We are recently engaged.
We wanted to elope but now (post engagement) DP has decided it’s not what he wants (there are good reasons) so now we’re looking at a traditional wedding.
Fine, tbf his happiness means the absolute world to me. We discussed timings and agreed we’d consider May-Dec 2019 dates.
Went to see a venue a few weeks ago and fell absolutely in love- equally so. Unfortunately hidden costs made it unrealistic for our budget (we’re funding 2/3 of the event out of savings).
They offered us a July date at a hearty discount and I was THRILLED but DP was very reserved. I gently questioned this but he was adamant he just wanted ‘all the information’ before getting excited- fair enough.
We told family about this date, emailed providers, called registrar...etc. But DP just didn’t seem quite as sold on it as me (refused to admit this though) until last night when I sort of snapped- fed up of being gentle and encouraging and demanded he tell me WTF was wrong.
Well it seems he’s not sure about the date and would rather wait an extra 2-3 months and pay £3000 (out of our pocket) more.
It makes me so mad that he’s just gone along with this for the last few days telling family and letting me get more and more attached/ excited (despite offering many opportunities to discuss concerns he just repeated ‘It’s quite soon but it’s doable!’).
I knew he didn’t seem enthusiastic but he brushed it off and told me I was being silly.
At this stage it feels like I’ve really lost something giving that date up- I’d just started to get properly excited and now I feel totally ‘extinguished’ when I told him this he backtracked and claimed he was on board and wanted to go for the date too. But it’s taken the shine off now and I told him to call the venue today and cancel. It’s like, we found the perfect compromise but he just picked issues with it.
“June is too soon- other dates are too expensive. Couldn’t possibly elope.” 😡 Yet he also thinks 2020 is too long to wait.
I slept on sofa last night and had a little cry. We’ve never had any issues in our relationship V healthy until now.
AIBU?
To feel frustrated AF with DP
MeteorMedow · 23/10/2018 10:43
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Oh that would drive me mad. My DH has been known to backtrack on stuff but never big stuff. It's bloody annoying.
If he's an academic type, then I would take an academic approach (as will probably become clear, I am not an academic!) and would pose some open questions that need a logical, rather than emotional response. I personally would also do it by email so he has time to consider his answers properly. I would probably start with:
- Do actually you want to marry me? (okay, that's not an open question!)
Assuming the answer is yes...
- Please give me a reason why waiting another three months makes any more sense than getting married in July (and saving £3k)?
- All this dithering and backtracking is actually very upsetting and makes me feel incredibly insecure. How can you reassure me?
If none of that works, I be going for his sensitive areas with an electric fly-swat and torture it out of him
I was ready to marry DH long before he asked me. We'd been together 4 years. He asked me in December and we were married in April. 4 months to book and organise a wedding and a honeymoon in Sorrento.
- My DH wanted to be married but didn't fancy the actual wedding.
- I really wanted 2 or 3 guests on a beach sort of thing.
- BUT once he'd asked and i'd said yes he suddenly wanted his whole family there, big wedding, whole shebang
He went from one extreme to the next!
We compromised: 25 guests. White dress. Afternoon tea country house venue type do. Was lovely. Cost apx 2k.
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