To not want to tell people about pregnancy...?

[PineapplePrincess]

I’m currently 19wks pregnant following four miscarriages over the last 18 months. I have one DS currently aged four.

Given our recent history I have been struggling to speak out loud about this pregnancy. I cringe everything I say something, and feels like I will curse it by mentioning it or looking up baby items, names etc. We have been pretty much denying it’s happening.

I had to tell my boss pre-12 weeks due to really bad morning sickness. I told my team (I’m the manager) at 12wks, although I’m pretty sure they suspected already. Other than that I haven’t really told people.

In work today I had to allude to the fact I wouldn’t be around post February, but didn’t state why. When my boss called me out on it, I just said I wasn’t comfortable sharing info with work people when it isn’t something I’m actively sharing with family and friends at the moment. I said I may feel better post the 20wks stage, but I’m not sure I will.

I know I won’t be able to hide it forever (baggy clothes and wafting scarves are my staple atm) but AIBU not volunteering at this stage?

It’s your pregnancy and up to you when you say- even if it gets to the point it’s obvious you still don’t need to say unless you’re comfortable. Alternatively would you be happy for you boss or a trusted friend at work to spread the word so to speak so you don’t actually have to say but people know. Many congratulations.

Congratulations. I’m 10 weeks pregnant after a missed miscarriage in April and my intentions at the moment are not to tell anyone until I either absolutely have to, otherwise they’ll find out when (hopefully) the baby is here. It’s your choice if to tell anyone or not.

I have a similar history of losses and felt very reluctant to even speak about this pregnancy as I simply couldn’t believe it would be ok. I’m 17 weeks now and finally feeling ok. We had a 4 scans at the start due to my history and some unexplained bleeding, but everything seems to be fine. We told our families at 12 weeks and I found that incredibly hard. I think most people thought I was incredibly unhappy at the news as I sounded and looked very tearful and it was quite embarrassing really. I seem to have suddenly popped though, I definitely have a bump and suddenly do feel much more relaxed knowing it’s out in the open. It’s ok to feel nervous, but I feel I’ve almost wasted a lot of this pregnancy being so worried, so I’m really trying to be more positive from now on. We had a private baby bond scan at the weekend and it was so lovely, I’d recommend one if it’s a possibility. I find the nhs scans nerve wracking. This was lovely and relaxed, and we found out we’re expecting a girl. Makes it much more real somehow. Take things at your own pace, but I think at this stage you’re safe to open up a little, even if you make it clear you don’t really want to discuss the pregnancy in any detail. Anyone who’s not an idiot will hopefully understand x

I'm 18 weeks with my first and of my work colleagues have only told my manager so he can recruit my mat cover. I know what you mean, I feel really weird about 'announcing' something so private. I'm just going to wait until it becomes obvious and then say yes, but not volunteer x

It's up to you but don't you look pregnant?

would you be happy for you boss or a trusted friend at work to spread the word so to speak so you don’t actually have to say but people know.

@Orchardflower1 - I’m not sure. I would feel awkward by any in-person ‘congratulations’, which I know are meant from a nice place; I’m just struggling to accept them. And I don’t really want people to know about the miscarriages.

I think I’m just confused by the whole thing, and just not emotionally prepared to be having conversations with people I’m not close to (altho’ struggling with people I am close to too!)

@HalfBloodPrincess - congrats to you too. I kinda feel the same, let people know when the baby arrives safely.

@AwkwardAsAllGetout - congrats, I keep waiting for that stage to come but it doesn’t seem to have hit yet. I keep moving to target of when I think I’ll feel better about it.

We’ve been fortunate to have a lot of scans to check progress, which has been both reassuring and nerve wracking. We had to do a private scan last miscarriage as NHS wouldn’t believe me that something was wrong, when it obviously was. I think that has kinda spoiled the idea of a private scan this time - altho’ tempted to find out sex to help me bond better (hubby is against that idea though!)

@minniecat2406 - it does feel really private doesn’t it? With my DS I got a few odd comments, which reinforces the desire not to say anything this time round. Particuarly as the person I was speaking to today, was one of the ones that said the odd comment!

@Allthewaves - I don’t think I do look pregnant at the moment, just carrying a bit of weight. I may be oblivious, and maybe everyone already knows!