to ask for your best tips on having a second child?

[SecondTimeCharm]

hi all

posting for traffic sorry but DD2 is due in early Dec and it’s starting to hit me just how different life might be with 2

DD1 is almost 3 (her birthday v close to due date - bad planning on my part) and really an angel, we have been lucky and had no major issues with her. She’s growing up into a lovely considerate sweet girl. That said, she’s also a clingy whiny messy noisy toddler...

I am an only child and DH isn’t close to his siblings due to age gap and other factors so I’m at a loss as to how it’ll even feel having multiple children in the house.

I’m now just a tiny bit nervous thinking back to DD1’s newborn days which were often long stretches of SILENCE as she slept on me... stuff like that just won’t be possible will it.

To make matters more complicated we will be moving from busy zone 2 London to rural countryside and a big house in Jan. Will be looking to get DD1 into a nursery asap after the move but currently she is not attending. I’m a SATM but DH runs his own company and has some flexibility plus is v hands on

Thanks in advance I’m generally a laid back person but got to thinking last night and could have done with a glass of wine of three!

Focus your attention on the older child and making her relationship with her sibling. Babies just need to be clean, warm and fed. Older ones need emotional engagement. Good sibling relationships don’t just happen- they need to be worked on. Make sure that nice things the baby does are because of his sister “ Look! He smiled at you!” Even if it’s not true. And don’t be afraid to let the older one realize that you find the baby a bit of a pain sometimes too. “Oh no - he’s crying agsin. Here, eat this biscuit while I sort him out then we can do something more interesting”. Act your socks off!

I was so worried about this too but actually the first year was quite easy. I'd forgotten how much newborns sleep so for the first few months I could give my toddler daughter lots of attention while the baby slept. She didn't seem at all jealous for that first year. I felt a lot less stressed with my second baby because I'd been through everything before. His first year went by in the blink of an eye. With my daughter (first baby) the first year felt like an eternity. I tried to involve my toddler a lot by saying things like "What clothes shall we put on him today", "do you want to help me run his bath" etc. Good luck!

Try to make sure that your older daughter doesn't connect starting pre-school with the arrival of the new baby or she could feel like she's been pushed out of the way. If you can talk to her a lot about it now and maybe take her on a visit there so that it's in her mind before the baby arrives. That said, if she settles there well, you will get 'quality time' with the baby when she at preschool which means she can get more of your attention when she's home.

perhaps get your name down at likely nurseries and preschools now, having dd1 at nursery 3 days a week was v helpful for first few weeks.

I wore a stretchy sling almost permanently for 2 months as dd2 was v clingy, pop her in and out as needed, not away from dd1 for too long trying to settle her for naps. others have had good success with a cosy bouncer chair.

go to bed almost as soon as dd1 is in bed (if not cluster feeding), say goodbye to evenings for a while. you won't get much rest in the day.

anticipate dd1 might regress, mine became a pro at having wee and poo 'accidents' during the 5 mins i was busy with dd2.

try not to blame the baby for something e.g. we can't do x because the baby is sleeping, or you'll have to wait baby needs feeding.

that said, apart from a month near the star when dd1 was struggling to adjust it's been much easier than I expected. the baby part was a breeze as been there done that, just the juggling 2, and it was nice to have a routine from dd1 to follow and dd2 just slotted in.

Get a decent sling and pop baby in there. Carry on as you normally would with toddler - newborn just comes along too. I have a four year old, 2 year old and newborn. The two year old is that takes up so much time and energy. Newborn sleeps, pops up for a feed and goes back to sleep. You will be absolutely fine.

we split the nights with dh looking after dd1 and I was on baby duty. dh then got up with both in the morning.

Get a white noise machine for the baby’s room to cancel out toddler noise. It stopped me getting irritated with the toddler for being loud. I got mine in boots. I also put a fan in the toddlers room (it was too late to introduce white noise to her she was scared of it!) so when the baby was crying in the night it blocked the noise and didn’t wake her up.

Presuming the baby doesn’t have reflux/colic/general fussiness then start right from the beginning putting them down to sleep. I did this with DD2 - feed, cuddle, then in the cot awake. 15 months between mine and DD1 wasn’t even walking so it was essential I didn’t have a newborn attached to me 24/7! Result was a very good sleeper from day one, so it was my best parenting move yet