I give up

[Cookiesandjam]

Arghhhhh on here for a vent
DSS is 20 years old and lazy iv tried to help him as much as I can.
But I can't cope no more while DH burys his head in the sand
He refuses to get a job and so he signs on.
He's rude arrogant disrespectful to people on top of that I have to put up with lots of crap over the years including police coming to our door with three Rape accusations.
From different people.
He lies constantly.
What gets me is PIL think he can do no wrong so therefore I'm pointed out as a witch that needs to butt out.
He's upstairs on his Xbox and thinks that his friends online are "Real" and that his gaming is real life
He's threatened that he will call the police if we take his console away FIL has convinced DH not to turn off the internet to his console.
DSS refuses to work saying it's boring.
PIL say it's cruel of us to ask closed off of him when he's only on universal credit.
I have explained that there is no incentive for him to work.
He has a roof over his head and clothes.
I'm pregnant and feeling hormonal so that's probably not helping either thanks for reading!
Sorry for lack of spelling and paragraphs I can't work this device correctly and iv lost my contact lenses 😳🙁

If you weren't pregnant I'd probably say leave. Your husband has got his 20-year old son's back but not yours. And he's got the support of his parents. So you're one against several. You have no chance.

None of it sounds good but including police coming to our door with three Rape accusations that is very concerning.

I'm afraid in your shoes it would be ultimatum time. Him or me.

Do you really want your child growing up in this mess? Is there anywhere you can go for the time being, like your own parents, while you make plans to move out? It sounds like you currently live in a really toxic household.

Agree with above. Additionally, if PIL are so supportive of DSS lifestyle and choices, perhaps he can move in with them.

If not, can DSS get housing of his own elsewhere? At 20 it’s not an unreasonable request for him to find his own accommodation.

I have 16 yr old ss very similar except it’s rugby and I would say get out now.
Grandma thinks he is amazing and thinks it’s fine for him to attack his father when he is told to speak more respectful to people.
I have recently stood my ground with my partner and sai enough is enough.
What are you actually gaining you can’t even dictate the rules in your house. X

I can't imagine that he'll get away with that approach too long on Universal Credit.

I don't understand what your in laws have got to do with it and why they seem to be making the rules?

If I were you, I would be packing my bags and leaving. There is no way I would bring my baby into that situation. I strongly suggest you get the hell out of there.

Three rape accusations?!?! 😱😱😱

Rape accusations?????
Perhaps he could live with FIL.

Where's his mother?

Pack him up and drop him in front of PIL's house...

YANBU

Since PIL seem to think his behaviour is acceptable, perhaps he can live with them?

In your shoes, I'm be moving myself out unless he went elsewhere.

It isn't unreasonable to expect an adult to look for work and contribute to the house - who cares if it's boring?! It's tough - bills don't pay themselves and he needs to realise this. Nor is it unreasonable to expect him to be respectful.

I would be telling your husband? That either the step son shapes up or ships out ir you will be going.

Why can't he live with PIL?

What exactly is your DH doing about it!

I'd kick him out, if his grandparents think so highly of him they can take him in.
You have to think of the health and wellbeing of yourself and baby, he's 20 old enough to take care of himself.
My son is 18, he dropped out of college after doing 2 years of a 3 year course and I told him he had to find a full time and pay board and lodge by middle of August or he had to enrol for the 3rd year, he found a job start of August and is enjoying it.

He needs to be kicked out.