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AIBU?

To not want to tell people about pregnancy...?

6 replies

PineapplePrincess · 23/10/2018 19:04

I’m currently 19wks pregnant following four miscarriages over the last 18 months. I have one DS currently aged four.

Given our recent history I have been struggling to speak out loud about this pregnancy. I cringe everything I say something, and feels like I will curse it by mentioning it or looking up baby items, names etc. We have been pretty much denying it’s happening.

I had to tell my boss pre-12 weeks due to really bad morning sickness. I told my team (I’m the manager) at 12wks, although I’m pretty sure they suspected already. Other than that I haven’t really told people.

In work today I had to allude to the fact I wouldn’t be around post February, but didn’t state why. When my boss called me out on it, I just said I wasn’t comfortable sharing info with work people when it isn’t something I’m actively sharing with family and friends at the moment. I said I may feel better post the 20wks stage, but I’m not sure I will.

I know I won’t be able to hide it forever (baggy clothes and wafting scarves are my staple atm) but AIBU not volunteering at this stage?

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Orchidflower1 · 23/10/2018 19:08

It’s your pregnancy and up to you when you say- even if it gets to the point it’s obvious you still don’t need to say unless you’re comfortable. Alternatively would you be happy for you boss or a trusted friend at work to spread the word so to speak so you don’t actually have to say but people know. Many congratulations.

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HalfBloodPrincess · 23/10/2018 19:11

Congratulations. I’m 10 weeks pregnant after a missed miscarriage in April and my intentions at the moment are not to tell anyone until I either absolutely have to, otherwise they’ll find out when (hopefully) the baby is here. It’s your choice if to tell anyone or not.

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AwkwardAsAllGetout · 23/10/2018 19:12

I have a similar history of losses and felt very reluctant to even speak about this pregnancy as I simply couldn’t believe it would be ok. I’m 17 weeks now and finally feeling ok. We had a 4 scans at the start due to my history and some unexplained bleeding, but everything seems to be fine. We told our families at 12 weeks and I found that incredibly hard. I think most people thought I was incredibly unhappy at the news as I sounded and looked very tearful and it was quite embarrassing really. I seem to have suddenly popped though, I definitely have a bump and suddenly do feel much more relaxed knowing it’s out in the open. It’s ok to feel nervous, but I feel I’ve almost wasted a lot of this pregnancy being so worried, so I’m really trying to be more positive from now on. We had a private baby bond scan at the weekend and it was so lovely, I’d recommend one if it’s a possibility. I find the nhs scans nerve wracking. This was lovely and relaxed, and we found out we’re expecting a girl. Makes it much more real somehow. Take things at your own pace, but I think at this stage you’re safe to open up a little, even if you make it clear you don’t really want to discuss the pregnancy in any detail. Anyone who’s not an idiot will hopefully understand x

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minniecat2406 · 23/10/2018 19:13

I'm 18 weeks with my first and of my work colleagues have only told my manager so he can recruit my mat cover. I know what you mean, I feel really weird about 'announcing' something so private. I'm just going to wait until it becomes obvious and then say yes, but not volunteer x

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Allthewaves · 23/10/2018 19:15

It's up to you but don't you look pregnant?

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PineapplePrincess · 23/10/2018 20:36

would you be happy for you boss or a trusted friend at work to spread the word so to speak so you don’t actually have to say but people know.

@Orchardflower1 - I’m not sure. I would feel awkward by any in-person ‘congratulations’, which I know are meant from a nice place; I’m just struggling to accept them. And I don’t really want people to know about the miscarriages.

I think I’m just confused by the whole thing, and just not emotionally prepared to be having conversations with people I’m not close to (altho’ struggling with people I am close to too!)

@HalfBloodPrincess - congrats to you too. I kinda feel the same, let people know when the baby arrives safely.

@AwkwardAsAllGetout - congrats, I keep waiting for that stage to come but it doesn’t seem to have hit yet. I keep moving to target of when I think I’ll feel better about it.

We’ve been fortunate to have a lot of scans to check progress, which has been both reassuring and nerve wracking. We had to do a private scan last miscarriage as NHS wouldn’t believe me that something was wrong, when it obviously was. I think that has kinda spoiled the idea of a private scan this time - altho’ tempted to find out sex to help me bond better (hubby is against that idea though!)

@minniecat2406 - it does feel really private doesn’t it? With my DS I got a few odd comments, which reinforces the desire not to say anything this time round. Particuarly as the person I was speaking to today, was one of the ones that said the odd comment!

@Allthewaves - I don’t think I do look pregnant at the moment, just carrying a bit of weight. I may be oblivious, and maybe everyone already knows! Blush

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