutes he will give in and get in properly I promise!

There is no way of dealing with a tantrum, you just have to stick to your position and continue kindly but firmly to do so. If he screams he screams.

I really really wouldn't use a random man as an authority figure, you're giving away your own control of the situation. Not a good idea long term.

I also agree with getting the egg at the end of the shopping trip rather than at the start.

Sometimes you just have to force them into the car seat, there's no way around it. If you're getting too cross then maybe change the scene for a while, take him for a walk around the car park or something and distract for a while. Then try again.

If mine won't get in the car seat but is in the car then I'll tell him to get in and shut the door, stand outside and wait but not look at him. 9 times out of ten he'll give up and get in with the added bonus you're not listening to the screaming right next to your head!

I wonder if he was tired/sleepy/ hungry hence just prone to tantrums, worth considering. Shopping at Tesco might be tiring and overwhelming for 3 years old. Also could you give him a little task while shopping e.g. holding a list?
I used distraction a lot, also avoiding certain shelves and constant talking.

I remember a very similar epic melt down in toys r us. DS 3 wanted a ride on toy. He tried it out around the shop and loved it. Rode it to the till, was inconsolable when we took it off him to pay. Even though we tried to give it back, he refused to look or listen. Tried taking him and it to the car. Epic meltdown. Took about an hour to get him in to the car seat. Put the damn thing on the seat next to him, which made it worse. He screamed the entire 40 min journey home. Then giggled and played with his new toy like nothing had happened.

Some will think I shouldn't have given it to him, considering the fuss he'd made. I don't think he understood that we were not taking it from him. Then in the car he could see it but not reach it. 3 is still very young, it's difficult for them to communicate and cannot rationalise things such as waiting until 'the end' when it's different every time. And there is no concept of just 5 mins.

Give him a break. But I agree, chocolate treat at the end so it doesn't melt. But kids need to experience melted chocolate too, so they understand why we tell them not to hold it firmly in their grasp for the next hour!

Thanks all - I've calmed down myself now and will definitely take on board your replies. Thank you!

9 times out of 10 the child is either tired, hungry or over stimulated.

The tantrums I don't know, I was hoping to pick up some hints on here but my one piece of advice is pick your battles. Does it really matter if he held it? It would hardly melt into a puddle, and would have saved all the agro