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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

An opinion please..

26 replies

cjeddie2003 · 25/10/2018 20:31

Me and my partner have a small difference of opinion over the following, I'm curious if I'm being unreasonable?

We popped down to the local Dunelm for 20 mins this evening, on the way there my partner fed our 4 month old daughter part of a bottle. I suggested since we're only at the shop a short time we leave the bottle in the car and we feed her on the way home (promising my daughter to feed her later). A quick trip later we set off for home but our daughter had fallen asleep so when we got her home I suggested we let her sleep for half an hour before feeding her more to see if she comes round on her own. This kicked off an argument about me being negligent and not feeding her as I promised her when we arrived at Dunelm? Was I unreasonable to leave try and leave it for half an hour or should I have woken her up? In the end I did wake her up though she was deep asleep by that point.

Personally I was happy to leave it a short time and its just a disagreement af parenting style or does that constitute abuse?

Your thoughts?

OP posts:

SpottingTheZebras · 25/10/2018 20:38

How did you get to Dunelm and back to have been able to feed on the way there and potentially on the way back?

Unless there is a backstory, I don’t see any harm in letting a baby sleep and feeling when they wake up. How old is she and are there weight concerns?

In what way do you think this abuse? Not feeding, what was said, not agreeing with a parenting style? I’m sorry, I really don’t understand that last bit.

JosellaPlayton · 25/10/2018 20:41

Whether you needed to wake your baby for a feed surely depends on how old she is and how long it had been since her last proper feed. So impossible to judge from your post.
Him calling you negligent is utterly horrible. From that one incident alone it’s also impossible to go as far as to say he’s abusive. If he frequently says things like that then I’m inclined to think that he is.
Hope you are ok.

ShutUpBaz · 25/10/2018 20:41

I'd never wake a sleeping baby for a feed unless there were weight concerns.

Echoing pp, would like to know how she was being fed 'on the way'. You mention a car, and feeding a bottle to such a tiny baby strapped into a moving car is surely hugely dangerous?

Knittedfairies · 25/10/2018 20:41

Unless there are concerns, I would never wake a sleeping baby. I don’t understand the abuse comment either.

Original poster

cjeddie2003 · 25/10/2018 20:45

We drove there and back (about 10 mins) we have an isofix car seat in the back that my partner sits next to on trips to watch our daughter. She's 4 and a bit months and no weight concerns. There isn't really a backstory to tell to be honest, it just came about because I didn't immediately wake her to feed her when we got home. As we don't agree I suggested posting something to get a wider opinion.

OP posts:

Thesmallthings · 25/10/2018 20:45

Only Time iv woken a baby for a feed was when ds2 was a baby and had to by order from midwives as he was so little, but even then if I could get away with dream feeding I would.

Ynbu

CherryPavlova · 25/10/2018 20:46

The unreasonable action is fine ending a child whilst driving in a car. Either it was done in a car seat (dangerous and real choking risk) or the baby was out of the car seat (illegal and very dangerous).

Josiebloggs · 25/10/2018 20:47

Unless there is a specific reason to wake her to feed, like jaundice, I wouldn't. Babies wake when then they are hungry. I've always fed on demand not certain times.

Cornettoninja · 25/10/2018 20:48

Depends on the baby I think. I could count on dd waking up and letting me know she was hungry but some babies will sleep to their detriment and need to be woken.

One like dd I would happily leave to wake naturally.

Sassypants82 · 25/10/2018 20:50

I've never woken either of my babies to feed them. It's just as important that they get adequate rest and they will wake to feed if necessary. They're both perfectly healthy.

ProfessorMoody · 25/10/2018 20:50

Your DH is annoyed with you because you promised a 4 month old baby who doesn't understand spoken language yet that you'd feed her after Dunelm and you didn't?

Nice try, OP

JosellaPlayton · 25/10/2018 20:51

I’ve fed an albeit slightly older baby in a car seat during a 4 hour minibus transfer to a ski station where stopping wasn’t really an option. Paediatrician said it was fine as long as you’re not doing anything daft like propping the bottle up rather than sitting next to them and holding it yourself. I would just feed before I left the house for a 10 minute car journey though, that seems very unnecessary!

codenameduchess · 25/10/2018 20:53

A bit dramatic on both parts there really,

Why not just feed before you left or when you arrived? Half a bottle in a car seat at 4 months isn't ideal with choking risks and if she was happy with half a bottle probably wast hungry enough to warrant it.

And abuse? If she was hungry she'd have woken up. A healthy, normal person doesn't accuse abuse for that unless there's something else going on you're not saying.

Happygummibear · 25/10/2018 20:55

My dd at 3 months would go 5 hours sometimes without a feed.. I fed on demand... she is now 14 months and very healthy with a good appetite..... therefore I think you were right

Also.... this was personal choice but I rarely sat in the back with dd due to travel sickness.... you can get a mirror which allows the driver to see baby and also you if you turn around. This was and still is a god send to keep and eye on the little one.

TellMeAboutRedditch · 25/10/2018 20:55

My doctor said you never wake a sleeping baby unless you don't have a choice. I think that's pretty good advice.

ALemonyPea · 25/10/2018 21:05

She's 4 months old, she would have been non the wiser about you promising her you'd feed her when you got there.

I'd never wake a sleeping baby unless absolutely necessary. Your DH is being ridiculous.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/10/2018 21:07

Your husband knows fuck all about babies. What a twonk.

Returnofthesmileybar · 25/10/2018 21:13

Laughing my ass off at promising a 4 month old anything 😂

But yanbu, never wake a sleeping baby and your partner sounds massively precious

MrsRachel85 · 26/10/2018 07:04

Never wake a sleeping baby. They’ll wake up on their own if their hungry (unless otherwise advised by midwife/GP). You did nothing wrong and your DH is being massively U. As to promising anything to a four month old? Pahahahaha

Rockandrolling · 26/10/2018 07:17

A baby shouldn't really be fed during a car journey, but if your partner was so insistent on your dad being fed (and he fed her on the way to the shop), why didn't HE feed her on the return journey? , you've mentioned that he sits with her in the car.

Rockandrolling · 26/10/2018 07:18

+your dd being fed, not your dad!

GoatYoga · 26/10/2018 07:21

I think you both need to understand that a 4 month old doesn’t understand what a promise is.

Conseulabananahammock · 26/10/2018 07:21

I was advised to wake my youngest to feed him, however he was im intensive care for a weel after birth and scbu for a further 2 weeks. A perfectly healthy baby will wake for a feed. Your partner sounds a bit much to be honest.

orangesandlemons12 · 26/10/2018 07:32

Apart from when my DS was tiny (as in the first few days home) I would never wake a baby up for a feed - and certainly not a 4 month old! I suppose the only exception would be if there were weight issues, but you've already said their aren't.

I'd just offer a feed once they'd woken up - wouldn't even give it another thought

Solderingiron · 26/10/2018 07:39

YABU to feed her in the car seat while on the move, that sounds dangerous. It was only 10 minutes you should have just fed her before you left. But with regards her falling asleep, surely she would have woken up and let you know if she wanted more bottle.

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