Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not having kids???

17 replies

Octobersky88 · 24/10/2018 22:15

Most of my friends are settled down with kids (early to mid 30's).

I have never really had that huge desire to have my own, although I love spending time with children and everyone says I'm a natural.

I've spent the last five years retraining into a profession that is very un-family friendly. I am newly out of a long term relationship and don't want to rush into another. I know that my biological clock is ticking but right now I just don't think I will ever have children. I'm very worried that if I ever change my mind, it will be too late (very open to adoption but also aware of the difficulties of being an older parent if I leave it until my 40's).

Is there something wrong with me because unlike everyone around me, I have no desire to have a family?

OP posts:
PenCreed · 24/10/2018 22:17

Nope, not at all and don't let anyone tell you there is. Not everyone wants to be a parent, and that's fine. It's hard sometimes when you know people who can't imagine not wanting to be a parent and can't see outside of that particular viewpoint. But then, I can't imagine wanting to be one that badly, I just tend not to say so because I recognise I'm in the minority!

SputnikBear · 24/10/2018 22:22

I had no desire for a family. Still had one because it was too hard to meet a decent man who would settle for having no kids. I was basically left with the dregs, the self centred and the elderly who were past the kids phase. So I compromised on having one child in order to get a man.

ShatnersWig · 24/10/2018 22:26

Still had one because it was too hard to meet a decent man who would settle for having no kids

Ha. I'm a man and been single over 8 years because I can't find a woman who doesn't already have or doesn't want kids!

I'm surprised you said that @Sputnik as I know lots of men who don't want kids or who "aren't fussed" about kids in the sense that if their partner wanted them they probably would but also wouldn't care if their partner didn't.

Birdsgottafly · 24/10/2018 22:33

My eldest DD is 32 and knows that she doesn't want children. All of her Friends have children and so does my middle DD.

She minds her Nieces and has them overnight, but doesn't want to be a Mum. Her Partner would like them, but doesn't want to do all the work (which was put to him by her), so he accepts her decision.

My Sister never wanted them. She in her 60's and doesn't regret her decision.

IAmGrootGrootGroot · 24/10/2018 22:46

@SputnikBear that is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read.

SushiMonster · 24/10/2018 22:52

I'm surprised you said that @Sputnik as I know lots of men who don't want kids or who "aren't fussed" about kids in the sense that if their partner wanted them they probably would but also wouldn't care if their partner didn't.

+1

GhoulishGremlins · 24/10/2018 22:57

I'm also a man.

I'm really not bothered. I might choose to have kids one day, but I'm not sure. I'm not set against it but I don't have an overwhelming desire for them. If my partner didn't want them that'd be fine. If they did, also fine.

I'm also one of those people who everyone offloads their kids on because "you're so good with them" Grin

Thurmanmurman · 24/10/2018 22:59

sputnik. Are you glad you had a child now, or do you regret it, out of interest?

DC2018 · 24/10/2018 23:02

There's nothing wrong with you at all OP. Lots of women dont want children and that's their decision. Social construction does push this idea of a family with children being the thing to do but you can follow your own path. Don't feel pressured in to it x

SputnikBear · 24/10/2018 23:18

@Thurmanmurman I love my DC more than life itself, despite spending the first half of my pregnancy panicking and going “wtf have I done”. I’m more tolerant of other people's kids now too. I truly believe that pregnancy rewires your brain to like babies. It’s all about the hormones.

PurpleRobe · 24/10/2018 23:23

There's nothing wrong with you OP. You can still have a fulfilling life without kids x

BonnieF · 24/10/2018 23:27

There is most definitely nothing wrong with you, OP. I’m childfree by choice, too, and it was definitely the right decision for me. Absolutely no regrets whatsoever.

In developed societies in the 21st century having children is no longer a biological inevitability for most people. It is a valid lifestyle choice for those who want them, as is not having them for those who don’t.

You will know, deep down, what is the right decision for you.

user1497863568 · 24/10/2018 23:30

Absolutely nothing wrong with this. In these uncertain times, maybe it's for the best!!

KC225 · 25/10/2018 00:26

Nothing wrong with you. I had twins via IVF a week before my 43rd birthday. I love my children and my life as Mother but my life and my choices was just as valid before.

RachelTeeth · 25/10/2018 00:34

A family is what we choose for ourselves, breeding biological offspring is not ‘starting a family’, it’s just having a kid, of which there are 240,000 new ones born every day onto this dying planet. Join some childfree groups on FB, not the open ones, there are secret groups where women are close friends and a support system in a natalists world obsessed with ‘but why?’

BoomTish · 25/10/2018 00:38

Nothing wrong with not having kids. In fact, I’d highly recommend it!
I love not having children and it was 100% the right choice for DH and me.

starzig · 25/10/2018 00:40

There is no way I would have a child for a man. That's just twisted.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread