Adult DC and visiting DP - who is BU?

[itwillbealrightpromise]

Not asking for me, promise! Actually for one of DD's friends who is quite upset this evening. They are late teens. I can see both sides and it's got me thinking...

DD's mate's DM has been seeing someone for a few months, has met DD and got on well, all fine. Her DM got home from work at about 5 and asked her to make herself scarce this evening, preferably for the whole night, as her BF was coming round. Friend was rather upset by this - we live in a small town with not much to do (not alone anyway, and all local already busy). I said she was welcome to come here, but Friend has an early start tomorrow and we live in the opposite direction of her college. The friend cannot drive for medical reasons unfortunately.

On one hand, I can appreciate wanting a bit of alone time with your DP, but when you've got other adults in the house I think you should share arrangements in advance. Who is BU?

Anyone telling an adult to vacate the premises for a whole evening and sleep in a different house that night on a couple of hours notice is being an idiot. The DD may well have plans of her own, and unless the DM is going to pay for a hotel for her DD to stay in, the DD has just as much right to be in that house as anyone else does. If it makes the DM uncomfortable, she needs to suck it up, and next time actually plan ahead.

I think the mums being U given the short notice.

The DM is being unreasonable. She wouldn’t vacate her house at such short notice if her DD ask her? Then she shouldn’t expect her DD to do the same.

Yep, I tend to agree. Apparently Friend was meant to be out this evening but didn't go - possibly changes things slightly but I still think it's a largely U request. It's got me thinking if I should ever be in that situation with DD (unlikely for some time!) but I don't think I'd tell her to leave. I think I'd just go out for dinner if I wanted to be alone with a BF.

The DM is being totally unreasonable, where does she expect her teenage DD to go? If she really needs a night of passion she could go to her BFs home instead or book a hotel. This would apply equally if the DD wanted to bring a friend home for the night.

I feel sorry for the DD being pushed out so that her DM can have a shag fest . And what an embarrassing conversation it must have been.

Late teen is adult!

Late teen is adult!

What do you mean by that? The Op has stated that the teenager goes to college so presumably she is a student, not exactly an adult who could be renting her own home - I have a 'late teenage' DS and I can't imagine a situation where I would tell him to 'be out of the house for the evening'.

Sorry, I know 'late teens' is ambiguous (trying to keep identifying info to a minimum)... they are both over 18 but still in education, technically adults but not in a position to rent anywhere. Obviously capable of staying elsewhere but not really at short notice. I also feel for her Ragwort, and I get the feeling the favour wouldn't be returned 

I don’t think it matters how old the friend is. Her home is just that, her home, until she moves out.

If the dm wants to have raucous sex and swing from the chandeliers, wouldn’t a hotel be more appropriate?

DM is massively unreasonable. Shocking that she wants rid of her child so she can....what....have sex with her bf? Ick. Get a ruddy hotel if you’re going to be that rowdy.

I think it's off anyway, but even more so on a school night!

Regardless of whether she’s technically an adult or a child it’s her home and being told to scarper for the evening so mum can shag her new fella is really rude and unwelcoming.