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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what the hell I do - wedding related?

30 replies

thecatsthecats · 26/10/2018 07:50

Hello lovely mumsnetters.

First of all: daily mail - FUCK OFF YOU BOLLOCKING BUNCH OF OF WANKBADGERS.

Ahem.

So, I am due to get married in under a month. Unfortunately, we've had a couple of highly stressful events - one concerning a vendor, another more importantly of serious illness in a member of the bridal party who we're desperately worried for. On top on that, my work is very stressful at the moment.

Fiance and I keeping our spirits up though, still looking forward to our wedding, but also just worn out with everything happening and have no idea to do about the following.

So, my dilemma. Our family and friends are very spread out, so we picked a venue with lots of apartments to stay in (very cheap, and we're feeding and boozing everyone all weekend).

Three aunts, on my dad's side - A, B, C. A is very, very, very fussy and faffy - think half an hour explaining every menu option, double checking every sat nav direction on a physical map and interrupting the driver. Basically low level control frak about EVERYTHING. B is much more chilled. I don't know her very well though. C is disabled, and her care is shared by my parents and A/B mostly. Lastly there's my mum. Very far from perfect, various MH issues stemming from abuse that mean she can behave very unusually and irritatingly. I won't pretend it was easy to grow up with her, but she's much improved, is loving her new life as a grandma, and has been very helpful with the wedding.

Aunt A has somehow managed to make more fuss than the vendor or the seriously ill bridal party member. ENDLESSLY fussing about what we provide for Aunt C, even though I specifically selected a suite for them. To be honest, I think some of her requests are more about her than C.

Recently, I informed her by email that she'd have a room with C, with B and her husband, and my parents in the other rooms in the apartment. She replied nicely, then replied again saying that she was embarrassed to have included an email to Aunt B complaining about sharing with my mum, telling me not to worry about it.

Thing is, she didn't. I think she's seeing some weird email thread that shows both, because I've checked and I can't see anything. Now she says she's happy to share with my mum, but I'm not so sure.

My mum finds A stressful, but knowing I do too, she was going to shield me from her faffing. I don't think she deserves to share with someone who bitches behind her back. And I have no idea what to write back to A - who is now trying to call.

What the hell do I do? Leave arrangements as is, as my mum doesn't know? Change them so she has a nicer time? My aunt will make a THING out of that, for sure.

One thing I really, REALLY don't want to do is speak to her. I know it will upset me, and I just feel like I've dealt with enough recently. It feels so unfair when we've planned to be so accommodating and chilled this wedding and she has to make a drama out of things!

OP posts:
Feefeetrixabelle · 26/10/2018 09:49

Just reply with no worries these things happen. Accommodation won’t be changing. See you at the wedding.

Don’t engage.

Andtheresaw · 26/10/2018 10:15

So you have put all 2 aunts and your parents into one apartment because A, B and your DP can share helping disabled C?
Seems eminently sensible to me.

A is flapping and trying to make it all about her as ever. Nothing new there and thus no reason to change your plans.

Get your Mum out of there on your wedding day to help you prepare and join in the prewedding excitement. The others can look after C and calm A.

There's nothing for you to worry about. Honestly,. Your DM has been dealing with A longer than you have been alive!

manicinsomniac · 26/10/2018 10:18

I really wouldn't worry about this.

I understand you're worried about your mum but:

a) the chances of your aunt being unkind to your mum's face are surely pretty low? So, unless you tell her, your mum never needs to know there was a problem.

b) your mum is likely to equally irritated by A as A is by your mum - the difference is she hasn't vocalised it. They both sound like people who would annoy others as well as be easily annoyed by others.

c) they've got a whole apartment to not socialise in and it's only for a day or so. They'll cope and it's not your problem!

EquestrianL · 26/10/2018 10:22

ehh it's your special day so you get to choose what happens -

  1. they get an invite
  2. they don't
i'm sure you want to invite them so go for it, but if they try to say something negative just ignore them. they should be there to lift you up not push you down
thecatsthecats · 26/10/2018 16:39

Lizzy

Ha, well, what can I say? I've been proud to have tactfully batted away any minor issues so far with both grace and aplomb (bridesmaid wanting to wear a bridal dress - sorted! granny causing a mess - she's fiance's gran not mine - ask him! friends falling out before the hen do so no shows - ooh, such a shame, will miss you!). This past couple of weeks have got to me though - like I say, run out of decision making mojo.

Thanks so much all for your help. Will email her tonight.

manic - thanks - especially the part about A and my mum both being difficult personalities. I know it's true - in the last few years, and especially the last few months, she has really turned a corner though through therapy, and A has only become more of a fussy fusspot. Come to think of it I was the one shielding my sister from both of them at her wedding! selfish cow went and had a baby so she can dodge returning the favour Grin

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