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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To pay friend to do my week of brownie lifts

41 replies

Workreturner · 26/10/2018 17:36

I’m part of a brownie rota for taking and collecting 4 girls.

I collect the girls at the end of brownies 3 times a month.

However I have just got a job and I will be home working from home on that particular day.

Would it be unreasonable / daft / or even offensive for me to ask one of the other mums to do my three journeys a month.

It involves picking up 3 other girls besides my daughter and dropping them back. 8 minute drive there, 15/18 minute drive back to include the three drops offs (all live within 100 metres of one another).

If you don’t think unreasonable, how much. I was thinking £5 a journey but please do tell me if you think not.

If it’s relevant, the woman in question is a childminder.

Thanks so much.

OP posts:

Slappinthebass · 26/10/2018 17:55

Maybe ask everyone in this arrangement as a group message so as not to put pressure on one person. Make it clear why and not because you are lazy. I'd maybe offer to pay another child's brownie fees in exchange for this arrangement, as I think that works out about the same amount of money but sounds more appealing.

Original poster

Workreturner · 26/10/2018 17:57

£30 a term for brownies so I’m offering more if I pay 15 a month.

I think best I look in to an alternative

Thank you all

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 26/10/2018 17:57

I’ve always had lads of arrangements like this because I live rurally. Never been a problem to pick up slack if one of us can’t do it. Means there’s a lift or two in the bank- which is always good!

Cachailleacha · 26/10/2018 18:01

Sounds like you've been doing more than your fair share though, there are usually 4 weeks in a month, so 8 journeys, and you have been doing 3? Could the other parents pick up some of the slack for a while?

Original poster

Workreturner · 26/10/2018 18:09

No i haven’t been doing my fair share

I won’t bore you with the details but everyone has been hapoy because fair

I have decided to look external
Thanns

OP posts:

Original poster

Workreturner · 26/10/2018 18:10

I haven’t been doing more than my fair share

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 26/10/2018 18:17

Why not just ask the others? Surely that would be better than having to get them to agree to some other, external person being involved?

BikeRunSki · 26/10/2018 18:41

These types of arrangements are rarely about cost, and much more about convenience.

BertrandRussell · 26/10/2018 18:44

And about helping each other out-which is why to OP should ASK!!

Tahani · 26/10/2018 18:49

Can't you take your lunch break then or work after?

What were you doing before?

nokidshere · 26/10/2018 18:52

If I were part of a rota and one of the others couldn't do it I'd just slot it in with mine to be honest. If I'm going anyway what's the problem.

I would also have no problem with someone saying "sorry my work hours have changed and I can't do it anymore would you mind still taking her. I'm happy to pay petrol costs"

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 26/10/2018 19:10

I would ask the others first as they might prefer to pick them up if paid for it rather than a random nanny.

Butterymuffin · 26/10/2018 19:12

Yes, while all the parents taking turns undo lifts is one thing, not everyone would go for the idea of an outsider they don't know ferrying the kids around. Still not clear on whether your work situation will be permanent?

halcyondays · 26/10/2018 19:22

We have a similar lift share with dd and 3 other girls, and one of them couldn't do lifts any more because of work. She now just gets picked up by the others, and nobody thinks its piss-taking or anything like that. The parent has always been the first to offer people lifts for help when needed in other situations with no thought of it being reciprocated.
I don't move in the kind of circles where you consider hiring a nanny to do Brownie runs.

Maybe you could offer to do the runs if they have any activities at weekends or on other occasions?

theymademejoin · 26/10/2018 21:21

I think it depends on the relationship you have with the other parents.

If you are pretty friendly and willing to give lifts where possible, then I'd have no problem just absorbing your share of the lifts, although I would find it insulting to be offered money.

If your only contact is the lifts for brownies, then it would be a bit off to ask them to do the collections for you.

I have given lifts that have not been reciprocated at all in 2 different circumstances. One was a good friend of my child and I had to be there anyway as I had a second drop off. Parents gave me a completely unnecessary (to my mind, as not expected) gift at the end of each term. I never minded doing the lifts. The parents gave my child very occasional lifts.

The other was a person I didn't know, my child was not particularly friendly with, who asked the other person in the car pool, whom she knew vaguely, could we give her daughter a lift him from an activity. We agreed. She made vague noises about taking a turn but was never available when it was suggested. We got pissed off.

She asked again the year. We agreed but did up a rota so she does her turn.

I would definitely find it insulting to be offered a fiver to do the lifts. If you have the type of set up where you can ask them to cover for you, do so. If not, make alternative arrangements for your own child.

Sparklfairy · 26/10/2018 21:33

I dunno. If I was a mum with no other commitments that night and you asked, and I could do with the extra £10-£15 a month after fuel... I don't see why not.

In principle I can see why pp are saying no though. But in rl we help each other out.

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