To think that if you think of divorce within 6 months of being married you should end it?

[Harmonyrays]

I've been married over 10 years we have 2dcs. My dilemma is that I very frequently think of divorcing my husband! It can be after a small disagreement, me feeling resentful he does not help out woth the house, kids etc. It started 6 months after we married. Prior to that we had been together a couple of years and were really happy. Something changed after we married and it went down hill within 6 months but i could never bring myself to end it.

I'm wondering if it's unreasonable to say that If you think of divorce so early on then it's unlikely to change and you probably should give up?

I think this is quite normal. I frequently think about divorcing my husband but the reality is I never would, he's just irritating, as, I'm sure, am I!

Thinking about divorce and new fantasy better single life after a row is my default mode. My friend, deeply religious and very devoted wife confessed that after a row about vegetable soup, she got down a suitcase and was packing it to leave and divorce. I think its normal, its good to know there are get out clauses, even mental ones.

Glad I'm not the only one then! Thing is it's not only after arguments. Can be when nothing bad has happened. It just feels like it's so often now. I think it is thinking the grass is greener! Is it?

Maybe part of the reason is now everything seems so permanent. When we had our first argument when married I remember thinking.. oh crikey... don't have quite the same option to leave as easily and freely now.

Been married 5 year now. Ofcourse have had hard times, overal and now included very happy.

Give it time and reassess in another 6 months maybe.

I do the same. We’re planning a celebration for our 20th wedding anniversary next year, but I still sometimes think about it- usually in relation to murderous thoughts about things that I’m doing while he relaxes. I have no intention of acting on it though, I’m far happier with him than I would be without.

I'm 2 years in and yes, probably shouldn't have married as I constantly think of separating now. We're not arguing , just got some of the fundamentals wrong and I don't see it working out which is a shame but like you say, if you're thinking of it constantly... there's no grass is greener thought for me... I'm just meh about it all

This is the opposite of my experience. If DH and I fight the minute I imagine what would happen if we divorced I’m hit by how awful it would be and how I would miss him, and it’s enough to diffuse the argument.

I guess the main question is does he make you happy? Is the overall feeling of the marriage a good one? Do you feel more supported than undermined?

It doesn’t sound like a great marriage, to be honest. If you’re both so resentful at this stage in your relationship, imagine what it’s going to be like when you get to your 50s and beyond when you realise that you’ve spent the best part of lives with each other. I got divorced in my early 30s; and even though I didn’t initiate it, in retrospect it was the best thing that ever happened to me and (probably) my ex.

That’s likely to not be the reassuring answer you want to hear, is it? Sorry.

I thought about it on honeymoon... limped on for 10 years but if I hadn’t I wouldn’t have my children and I’d not change a hair on their heads

I fantasise about divorcing DH about 3 times a week all over stupid little things like his inability to put his used tea mug in the dishwasher. We have a very happy stable marriage but that brief minute of imagining not having to sort trivial things for him is bliss

Well it's difficult to know what to do. There are times when I feel happy but they are brief. I feel like I have to do most of the work with the kids, I dont get time to myself because he can never look after them alone. I take care of all the household stuff and work. He works full time and contributes financially so no qualms in that respect it's everything else. I think he knows I'm not that happy. But I feel I'm making do. Hes not happy all the time either but says he loves me, couldn't imagine life without me etc. I feel like I've lost respect for him over a few things but I honestly can't see me ending it because on the surface we have a great life together. Those who have been in it longer term, can you just make do? When other values such as stability are present.

I am really sorry you are going thru this. It sounds miserable. Can you identify what changed when you married? Did you like together before hand?

I don't know about 6 months but if you've been thinking about it for over a decade now, it's definitely time to call it a day and move on. Otherwise you risk waking up one day and your whole life passed you by next to the man you've been thinking of divorcing 6 months after you got married!

The things I don't know what changed other than maybe the reality hit him. There was some financial stress at the start as well. But we were so, so happy before. I remember the day, 6 months in, when I thought I've made a mistake. He was snappy, cold with me etc. That's changed now and he's nice to me most if the time but we fall out over the smallest of things and j just think I want to get away from him. It's just so often now I feel like I'm going to be like this permanetl.

The things I don't know what changed

Does it matter? It's been over 10 years now!

Thoughts are just thoughts.

Well it does matter because I wonder if it will be like this forever, is that a way to live?

Well it does matter because I wonder if it will be like this forever, is that a way to live?

In my opinion, no. You have one life. Why spend most of it making do?

I feel slightly bad about what I wrote above, which could influence the OP’s really important life decision. Whatever you do, OP, think it through carefully and get advice off of trusted friends that know you well, and don’t pay too much attention to random anonymous posters off of an internet messag board.

Thank you Joey. Thing is there are several other factors that influence my decision (religious beliefs,values) that would over rule my desire. It's a relief to know there are others who have thoughts about divorce and yet don't act on them.