AIBU or is my DP being a *$%*
mussymummy · 25/10/2018 08:55
So some background. Been with dp 8 years and we have a 4 yo dd. Our relationship this year has been strained to say the least.
DP says i snap at him constantly, my gripe with him is that he only sees the negatives in me, never anything positive and is so cold towards me. No affection ever we have snogged once this year and i dont want my dd growing up thinking no affection is normal. I dont need to be snogging like a teenager but a hug would be nice.
Anyway last night i farted loudly when we sat down for dinner, had really bad stomach this week which i get occassionally as a result of surgery after giving birth.
Dp went in a total huff cos i farted because i had farted every night this week at dinner and i did not say excuse me this time. Resulted in massive argument as i felt he was just wanting to start an argument which happened and he did not think to ask if i was ok, just had a go at me.
He always manages to turn things into my fault and never apologises as in his eyes he is never in the wrong.
My head is minced over this and have spent most of the year crying.
I tried talking to him later stating how i have felt all year, cant stop crying, feel like i cant cope etc and he just sat there. All i wanted was a hug.
Sorry for rant, really need advice. Did i over react like he tells me i always do and in fairness to him sometimes i do as i am sick fed up of his constant negativity.
NotANotMan · 25/10/2018 08:57
He says you snap at him constantly and you say he always sees the negative in you.
Is there some truth in both?
The farting is a red herring (though I would be pissed off if my partner repeatedly farted at the dinner table)
Houseonahill · 25/10/2018 09:00
I would say they is probably truth in both sides but unless he is willing to accept you are both at fault and discuss how you can work to improve things I'm not sure what you can do. You can't stay in a relationship that leaves you feeling worthless and crying though, that isn't healthy.
Babdoc · 25/10/2018 09:06
So he never shows you any affection, is constantly negative and tells you it’s all your fault for overreacting.
And you’re still with him because....?
Is there anything in this grim so called relationship for you, OP?
DaphneFanshaw · 25/10/2018 09:10
Sorry, I would say that thee is truth in both sides too.
To make it work i think you both have to accept how you make each other feel and try to make some changes.
I know you tried to talk to him last night but do you think he will listen if you both try again?
You can't go on feeling this crap.
deydododatdodontdeydo · 25/10/2018 09:39
You can get into a vicious cycle of back and forth snapping.
Nobody wants to hug or snog someone who was snapping at them 2 mins before. I've been there - it's unreasonable to expect someone to be in the mood for a hug and kiss after you've snapped at them.
Sounds like it's a two way street though.
I'd be annoyed if DH farted at the dinner table every evening, but a medical problem would alleviate that annoyance.
Could you have postnatal depression?
LightDrizzle · 25/10/2018 09:45
I would find you farting loudly as we sat down for dinner really gross and pretty rude. I have mild IBS and if I feels massive fart knocking at the door, I nip to the loo. I know DH does the sameness thing because we can sometimes hear him let rip through the doors, - infinitely preferable to watching him lift a cheek at the table and inhale the product. Doing it repeatedly when people are about to eat just seems disrespectful, and I hate the overuse of that word and try to avoid it.
I sounds like you are both involved in the vicious circle. I wouldn’t want to hug or snog someone who was always chipping away at me and belching and farting, but yes, lack of affection and negativity is going to make you snappy. I suggest some relationship counselling together.
CaptSkippy · 25/10/2018 09:52
Would couples counseling be an option? It seems like the two of you have some serious communication issues that need to be worked on.
If that isn't an option then I think you end it, because you are making each other miserable.
Zillcat · 25/10/2018 09:52
I think what happened at dinner was an Over reaction to what has been happening over the last year.
Would you both consider counselling?
I am rather concerned that this may however be a half term troll of the 'snapped and farted' variety.
crispysausagerolls · 25/10/2018 09:53
Do you ever try to hug or kiss him? I don’t see how that’s his fault alone.
Farting without saying excus me me is unacceptable - fair enough if you can’t help doing it, but why not say excuse me?!
Singlenotsingle · 25/10/2018 09:55
Snapped and farted was funny. This definitely isn't!
HighHorse77 · 25/10/2018 10:00
You farted at the dinner table and didn't say excuse me. He pulled you up on your bad manners and you didn't like it. It wasn't him causing this argument, it was your inappropriate behaviour.
Why would he ask you if you were OK after a fart?
Godowneasy · 25/10/2018 10:02
You had my sympathy up to the point that you said you farted at the dinner table every night this week.
That would give me the rage.
Hope you're having a nice half term week though.
LettuceP · 25/10/2018 10:03
I would be really pissed off with DH farting at the dinner table tbh, people are about to eat.
I believe that you can't change how other people behave. You can only change the way you behave and then they may change their behaviour towards you. So I would suggest making a conscious effort not to snap at him, try really hard to no not sweat the small stuff and be more affectionate towards him. He may start to change how he is towards you and that means that you can work on your relationship and make things better. But if there is still no affection and he continues to be negative then it's probably best to think about separating.
Awaytome · 25/10/2018 10:05
That's really quite rude of you. I'd be put off my dinner if someone kept farting as I sat down to eat. Yuck.
Womanlikeme · 25/10/2018 10:25
Sorry but I would be really turned off someone if they farted loudly at the dinner table. He said you did it every day this week.
Rebecca36 · 25/10/2018 11:10
I'd object very strongly to farting at the dinner table unless it was a one off, somebody all for example.
Sounds to me like you are fed up with eachother. Has your relationship run its course I wonder.
EmmaGhostGhoul · 25/10/2018 11:13
Farting at the dinner table is uncouth. If my kids did it, they'd be given a bollocking. You should remove yourself from the room before letting rip, it's not as if farts don't have a warning before they need to be let go. I'd be really cross with DP if he continually farted before dinner - the smell of faecal matter mixed with food aroma must be revolting.
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