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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not insist the frenemy is invited

22 replies

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 26/10/2018 13:49

My soon to be 8 year old dd has a birthday coming up. She only wants to invite a handful of kids(less than half the class) Which is fine. But she is agonising over inviting a girl who is honestly not very nice to her... I told her not to bother, but she is afraid this kid will "double hate" her and give her a hard time over it. I told dd to blame me, say mam says only x number allowed or something.... Not sure if I'm steering her right here???! Any words of wisdom....? (I'm a little nervous of this kid's mother also, so I know how dd feels Blush)

OP posts:
BifsWif · 26/10/2018 13:57

I don’t think she should invite her, it’s her party and she shouldn’t be worrying about someone who is mean to her being there.

FishCanFly · 26/10/2018 14:18

don't invite

Original poster
Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 26/10/2018 14:23

Thank you! My instinct says don't invite.... But my inner child is screaming "we don't want someone to double hate us" !!😂
Shush inner child, instinct has the floor!

OP posts:
InstagramPork · 26/10/2018 14:26

My DD is the same age and was in a similar position. She decided to invite her frenemy and now they are really good friends. It turned out this other little girl was a bit jealous that my DD was becoming good friends with her best buddy and thought she was being pushed out, so she’d been acting not very kind to my DD.
When DD invited her to her birthday party is was like an olive branch to her, they’re now lovely friends.
Is there a similar thing going on here? Does the other girl think your DD doesn’t like her? If that’s the case then it might be a nice way of healing the rift

Original poster
Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 26/10/2018 14:31

They did used to be friendly, but dd just said she (the other girl) is nice some days and not nice others, and also tells other kids not to play with dd..... I'm saying frenemy, not bully.... Maybe worse than frenemy but not as bad as a bully iykwim?

OP posts:
MadameButterface · 26/10/2018 14:33

Don’t invite.

This is the age that these weird little friendship things start to happen, but it’s a reasonably harmless, age appropriate and straightforward life lesson: if you are sometimes a bit of a cow to people they might start avoiding you

Original poster
Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 26/10/2018 14:43

My sentiment exactly Madamebutterface

OP posts:
Orangecake123 · 26/10/2018 14:44

Don't invite!!!

Teach your daughter she doesn't have to be "nice" to people who don't treat her right.

(I only learnt this at the age of 26.)

Allthewaves · 26/10/2018 14:46

As long as your not inviting all the girls in the class except her then I would let your daughter decide

toxic44 · 26/10/2018 14:50

Orangecake12 I didn't learn that until I was 45, so you've done better than I did.

DailyMailFail101 · 26/10/2018 14:54

No I wouldn’t invite her, in some weird twisted child like way it will give your daughter power over the other child I don’t think think she will ‘double hate’ she will be nice hoping for an invite!

Gemini69 · 26/10/2018 14:55

Don't Invite ....

Original poster
Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 26/10/2018 14:56

She wants to invite 6 out of class of 25,mix of boys and girls. I definitely wouldn't let her invite all bar one or two, that's actually how the whole conversation started

OP posts:
SugarCoatIt · 26/10/2018 14:59

Another one saying don't invite

AJPTaylor · 26/10/2018 15:11

Don't invite. Role model to your dd that only good friends are deserving of your treats and cash

strawberrisc · 26/10/2018 15:17

If she were inviting the rest of the whole class I’d say invite. 6/25 though, don’t grace her with your time and money.

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2018 15:37

Another one saying don't invite.

Kids need to know that not being invited to parties, is a direct consequence of being horrible to the person whose birthday it is.

Except nowadays with 'whole class' parties, they tend not to learn this as they get invited anyway.

Screaminginsidemeagain · 26/10/2018 15:45

Don’t Invite. You need to set the example to your DD that this girls behaviour isn’t acceptable.
We had issues with the same child all through primary, in reception I made it clear that I wasn’t happy with the way this girls behaved towards any of the other children and she wasn’t A friend to anyone. If ever my daughter was in favour andask for this girls to come around I would say no and explain the reasons why. The girls never changed, she got worse if anything.

Original poster
Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 26/10/2018 20:53

Thanks for the replies. I am reassured that she's doing the right thing!

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Dollymixture22 · 26/10/2018 21:14

Agree. Birthday party should be free of frenemies!

arethereanyleftatall · 26/10/2018 21:24

The only way this could be not a nice thing to do is, if they go around in a group of 8, and this child is the only one in the 'group' not included.
I'm only writing this as my dd has recently been in the receiving end of this, so I'm completely projecting. What happened was...
Other child invited 3 friends to her bday. Other mother thought fine, less than half the girls, no problem. What she didn't realise was that the girls go round in a group of 5, so my dd was deliberately excluded.
Dd can be a bit bossy, so could be termed as not very nice, if a one-sided story is told, but this girl definitely gives as good as she gets.
I read your op, and it was almost exactly as if the other girls mum had written it, but I know it from the other side.

mummysherlock · 26/10/2018 22:36

This girl hasn’t been very nice to your dd so no party invite. Simples.
Your dd should be able to celebrate her birthday with people who make her happy and not have to invite someone who has been mean to her for fear of being ‘double hated.’
The other girl will learn that treating others in a shitty way has shitty consequences.

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