To not let ex sleep on my sofa ?

[Coffeeandcaffiene]

My ex decided he didn’t want to be with me early on in my pregnancy. I was shocked and still feel gutted.
We’ve not had much contact cause we’ve not really needed to however I was recently hospitalised and he was very supportive.

We have agreed he can come to the birth however he has asked to stay here once he is born - to help me and bond with baby.
When I’ve seen him he has been very touchy/ huggy/ nice to me so I very forwardly asked him if he would ever consider trying again - he said no.

I now think it’s an awful idea him staying on my sofa. It’s hard for me as it is - but to have him stay here and then essentially go instantly after paternity I feel would really hurt me.
But I can’t work out if it’s just my emotions and I’m being selfish.
Yes the help would be great, yes he could bond with his baby.. but I’m quite concerned about my emotional state when I wanted a family.

( obviously I’ve said while he is on paternity he is welcome to lots of visits with baby regardless)

YANBU

He’s the one who bailed. He’s the one not interested in getting back together.

You don’t have to have him at the birth. You don’t have to put him on the birth certificate. Please give the baby your last name.

You want someone you trust who will support you when you’re in labour, it doesn’t sound like that’s him.

It wouldn’t be selfish to say no to him staying over. It would be sensible!

Do you have anyone who could come and stay with you instead? He can visit but he’s opted out of your relationship and has no rights at all now.

I will also add- I have very little family support and a 4 y/o different dad. My friends will be supportive.
So yes realistically the help would be welcome- but on the same hand I feel quite alone in this so painting this nice family image at first may just make it worse

I would say see how you feel at the time. It may be that you appreciate the help, it may be that you feel you can't cope with the closeness but you don't know how you will feel until the time. For instance if you have a section you might need practical help.

Yes I guess so! I just don’t know if I’m cutting my nose off abit. I know I’d appreciate the help- I just feel resentful he never wants to try.

But I can’t work out if it’s just my emotions and I’m being selfish.

Doesn't matter if it's one, other or both. If you aren't comfortable, then just say it. He doesn't need to sleep on your sofa to bond with the baby. He can see the baby and bond without being anywhere near your sofa.

Thankyou this is reassuring !
I’ll cope with a newborn alone right ?!

In your shoes I would rely more on your friends who you know have your best interests at heart.

Also if he stays with you then he will no doubt expect to be fed at your expense. If money is tight this could be a cost you could do without.

Good luck, you can do this!

You'll cope fine with a few friends dropping by. You don't need to add this complication to it all. You'll be able to slop about in jammies, with boobs out getting the baby fed and happy, not having to budge up on the couch or provide tea and lunch and conversation when you just want a nap.

Whatever you decide, just don't let him get his leg over! He'll try to take advantage, given half a chance! And he's already said he isn't interested in a relationship...

He can come around to help you in day time but only if he is helpful and when you state you want the help, but he definitely cannot stay on your sofa at night.

You don't need the intrusion and especially neither does your 4 year old. The poor child must be confused about the CF suddenly fucking off.

If he wants parental responsibility then leave him to go the court route. If he he seriously wants contact and to be in the child's life then he will do so.

Obviously you should have said no
Don't be a mug. He's your ex. Let him make his own plans

I think my other thing was so he can actually see how hard it is with a newborn and if I facilitated visits at my house he wouldn’t request to take him so early !
But realistically I know you’re all right and I wouldn’t want him on my sofa. It’s just upsetting me that the only reason I would want him here that amount of time was for if it made him have a second thought about making it work