AIBU to think 6yo DS shouldn't be having full on tantrums?

[donkeysandzebras]

Please settle a discussion between DH and I.
DS went into Yr2 this September and has found the step up in work exhausting. I wasn't too surprised by this as his older sister had the same shock a couple of years ago. What has surprised me is DS' reaction which is that most evenings and now every day this week (half term here and I have the week off) he has had a full on toddler style tantrum over some thing which seems tiny to me but is obviously the last straw to him. Not only does it seem ridiculous that he is lying on the floor screaming and sobbing his heart out, but he has regularly shouted at me to "shut up" and has called me a "bum head" and "stinky poo". Today he kicked me although instantly looked mortified and was massively apologetic.
Is this usual for his age? I don't think it is. Occasionally I have mentioned it in passing to family friends with similar aged DC and they look at me as though I have two heads. Friends with DC half of his age seem to be coming out of the unreasonable toddler stage whilst DS can still be locked in it. I have been in to speak to his teachers as I was concerned about what his behaviour might be like at school but he is delightful there and really easy going.
Today's tantrum was over what board game was being played next and took 30 mins to resolve. 20 mins of the tantrum and then 10 mins of calming down and cuddles. It was such a waste of time. At first I was reasoning with him and then I told him I wasn't changing my mind and he had to accept it but, when I ignore him, he just gets more & more hysterical as he tries to make shriek his point.

I think it’s not uncommon and he sounds over tired. Maybe the board game was a bit too much and he needs something less stressful and exciting.

Does he get enough fresh air and exercise? How is he sleeping and eating ?

I’m afraid they only move from one unreasonable stage of childhood to the other. You have been sold a pup if you think that the tantrums stop at 3.

Didn't want to run and read, but my 6yr old going through the same. I keep thinking everytime, where am I going wrong. However I think being overtired n hungry contributing to it.

Have a read of this...

www.scarymommy.com/after-school-restraint-collapse-is-real/

I'm so glad you posted this! My almost 6 year old can be a nightmare after school. The littlest thing can set him off. Thought it was just my child but that article really sums it up as he is really praised by the school and doing well (year 1).

And yes food definitely helps!

Neither of my dds had tantrums by the time they were 6, no.
But, that doesn't mean it's not normal, that's just two kids.

What you're going through is very common. Your DC is trying to become independent, so when something doesn't go their way they have a melt down because they don't know what else to do. I suggest you don't try to reason with him when he's in that frame of mind. I know when I'm angry, if anyone tells me to calm down it makes me want to rip their (ie my husbands) head off.
Let him have his paddy, wait til he's calm then ask if he's ok. Don't over analyse.

It's not uncommon, and you can feel proud that the worst insult he can come up with is "bum head". Many 6 year olds know far, far worse insults

There is a lot of pressure in the curriculum and not much opportunity to unwind.

I'm in the early stages of investigations for my 7 yo. His tantrums/ meltdowns can be quite intense and prolonged going into hours. They are worse at transition points start/ end of term, holidays, DH being away. They escalated rapidly in the build up to SATs and it looks highly likely that he is dyslexic, and there is family history of other associated issues. As a package of his idiosyncracies it does feel like there are sufficient signs to investigate. He's a concientious child who is usually lovely, but I think the emotional and mental expenditure of a school day causes him to release at the end. It's not uncommon for his peers to struggle at home after being delightful at school.

Tiredness, hunger and thirst make it much worse, and tackling those can diffuse some blow outs, also quiet time. At the start of this week, he was ratty in the morning and brewing on the way home from school. 40 mins of snuggling on his bed and reading picture books to him seemed to reset his mental equilibrium.

I know a 9 year old who still has full on tantrums. Her parents are already terrified about the teenage years. She’s just never been able to control her emotions. At 6, it’s still very normal.

yanbu. My DS2 is 6 (in Yr 1). The main issues with him are his constant wailing, his stubborn streak and backchat. I have tried everything. Time out is used regularly but makes zero difference. DS1 (8) is constantly at his little brother's antics even though he does tease him a lot which doesn't help at all. I spoke to his teacher and she was surprised as he is a lovely, happy and polite little boy at school.

He cries A LOT. I don't know of any other 6 year old who cries as loudly and as often as he over the most trivial of matters.

DH says (semi light heartedly) that DS2 has inherited his stubborness from me, how he likes to get his way, hates being told no, has to have the last word in an argument. I disagree of course (except with the last one). I was a very good child - one death glare from DM and I would sit back down quietly. DS otoh takes no notice. I regularly get called dumbo, poo mum, told to shut up and bugger off. The last straw was yesterday at the supermarket when I refused to buy some chocolates (he and DS1 had already chosen some). He shouted a racial slur at me picked up from school which his teacher was informed of before we broke up last week. He doesn't even know what it means but I wanted to cry. Told him he is banned from the ipad for a week. Massive meltdown and he told me I am the worst mum in the world.

It is comforting to know DS isn't the only one! So many of the points you have made ring true - from the older sibling who can be silenced with a raised eyebrow across a room looking quizzically to him to him being as stubborn as me to the whole unwinding after school thing.
The past two days have been much better and I haven't been shouted at once. In part, I think it is because I am offering him food every 90mins or so. I know MN law is that kids shouldn't snack between meals but I've decided I'd rather have a happy grazer than a hangry child. I have also been much better about giving him controlled options, talking about now and next, etc.
Thank you for giving me some control and calm back