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AIBU?

To not know what to do

14 replies

TombQueen666 · 23/10/2018 19:17

Sitting here very upset so please be gentle

I have suffered depression and anxiety in the passed, had cbt and tablets, which managed it. Got pregnant with my youngest and decided to come off them (with docs support) my DD is now 9 months.

My anxiety is now uncontrollable. It’s only ever about death, me dying or my children and I’m struggling to cope. I convince myself that trapped wind is bowel cancer and I’m going to die and leave my children. The feeling is so overwhelming my head goes hot, my stomache’s In knots, shaking and I feel sick. It happens everyday without fail. I know it’s not reasonable thinking but I can’t help it. I sometimes feel that if I did die atleast the worrying would stop (I’m NOT suicidal and will not harm myself) it’s just thinking in that way. I don’t feel depressed just overwhelmed with anxiety. I know if I go back to the doctors they will put me on tablets which I don’t want. I can’t have cbt again as I’ve had it in the last two years (in the area I live, you can’t have it twice in two years) I want to manage it without medication, any advice?

Just want to reiterate that I’m in no way suicidal or self harming.

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TombQueen666 · 23/10/2018 19:17

Past** please excuse spelling errors, posted too quickly

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SpottingTheZebras · 23/10/2018 19:19

That sounds really difficult. Do go back to your doctor and discuss your concerns and see what else can be offered. I hope it helps.

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cardibach · 23/10/2018 19:20

That sounds debilitating. Why don’t you want to take medication? It might help if you take something short term to get back on top of things.

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Allthewaves · 23/10/2018 19:23

Start taking medication again. Life's too short to be miserable. I take sertraline and have no intention of coming off as keeps me well

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Sippingtea · 23/10/2018 19:35

I had severe health anxiety and sertraline changed my life. My doctor was telling me to take it for ten years (!) before I finally caved. Please try again with this or a different med. Dont suffer needlessly.

Mindfulness has also been a life saver for me. When anxiety is severe such an approach sounds ridiculous but honestly, it has been such a huge help at times, as has daily meditation and learning to just ‘watch’ my thoughts rather than interact with them.

There are lots of books out there on the subject as you probably know. I read ‘mindfulness: finding peace in a frantic world’ and I’d definitely recommend it. Helps you realise why you have these thoughts and that it’s natural to react as you do but that you can also choose which thoughts to pay attention to. Gives back a sense of power and control which is the first thing to go when you’re having these fears.

Best of luck to you OP.

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TombQueen666 · 23/10/2018 19:48

I’m not really sure why I don’t want to take medication.

Yes it’s overbearing, I kiss my children goodnight and then wonder if it’s the last time. It’s so dark. It’s like there’s two people in my head, a rational one and one who thinks the bad in literally everything.

I’ve thought of what I’d do if I die while my children are little, what gifts I’d buy them to remember me by then I think, does my subconscious think these things because it’s really going to happen and it’s my bodies way of telling me. I can’t cope anymore and need to do something.

Thank you sipping tea will look into that

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NoSquirrels · 23/10/2018 19:53

I know if I go back to the doctors they will put me on tablets which I don’t want

It's the thing that's the right thing to do right now.

You can always come off them again, just like last time, if you need to or want to. But for now, get the current anxiety under control with medication, and then you will be able to see more clearly.

I can’t cope anymore and need to do something.

Do please consider it. It's not just best for you, it will be best for your DD too to have a happy, relaxed mother.

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Jessiemay88 · 23/10/2018 20:26

Iv suffered with anxiety issues for a while...its not terrible at the moment. I use Kalms sometimes (herbal tablets, sold by pharmacists tho so not hocum) they take the edge off and generally relax you. Maybe give them a try before going back to doc. No harm in trying tp avoid. But if doesnt help you then please go doc and follow their advice , hope you feeling better soon

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Rigamorph · 23/10/2018 20:32

Go to your GP for medication for the short term, then look into meditation (mindfulness practice better for beginners as doesn't usually require sitting still for prolonged periods) as a long term. Without medication you might find it hard to stick at it, these things take time to undo the unhelpful patterns of thought.
Once you see the effects of the meditation (might take a while for you to find a technique that suits you) you can wean off the meds.
Everything you need to help yourself is out there, you just have to want it.
Good luck!

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Fartymcnarty · 23/10/2018 20:40

Anxiety and depression are illnesses and no one should be afraid to take medication if needed. If you have IBS, colitis, a throat infection, you take medication. It’s no different taking medication just because the illness isn’t “physical.” No one should be embarrassed, or feel less of a person because of it. I’m not saying this is how you feel at all but I think this is the attitude a lot of people take and it shouldn’t be that way.

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PipeTheFuckDown · 23/10/2018 20:43

Take the medication. You do not have to live like this.

I’ve been on anxiety medication for 8 years solid now and have accepted that I’m a lifer.

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Joinourclub · 23/10/2018 20:55

Please go to your GP and accept medication. Your not wanting to take it is part of your disordered thinking at the moment. The medication will help with your anxiety.

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Wussypants · 23/10/2018 20:56

Exercise - I LOVE running, just 30 minutes makes me feel a million times calmer and stops my thoughts from racing. I hated running the first few times though!

Hope you feel better soon Flowers

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FatNoMorePat · 25/10/2018 15:11

I know exactly how you feel OP. Have you tried mindfulness? Just taking ten or 15 minutes out of my day has really helped improve my mood. I’ve also been getting out of the house and going to a yoga class which has been amazing for my anxiety. Just having that dedicated time a week to clear my mind and gently move and stretch has left me feeling so refreshed. I know that makes me sound like a hippy dippy daydreamer but I’m far from it! As for the anxiety attacks i try to control them by taking a deep breath and washing my hands and face in cold water and really try to understand that I am fine I will be okay and I will wake up tomorrow morning and have breakfast with my children. It’s baby steps but it it’ll get easier.

I do think you should reconsider going back on medication, I would be lost without mine.

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