I don't have any other family that I'm in contact with apart from my mother but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep doing this with her.
I have a 22 month old DS who is very challenging, he is currently seeing a SALT who has suggested possible autism and referred him for an assessment, we are on the waiting list. So things at home are more difficult than average for me I'd say and I struggle a lot to manage with DS but I'm doing the best I can.
That being said my mother is constantly criticising every single thing I do to do with my parenting. She frequently flies off the handle at me, blaming me for the way DS is and the way he behaves. She tells me I'm a bad mum and that she doesn't have these problems with him when she looks after him (3 days a week when I go to work) but I know that she has exactly the same problems as me as she tells me when I get home but then conveniently forgets when she wants to use that in an argument.
Today I planned a trip to the zoo with her and DS. I drove 30 miles to pick her up and get to the zoo and paid for us both to get in, but not 20 minutes in DS starts having a meltdown which is not uncommon for him when in a new situation as he gets overwhelmed. I took him over to a bench to give him something to eat and drink but he had worked himself up and was pretty much hysterical, banging his head onto the bench and screaming. So I sat him on my lap and put a cartoon on for him on my phone, not ideal I know but in that situation I didn't know what else to do to calm him down.
My mother saw this and snatched my phone away shouting at me that I am a bad mum for letting him watch something on my phone and that no wonder he is the way he is if he has a mother like me etc.
This caused DS to fly back into a meltdown and by this point there were so many people looking over at us because both DS and my mother were shouting so much.
In the end I had to put DS back in his pushchair and wheel him out of the zoo screaming bloody murder the whole way and walk past a huge queue at the door feeling like I was doing a walk of shame.
My mother was following behind me and when we got to the car she refused to speak to me the whole way back, wouldn't give me directions so I got lost and when we got to hers she just got out of the car and walked off without saying anything.
On the drive home I was so upset and feel like a terrible mother even though I'm trying my best she just gets in my head with all the things she says.
I wish I didn't have to rely on her to look after my DS while I work but I can't afford any childcare for him.
AIBU to feel like cutting her out of my life?
I just can't take this happening all the time, she never apologises but will come round after a week or so and say she understands how difficult he is and that I'm doing my best but then always ends up doing it all again.
I'm sorry this has turned into a massive rant! I think I needed to vent more than anything. Thanks for reading if you made it though all that!