Adults staring at children?

[akmum18]

Wasn’t sure where to post this but a man was staring at my daughter on the train today, it was very packed so we couldn’t physically move away. It made me very uncomfortable as she had a lollipop and his facial expression was creepy. I asked him if he had a problem and could I help (not aggressively before anyone asks) and he ignored me while smirking and continued to stare at my daughter knowing I knew. I’m not going to use the p word straight off as I’m understanding that he may have had special needs or something but it made me really uncomfortable, I got off the train shaking and can’t get it out of my head. Am I being ott assuming the worst? I know she was safe with me but imo it’s unacceptable to look at a strangers child continuously I don’t know what to do about it or how to put it behind me

I thinks more likely he wa SEN than a paedophile. I think if he was a he would much more covert imo. Next time up and move away if it’s making you uncomfortable. I know it’s a pain but I wouldn’t stay somewhere I didn’t feel safe.

i probably would have just taken it off her or moved.

Honestly I would probably have punched him in the face. Then he would stop his smirking. But that's just me.

If it was really overt and went on for ages i probably would have asked in a very clear loud voice ''would you stop staring at my daughter''.

Draw other people's attention to it and shame him into stopping. (i did it on the tube as a teen once and it worked - ''get your hand off my arse''!)

I did turn her away when he smirked and we got off the next stop just to get away from him, not a single person batted an eyelid when I questioned him or even looked our way! I just can’t shake the horrible thought that someone may have been been praying on a young child in front of their mother it makes me sick

Did he touch her or make to follow you? No?
People are allowed to look at other people.
Staring doesn't make someone a threat.

My daughter who is learning disabled often stares and appears to smirk. If I’m with her, I ask her to stop, but her carers might not. She’s not smirking in a horrible way, she’s usually just pleased about what she can see, or she’s thinking about something she’s enjoyed. Often she talks under her breath about what she’s thinking too- this can appear quite sinister, which is why I discourage it. She’s 19.

This man could’ve had some SEN.

Honestly YABU, its not a crime to look at someone and smile and as you said you were with her so she was safe.
If it was a woman would you being worked up over the same incident?My kids love catching the attention of strangers (male and female) in public and as long as I'm there which I always am I just think its nice that they are being friendly and that my kids are behaving well enough to get positive attention rather than being tutted at. My best friends dd passed away nearly 10 years ago and he still sometimes finds himself staring and smiling when he see's little girls who look like her without even realising, he's definately not a threat.
Life must be much more stressful if you always assume the worst of people.

I’m definitely not one of those people who think the worst in everyone I’m one of those people who smile at everyone, usually have conversations with strangers and the likes, this situation wasn’t one of those. It wasn’t a friendly smile in which case the majority of people also look at the adult when they smile at a child, he wouldn’t make eye contact when I asked him but he kept looking back at her - not just her face, if you knew the parent was uncomfortable just stop looking? I personally find staring rude regardless if it’s a crime and i would have felt the same if it was a woman I would never look at a child the way he was

If he did have SEN it would have made sense he was looking but not the way it appeared, that’s what I’m hoping of course no one wants their child stared at innappropriately

When people say “I would have punched them” for relatively minor issues, I think far worse of them than the person who stared.
Anyway, OP, I understand your discomfort but lots of people struggle with social skills and SN. I would have felt somewhat uncomfortable but not enough to be stewing on it afterwards.

That's awful OP. What a total creep! I think you were right. People don't like to believe it but there are lots of creeps around. I'm sorry you had to experience this and YANBU.
Just try to put it out of your mind. It'll feel horrible for a while but you'll forget it soon enough. You did the right thing turning her around. 

I don't think she was in any danger if you were with her the whole time. I think you just came across someone who isn't aware of the social niceties around staring. As pp have said men who like little girls don't tend to out themselves in this way. Not sure if he had a phone on him from your OP but I am definitely uncomfortable with people taking photos or filming though, and would definitely say something loud for everyone to hear if I saw that going on.

and thanks for responses I do feel more reassured, think the initial panic and how shaky I was made me overthink it all, no phone that I noticed barbie but I would have made a scene in that scenario it’s one thing looking and possibly ‘thinking’ but to have a photo makes it much worse. I’m sticking with the theory she may have reminded him of someone or he didn’t realise he was looking at her just to put it behind me it’s unlikely I’ll ever see him again anyway, I haven’t got anyone to talk to in ‘real life’ so thanks for letting me get it off my chest