To feel like I'm being kept out the loop?

[staydazzling]

Currently goung through assessment route with DS with Cahms and HV is involved also, DS has some health issues largely due to SEN, Ive had one meeting with cahms , ds teacher HV and me and my DM. And all went well. There have been issues inthe past with this HV about me feeling like ive not been told things or conversations had with school I didn't know about. Well this week his teacher said to me 'oh meeting today and i was like "is there??" I was told no there isn't her mistake. FF to after lunch I got a call about how theyd just had a meeting ,?what conclusions theyd come to , what theyre gonna do next,& what they would like me to do, information they knew that I hadn't been told like people having been in etc, I was quite upset and angry. I said I was frustrated that a) it looks bad me not having been there b) I was told then told not. c) I said I was almost glad I wasn't there as being ambushed with info in that setting would have been v.distressing. d) it almost smacks of 'oh weve been talking about you and here's our verdict But the response I got suggested that this kind of practice is normal even though it feels underhanded. AIBU?

Bump x

Sorry to bump again could really use some advice its getting me in a bad place x

Can’t help but bumping for you

Hi OP professionals meetings without parents are fairly common in these situations, it's not too keep you in the dark it's so they can discuss the case in a factual way without taking into account lack of knowledge around terminology/legislation and also your understandable emotional involvement. It would be useful for one of the key professionals to summarise for you after the meeting

Usual not useful (although useful as well I suppose!)

I can’t help either. Who is your contact at CAHMS? Could you ask to speak to their superior regarding your concerns?
Were you meant to be at the meeting?
Sounds to me like teacher assumed you were but when you didn’t know tried to backtrack if it was for the professionals only.
Someone else may know if you can apply for the information held and discussions at meetings which may put your mind at ease.
I hope someone is more helpful for you

It is quite common to have meetings without you involved, my sons school doesnt for the most part, but obviously there is people that come in who I don't know about then I get a summerised report or meeting notes sent to me

Professionals meetings are quite common OP, parents aren't generally told about them. I understand why you may feel like you've been left out of the loop, they just give us the chance to lay everything out on the table without you there, really to spare the parents feelings. I know that doesn't sound great, but different situations require different approaches, and often these meetings are so needed.

Good luck.

@MrsStrowman said what I meant way better than me!

Thankyou for your responses, maybe it is just one of those things even though its horrible 😔