Was I being Unreasonable?

[ohnoworry]

Sitting in my living room this afternoon, on FaceTime to my parents, with DS1. Door knocks, then I hear it open, and in walks FIL straight into my living room. I got such a fright and the place was a tip. He was bringing round something I had left at their house and a toy they had fixed for DS, so was doing something kind. I told him to give me time to answer the door in future as he gave me a fright. We had a few minutes conversation and I thanked him for delivering the items and as he was leaving I reiterated to please let me get to the door in future as I am often on toilet with door open if both DC are here, or I could have been siting breastfeeding with everything on display. I usually have my door locked, but DS had been out looking at his pumpkin and I'd forgotten to lock it after that.
So, was I being unreasonable to (politely) tell him off, or was he being unreasonable to barge into my house unannounced?

I would say no its your house and its the 1 place u should feel comfortable, i wouldnt be bothered by it but thats me were all different

@Km06 thanks. I'm not one of these people who likes unannounced visitors, and have never said to in laws (or anyone) to let themselves in (or pop over unannounced) They are lovely people but I felt so uncomfortable

It's rude to let yourself into someone's home even if the door is unlocked and even if they know you're coming over.

@TellMeAboutRedditch thank you. That's what I think too. They always do it even when we know they are coming over, and I really detest it, so I guess it was time I said something!

Besr to keep the door locked, always.

@GreatDuckCookery yup. I do 99.9% of the time. This was sadly an unlucky occasion to accidentally leave it unlocked. He always tries the door when he comes round.

My in laws just walk in all the time. I'm used to it now

Sorry OP I read your first post too quick. I don't think you're wrong or out of order to explain that you need him to knock and wait.

@lauryloo I couldn't cope with that. I think it's because my house is always messy and I don't like anyone seeing it like that.

@GreatDuckCookery thanks. I feel terrible about it but at the same time I don't want that to happen again (hence asking in AIBU?)

YANBU. He should have waited for you to answer, like anyone else would. It's rude to walk in no matter who you are.

Since it was a polite request YADNBU, it's just some gentle boundaries and he should respect that even if it's not how he's used to doing things.

Just remembered that my MIL had a massive strop that our gate was locked when she wanted to drop in unannounced... Disregarding completely it would be a serious security risk otherwise.

Thanks everyone. I was expecting to be told iwbu as he was family and just doing something nice for us.

YANBU. My in laws have a key for emergencies.... I leave key in other side as I don't like to be surprised even if it is with best intentions (and put lock on side gate for the time I didn't answer as we were. It's finally asleep and they came round the side and banged on patio doors) if earned even 5 mins in advance I'm at the door and looking gracious whatever my feelings!

@Jfw82 yeah five minutes notice would have done - could have lifted DS jacket and my shoes off the middle of the living room floor and taken tampons off of hall table! (and also locked door and put keys in the back!!!)

Yep, really annoying. My Fil once let himself in for a cup of tea whilst we were out and brought a friend. Our house was a tip, it was half term so we’d been busy and the previous nights dinner things hadn’t been cleared away either. I knew the friend and I was very embarrassed when I next saw him.

@MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig WTAF???

I know. He always was a bit entitled. He let himself in at ten o’clock at night once. Dh and I were just thinking about heading up to bed. So we had to sit there for another hour while he had a cup of tea. Why the hell we didn’t say sorry but we’re now off to bed, I’ll never know.

It’s great that you politely asked for what you want. That’s how good relationships are made.

Even if he pushed open the door he should have called and waited to be invited in. But I doubt if he did it with evil intent. I remember going to visit somewhere which involved picking up a key from someone I'd never met - this wasn't a commercial thing, it was a favour on their part. When we got there, nobody in. So I rang later to "apologise" for having missed them, and he said "I wondered why you havdn't been, I put it on the dining room table for you, I expected you to just come in and get it" - despite me being a complete stranger! So people do have very different views on this.

@Ohyesiam I hope I was polite about it anyway!!!

@MereDintofPandiculation thanks - I know lots of people would be fine with this. I'm surprised I have not had anyone telling me yet that I was U, given that he was returning his grandchild's toy that he had fixed. Definitely no evil intent at all - just assuming walking in would be ok!