To ask if you would find these jobs hard?

[Boothybum]

I am thinking of a completely changing my career and want to go back to college.

I have always wanted to be a midwife or a paramedic. When I mentioned to my DH that I was thinking of going back to uni to retrain he sat me down and gave me his concerns about how he would worry that I wouldn't cope with the role.

He said that as I am quite an emotional person he would worry how I would cope with seeing people dead, babies dying etc. I said that surely anyone who trains for that role gets upset but he is worried I will go through all the training and realise it's "too emotional" for me.

So my question is to mumsnetters that work in these professions or similar, do you find it hard to cope with the emotional side?

I hate the idea of certain people being able to do certain jobs.

Why? It's not realistic to think that all people suit all professions.

Most professions have a wide enough variety of jobs that everyone can find their niche.

Depends really. I’m quite an emotional person in some ways, but I am very calm in serious or crisis situations and good at dealing with them both at the time and after.

It’s like the world slows down and it becomes very clear and easy to do what is needed.

I’m a paramedic and am the sort of person who cries at the John Lewis Christmas ad, Remembrance Day service etc. However at work I’m not massively emotional on jobs, you’re too busy to let it take over. I do sometimes cry on the way home if, for example, I’ve done a paediatric arrest but that is normal. The day I stop feeling is the day I give up the job.
Your ability to compartmentalise your feelings in daily life bears no resemblance to your ability to do it at work. There are people who struggle with it and they’re often not the type who you’d think would.
I would say give it a go, good luck.

OP you sound very compassionate and I think that is a trait lacking in many healthcare professionals. I would have loved someone kind and warm when I delivered my babies. It makes such a huge difference to patients. I think go for it, like any job you will get used to the tough sides. Wishing you the best of luck!

You just man up at the time and deal with it, then vent afterwards. I am a DSL in a school and hear some horrid stuff, but you stay calm and outwardedly professional, then have a rant or cry afterwards (or both!)

I lived with a lot of student paramedics back in the day and am still friends with some, and most of them have moved on to other jobs as it got too hard for them to handle. I think it is possible to separate your emotions and get on with the task at hand, but it’s not just the grim stuff that makes it difficult. The NHS is very stretched (as we all know) and the crews face an enormous pressure to perform, and I got the impression that, at least our local ambulance service isn’t the most supportive employer in terms of sickness and incident investigation and the people I know found this stressful. But at the end of the day it is down to the individual. I know a number of paramedics who have been getting on with it for the last ten years and seem to be doing ok (but they do complain about night shifts 😂).

I think there are quite a lot of blogs and books written by paramedics (and I’d imagine midwives too), so it might be an idea to have a look at those to see if you could get an idea of what the job is like. 😊

I suspect I could’ve done either of those jobs if I’d started in my early 20s. I’d definitely have considered it just a job and would’ve taken it in my stride, and grown with the job.

I think now that I’m in my 30s with children, a husband etc, I think I’d find it much more difficult to do.

I think it’s someth to do with being me being able to relate more to things now (or refer back to my own experiences) which I think I’d find difficult. Maybe not ‘on the job’ but definitely on reflection later

I'm currently in my second year training as a midwife.
My first delivery I passed out from the blood. Yesterday the lady had a 3L MOH and I didn't flinch. I can assist a placenta delivery with my tummy rumbling thinking about what to have for lunch. You do just get used to it.
I have assisted women to deliver stillborn babies which I thought would be too hard for me, it is very sad but being there for a woman in that situation takes that sadness away and I focus on her.
However, 12.5 shifts with a 30 minute break (if you're lucky) is torturous at times, night shifts even worse. I have thought about quitting a few times on hard days but I love it and couldn't see myself doing anything else.
You'll never know unless you try.

I work for the emergency services on the frontline. Not a paramedic. People at work will tell you I'm hard as nails and I will deal with whatever the job throws at me calmly and level headed and have done for the last 13 years. I've dealt with numerous deaths, serious accidents and injuries, I've seen things people think only happen on tv dramas with my own eyes and I can say I'm one of the very, very lucky ones who has never struggled with what I've seen. Lots of my colleagues have but the service you work for has mechanisms in place to recognise when you're struggling and to help or step in and point you in the right direction. No one wants their colleagues to suffer. I know help is accessible if I need it.

But my family will tell you I'm soft, and when I watch tv programmes such as Ambulance I find myself welling up, being the kind of person who can compartmentalise and can leave work behind when you shut the locker door with your kit in it I think helps. Frontline emergency services isn't an easy job, it's physical and the shifts are both physically and mentally exhausting, but my god, I joined at 30, and it's the best thing I ever did. If you feel you can do it, and want to help or make a difference to even just one person, whether you choose midwifery or paramedic, then go for it!!

You have to be able to leave work, at work. I can finish a shift then come home and cry at something on the tv...it's not about not being emotional or caring, it's about being able to deal with those emotions at an appropriate time/place (away from patients, discuss with colleagues etc)...

Hey OP I'm a 2nd year student nurse. I am a really emotional person (cry at everything!) and the first thing anyone says to me when I say I'm doing children's nursing is 'oh but that must be so sad'. The truth is, it just becomes a professionalism thing. You might feel really sad and frustrated if something bad happens, you're human! One of the core values of nursing and midwifery is compassion. However you can take yourself off to the loo, have a sneaky cry, get your shit together and carry on! Then do your best to leave it all behind you when you come home. Pampering and distraction are the best techniques... i.e a hot bath, glass of wine and a Tom Hardy movie!

It really depends on your personality and resilience. I don't work in health care but in an environment that can be incredibly volatile, I've worked with people who have been victims and perpetrators of the most horrendous offences you can think of, have done in depth psychotherapeutic work with them and have heard and seen things directly from people and from case files that would make a lot of people ill and not be able to sleep. I've worked with a lot of people who can manage it, and a lot of people who can't and leave and experience a huge amount of trauma. Neither is better than the other. I'm about to have my first baby and have no idea how I'll react when I return to work, some of the most heinous situations I deal with are against children and it's part of my profession to dig into the detail and motivations. I know some people who've lost their ability to do it after children, but I know others who carry on just fine. I can't tell you how it works, something in my brain just clicks, I can't even show an emotional reaction or the work I do will be ineffective (and some offenders use disgust to control a situation) and that's without even thinking about the suicides etc.

Is there a way for you to volunteer in an environment where you'd be exposed to trauma or death to see how you manage?

I used to be a carer for elderly and terminally ill younger people and it is a bloody hard job and thats knowing your patients are dying. I dont think i would cope well in a job of unknowns where you turn up to an accident and find the person deceased. Have you watched 999 whats your emergency? Imagine some of these scenarios (very real °TRIGGER WARNING)

Turn up at a call to a child fallen through a roof. Turn up and find child dead with severe injuries.

Call for child hit by tractor. (Child dead and unrecognisable at the scene.) My aunt attended that one and sobbed for days.

Excited woman gives birth. Baby unresponsive. You work on them but they just never rurn pink or breath.

You get a call from a frail elderly person living alone in squallor. You call SS who say they cant come out until morning. You must leave elderly scared vulnerable person all alone all night with no help even when they cry and beg you to stay.

These are just some calls. By all means if you feel emotionally ok. But i was a hard hearted person and know even watching it from afar upsets me for ages. Some cases stay wirh you forever.

I work on frontline ambulances and I'm a very compassionate and emotional person but I find it easy in most cases to deal with. It sounds terrible but you don't have a connection to these people. You do your best for them and then you move on. It's never the cardiac arrests or the trauma calls that stick with you. It's the ones that you don't expect that do. The Mental health jobs or taking a patient to a hospice to die; knowing this will be the last time they ever feel the wind in their hair or the sun on their face. They are the jobs that stay with you. It's the most rewarding and sometimes frustrating job in the world.

Ona side note; most Ambulance trusts have their own training programs and they will pay you while you train it takes a few years longer but might be an option.

I have worked for many years in the health service and seen many, many distressing things.
Have always coped, managed to do my job and not let it effect me negatively.
That is until I was working in a maternity unit.
Some things are just so heartbreaking, and if you can’t separate your emotions you can do more harm than good.
Think very hard about this. If you can some work experience is a good idea.
Good luck

I’m a midwife and I’d say I’m quite an emotional person in my personal life.

In your job you develop mechanisms to set your feelings to one side - because it’s all about the woman and her family and not about you. It is actually incredibly rewarding to be able to be the person who can be there for someone at such a traumatic time in their lives. All midwives will have had times when they sobbed all the way home from a shift but it is usually not like that.

What leads you to be attracted to these professions? They’re actually quite different in nature.

Ok,on a practical level both jobs involve working shifts eg earlies,evening,late and public holiday
Will dp assist when you're on duty Xmas day,lates or BH Monday
Midwife and paramedic are only superficially similar eg both NHS
Midwife work with pg women and babies from pg to postnatal care in hospital and community
Paramedic works with all ages,all genders,all situations,in community

Why are you gravitating to these careers,can you discuss with any practitioners?
Do you have the grades or will you do an access course?
How will you manage financially

Most people in these jobs have good support network of friends and colleagues .,debrief informally and check in with each other
You learn to undertake the task,and not get distracted. You compartmentalise

Tv airbrushes & glamorises these job,the necessary but mundane is overlooked as it doesn’t make good tv

Only you know your demeanour and resilience, ability to train in either of these roles

I couldn't and I'm a definite people person. I think it's the accountability, the responsibility, that would terrify me. I'm a secondary school teacher and people say to me 'I could never do your job' but while I'm accountable for progress and exam results, it's not life and death. I can make a difference, but if I don't manage to there are 9 other teachers trying to make a difference to the same kid. I know a couple of paramedics who are very modest about what they do. I have nothing but admiration for them.

Think practically.
Will your Dh give you support while you train? Long hours, irregular hours even as a student? Will you be ab;e to partition off awful incidents and not be a sobbing mess?

I work with life limited children a lot. Last weekend a pupil died totally unexpectedly (she was not life limited at all.. healthy well, with epilepsy) and her sudden death floored me in a way I did not expect.

My DD2 came home tonight from her shift at work... she's a children's hospice nurse. A baby came straight from being born to die at the hospice..they had 3 hours before he died. She was matter of fact about it.. her words were 'he looked quite perky for a dead baby'. It's not that she doesn't care... she does, deeply, but she has to be a professional, support the family and do the necessary paperwork. She detaches from the situation to remain sane.

There are a lot of days when her job is quite boring and mundane but she is still exhausted at the end of her shift.

There are many ways to help people (I'm in special Ed) and it doesn't have to be frontline!

I’ve not had experience but I worked with a girl who left to do 999 call handling. Honestly when she told us, I was so shocked as she was the most emotional, princess for lack of a better word. Everyone scoffed at the thought of her dealing with harrowing calls as she cried at sad stories in the office. It’s been 3/4 years now and she’s absolutely flourishing and loves it.
If you think you have what it takes and it’s what you really want to do go for it! It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or thinks

I’m very emotional and, despite me always saying I could never have a medical job, I do deal with funeral related things on a regular basis and some of which is quite distressing (stillborns). You do get used to it - it just becomes part of your “normal” and yes it obviously does still make me feel sad but I’m not in floods of tears.

If you feel like you can handle it. Go for it, life is too short to not. Enjoy your life and because your an emotional person these caring roles will be great for you. You'll learn to compartmentalise, you can't learn empathy. Best of luck

Emotionally easy. I've done high-stress, life or death stuff before. As long as I feel I am doing something, that my involvement means something, I can cope with the stress and sadness.

Night shifts would KILL me if I had to do them again. Literally kill me. I eat shit, feel like shit, do no exercise and drink too much caffeine and alcohol. Not at the same time but still. And can't sleep normally at all.

Ask yourself why you want to do these jobs and be honest with yourself.

Then think about what the day to day of each of these roles will be.

Then think of doing this ages 55+.