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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Expensive ornament and cleaner - WWYD

45 replies

crispysausagerolls · 25/10/2018 11:27

An small but expensive ornament that was a wedding gift (and therefore means a lot to us) is usually kept on display on a sort of mantelpiece. It was there last week but over the course of this week seems to have vanished. I have searched high and low, DH swears he hasn’t touched it or been near it and there is no sight of it, no one else has been round to our place. My only thought is that perhaps the cleaner has broken it and didn’t want to say anything? However she is an agency cleaner with limited English so my only way of knowing would be to email them and I don’t want to get her into trouble. On the other hand where else could it be and shouldn’t she have said if it were her?!

What would you do? Feels like some sort of terribly boring Agatha Christie mystery

OP posts:
Bloodybridget · 25/10/2018 11:31

Do you see the cleaner when she comes? I think it would be better to ask her yourself; even if her English is limited you could probably make yourself understood. And you'd possibly get a clue from her reaction if she had broken the ornament.

Piffle11 · 25/10/2018 11:36

If no one else has moved it/broken it (DC? Embarrassed friend?), then I think you need to tackle it: either ask her directly, or contact the agency. I'm sure at the back of your mind is the possibility that she's taken it - and I'm not judging, I don't know how long she's been with you - and if this is the case then it's best to make sure that she/the agency is aware that you are aware, if you get my meaning. And let her know that you want to be informed of any breakages.

Alpacanorange · 25/10/2018 11:41

Last month I watched my cleaner run over my plant pot and hide it in her car!.. I let her go, an accident I would not mind, but it was the hiding it, I don’t think she wanted to work for nothing to replace it. Which I would not have done anyway. Afraid of perceived consequences I think. You have to ask her or let her go, trust is gone.
Unless you have form for a bad memory and could have moved it. ???

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 25/10/2018 11:44

Alpacanorange

That’s so cheeky oh my goodness - what did she say when you asked her?

I really don’t think she has stolen it as she’s lovely and we have a great system together; but I think she must’ve broken it as there is no other option really. If I’m being generous I would imagine she is trying to find a replacement or something this week and hoping I don’t notice, but doesn’t realise how much it cost. I just don’t know.

OP posts:
Alpacanorange · 25/10/2018 11:53

My neighbor walk down the drive as she scooped soil on the floor and she told him, she then removed the broken pieces from her car and put in the bin! I was amazed, didn’t offer to replace though.
She maybe lovely, but for me the trust was gone and my home is where trust must live. I hope you find out where your ornament went. The best outcome is she moved it to a different location and forgot to put it back.

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 25/10/2018 11:56

Not at least offering to replace was also not fine of her!

Sadly I don’t see that she can have moved it - honestly our house is very minimalist and not cluttered and I have searched so much for it.

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 25/10/2018 12:00

Have you gone through the rubbish to check if it has been broken and thrown away ? Strange not to tell you , if she has broken it, as obviously you are going to notice that it isn’t there !
Also if broken by accident then you might be able to claim on your insurance and replace it ?

AceAcer · 25/10/2018 12:01

I really don’t think she has stolen it

My "lovely" cleaner stole the following:
Clothes
An Anya Hindmarch hand bag
Brand new RayBans
An amethyst bracelet
Probably over £1000 in cash.

Fucking bitch even helped me look for these items. Mine was oh so sweet, we had a good system too, and I made the huge mistake of trusting her. Silly me. Never again.

BiscuitDrama · 25/10/2018 12:02

Shock Ace How did you work out it was her?

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 25/10/2018 12:03

Ace

Omg! Same question as PP!!!

SirVix

I JUST thought of that but today is bin collection day so the bins have been taken! 😫

OP posts:
EnglishRose13 · 25/10/2018 12:05

@AceAcer How did you find out?!

sunnyshowers · 25/10/2018 12:05

I once came home to my cleaner colouring in my carpet with a permanent marker...shed left a bucket of bleach on the carpet and was trying to colour it in.
years before that I came in to find her auntie (she retired) spraying the wooden floors with Mr Sheen....I almost went flying (preg on twins at the time) she said it gave a lovely shine and smell...it did but you took your life in your hand walking on it....
ended up staying at home after twins as it wasnt worth going back with 4 dc and do it myself now...not as beautifully but that's the joys of having loads of small kids

AceAcer · 25/10/2018 12:07

I installed a hidden camera and busted her stealing money from my purse. Angry

Bibijayne · 25/10/2018 12:07

Lack of honesty is an issue. Breakages happen sometimes. Sign of a good cleaner is that they let you know.

AceAcer · 25/10/2018 12:10

I also went through bins, hunted high and low. The RayBans were my daughters - I'd bought them for her as a kind of present, given to her with the express caveat that if she didn't look after them then she had to pay for them. We all thought she had lost them and so I made her pay me back, but they'd been nicked by the cleaner all along. I paid my daughter the money back.

The bracelet - we put it down to builders being in the house at the time. I'll never be able to prove otherwise but I'll bet my bottom dollar that she took it.

thegreylady · 25/10/2018 12:15

My cleaner is Polish and her English is limited . She is an excellent cleaner and a lovely person, I count her as a friend . However she is constantly putting things ‘away’ in places I wouldn’t normally have them so when she has been it is like a mad party game of, Hunt the Eggpan or Guess where the Salad Servers are.
Maybe your cleaner has just moved the ornament and forgotten to put it back. Ask her.

harshbuttrue1980 · 25/10/2018 12:16

Just ask her. I agree that you can't have a cleaner that you can't trust coming into your house.
However, for those of you who would expect a cleaner to replace a broken item...are you for real??? I'm a teacher and broke the printer in my classroom earlier on in this term by misfeeding an ink cartridge. Did the school take it out of my wages? Did they hell! Therefore, why would my cleaner breaking something come out of their wages?? I have a cleaner and she spilt a bit of bleach on the carpet, leaving a small discoloured patch. It was a pure accident, and of course I didn't try to charge her!! I highly doubt there is any legal basis for such deductions. Give over - cleaners already work hard for very little reward!

Aridane · 25/10/2018 12:17

What did the police do, Ace, when you reported it and showed them the cctv?

greengrassofhome · 25/10/2018 12:18

I had a cleaner who continued to come in to the house on her regular days when we were on holiday.
She posted pictures of herself on Facebook, wearing my clothes, sitting in our home, drinking from our wine glasses.

Rudgie47 · 25/10/2018 12:20

That's terrible AceAcer, did you go to the Police or get any of the money or items back?
When I was younger one of my friends was a cleaner and she used to clean at a really posh house. It was on one of the most expensive streets in the city and had a pool etc.
When the owner was away my friend would have pool parties there and invite guys back and pass the house off as hers. She got away with it.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 25/10/2018 12:22

What a shame the bins have gone.

I think you need to talk to her, despite the language issue.

It seems more likely that she broke it accidentally but was too scared to admit it, than she stole it, but you never know. You need to ask her directly what happened to it and see her reaction.

I would be really upset at it being broken as it was special, but I’d TRY to remember that even if she had told me, it would still be broken, and TRY to focus on finding out what happened to it afterwards (does she have it still) and let her know that I’m upset it was broken, but more upset she didn’t tell me because trust is important.

AceAcer · 25/10/2018 12:28

I did inform the police, and gave them her name and address. At that point we thought it was only about £300 that she had stolen but as the time has gone on we've realised that there's no plausible explanation for the other stuff going missing. So I couldn't prove anything. Also she was in a mid 60s and DH felt uncomfortable giving an OAP a criminal record, so we never actually showed them the video. The whole thing was so upsetting that a big part of me just wanted the whole episode to go away at the time. Now I think she took so much more than we originally thought I wish I had shown them the vid and made her face the consequences.

SummerGems · 25/10/2018 12:28

@harshbuttrue1980 the cleaner should have insurance or the agency should.

My cleaner broke a vase and told me straight away. She was very apologetic, and worried that I would be annoyed. But it’s just a vase, and these things happen.

AceAcer · 25/10/2018 12:30

only about £300
not suggesting this is a small amount of money by the way. But we think it was small by the total of what we think she took over the years. She was with us for over 3 years and we think she was taking cash from purses and wallets for most of that - small amounts to start off with but when I videoed her she took £120 out of my purse in one go.

SummerGems · 25/10/2018 12:31

She posted pictures of herself on Facebook, wearing my clothes, sitting in our home, drinking from our wine glasses. (shock) not very bright was she?