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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be her MOH?

3 replies

anothernc123 · 25/10/2018 17:08

My best friend at work just got engaged - she's been dreaming about her wedding for years and we've been discussing our plans for weddings since we met - it is actually what partly bonded us.

Anyway, when I first met her DP he always put her down 'your nose is horrible', 'your ears are too big' and I really disliked his behaviour but I think it came from insecurity as she is definitely the better looking one.

Now over time more things about him have come onto the surface (I need to bullet or this will go on forever):

  • he regularly comments on how going to private school is far superior and better and would never consider a state school for his children. He was shocked to learn my grades were far better than his and I was state.
  • he always comments on my boobs (he likes big boobs and she has small boobs)
  • he is incredibly controlling. he messages me when she's at work to ask me where she is (at work obv) and if she's online (we can see if people are working by their work status but we don't work in one office we are very remote and all over the country). Asks me to get her to message, if I got as drunk as her at the party the night before.
  • he fakes being ill so she can't go out. she doesn't see this as controlling just him worried about her safety.
  • she has a curfew.
  • all this controlling behaviour means HE COMES TO EVERYTHING and i'm sick of him always being with us at dinner, at cinemas, at events, even work socials.

Anyway, straw that broke the camel's back is he said he didn't like his ex because she was from a poor family (albeit smart and career focused) and he couldn't trust that she wouldn't get pregnant to get money from him.

Now, I have just realised how much I can't stand him and I'm wondering if being her MOH would be a mistake when I adore her and want to help her day.

OP posts:
Iwantplaits · 25/10/2018 17:18

I'd stick by her. You are MOH and her friend. Not his. One day she is very likely to need you to help her get her life back.

Blanchedupetitpois · 25/10/2018 17:22

I was recently MOH for my best friend despite having serious issues with her partner. I had told her in the past about these issues when he had broken up with her and I was rejoicing. It made things very difficult when they got back together, but we managed an uneasy truce. I just told myself I was there for her, to support and love her, and that I had to make peace with her choice.

startingafresh1 · 25/10/2018 18:17

I completely understand your concerns. I think though that the best thing you can do is to be a good friend. Refusing to be her MOH will cause issues in your friendship. I'd go ahead with it.

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