AIBU to think all grandchildren should be equal

[orangespikeyfrog]

I’m a single parent working 2 jobs dad is alcoholic contributes nothing financially or with childcare . My own mother is quite elderly and unable /unwilling to have my son only on an adhoc hour at a time basis . My ex mil is much younger and fitter she takes other 3 grandchildren to school and picks up and looks after them several times a week . My ex bil and Sil also have another grandma assisting them so have zero childcare costs . My question is now I am split up from her son am I being unreasonable to expect my MIL to still help out with my son who is in before and after school club 3 days a week. I am struggling financially I have no other help and it irks me that my son is not being treated the same as the other grandchildren

Have you asked? What is you're relationship like and how often do you and DC see her? In her shoes, unless you're making a point of seeing her regularly, I'd probably be assuming you didn't want me involved.

Ask her!

You would be unreasonable to "expect", yes. Her helping out with childcare is a favour to the parent, not the child. As you are not her DD and no longer with her DS, she doesn't owe you help. Sorry! You can ask, of course.

Our relationship isn’t great she blames me for her sons problems and we have had arguments about her son’s behaviour and the impact on DS. Although she will tell the ex what an idiot he is she will defend him to the hilt to me . I have started asking if my son can go round after school on a day that I work and his cousin is there but is always me ringing to ask and she never offers which makes me feel awkward.

Then clearly you are being unreasonable. You don't get on. She isn't going to offer.

YABU to expect it, yes. You don’t get on with her. She doesn’t like you and defends her son who sounds like a tosser. Why would you want favours from her?

Presumably she gets on with BIL and SIL so their relationship is completely different and that will impact on their relationships with the two sets of children.

Thanks that is what I was struggling with is the favour to me or the child if to me then I get it she won’t want to help.