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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or is he...

16 replies

sophisticatedsarcasm · 22/10/2018 22:28

I’ll try not to drip feed...
I grew up with an extended family that me and my brother did everything with. As we were the only kids we loved it. We used to go on holiday etc. As we grew up and we moved away it sort of stopped. We see them quite often and they have invited me and kids on holiday. I said no straight away as we are taking kids to Disneyland next year and I honestly don’t have money as have a lot of expenses next year. Told DP about it and he went off on one saying he’d be upset if I went without him. I think it’s a bit unfair because he doesn’t like flying so I’d miss out just because of that. I have no intentions of going it just pissed me off as he expects me and kids to miss out just because he doesn’t like flying. My DS wouldn’t go anyway as he has ASD so being around lots of people h3 wouldn’t manage. My mum didn’t travel at all and always made sure we went places with other family members etc. So tell me who’s being u?

OP posts:

UpstartCrow · 22/10/2018 22:31

He is! What parent would expect their kids to miss a trip to Disneyland because they didnt want to go themselves? We are supposed to want better for our kids than we have, not resent them.

Original poster

sophisticatedsarcasm · 22/10/2018 22:36

@upstartcow

Sorry if I confused you but we as a family are going to Disneyland but are going by train so is not a problem for DP... I’ve been offered to joint the others on holiday in Portugal.

OP posts:

SpottingTheZebras · 22/10/2018 22:40

My DS wouldn’t go anyway as he has ASD so being around lots of people h3 wouldn’t manage.

Will he manage Disneyland?

PrincessWire · 22/10/2018 22:48

I'm sorry I'm a bit confused. You were offered a holiday, you said no but your DP is upset about you going, even though you're not?

Maelstrop · 22/10/2018 23:08

I'm sorry I'm a bit confused. You were offered a holiday, you said no but your DP is upset about you going, even though you're not?

Yup, pretty much. Odd.

feathermucker · 22/10/2018 23:13

Confused.com

FissionChips · 22/10/2018 23:16

Been drinking the wine?

HeddaGarbled · 22/10/2018 23:22

Neither of you are being unreasonable. You aren’t going on holiday without him so it’s a hypothetical and unnecessary argument, no?

DeusEx · 22/10/2018 23:30

Sorry: OP could you clarify the situation, your post is really confusing.

WelcomeToGreenvale · 22/10/2018 23:32

You don't want to go on the family holiday, so said no.

Your DP is angry because he doesn't want you to go on the family holiday.

You are going to Disneyland soonish. Your DS can't deal with a lot of people due to his ASD.

What's going on here OP?

Returnofthesmileybar · 22/10/2018 23:34

I'm not confused. He is being unreasonable, I know you aren't going anyway but does he actually expect you never to fly because he won't?

Did you know about his dislike of flying before you married him?

WelcomeToGreenvale · 22/10/2018 23:34

Did you tell your DP that you'd declined the invitation, or did you just tell him that your family had invited you to come with them on their holiday?

If the latter, and you knew how he'd react, that's manipulative at best.

Original poster

sophisticatedsarcasm · 23/10/2018 07:45

Sorry guys .....I’ll try again....
Basically me DP and kids are going on a family holiday to Disneyland.. in addition some family fri3nds asked if we want to go on a separate holiday with them at another time, I declined. Told DP we’d been offered and as he doesn’t fly he defo wouldn’t go. He said he would be upset if I went without him even though I already declined on the basis of lack of money and shift loads of expenses next year.

I was asking if he’s being u on the basis that if I could go he is essentially stopping me because he can’t fly and expects me to not enjoy myself based on his fears.

A/n to the poster who asked me about asd son, he’d be fine at Disneyland... I meant he wouldn’t manage so many people (family and friends) in a villa. He’s very reserved. It’s a hard one to explain.

OP posts:

EmUntitled · 23/10/2018 08:01

Its all hypothetical anyway and a non issue. You are being unreasonable for overthinking it and getting upset about something that hasn't even happened.

DowntonCrabby · 23/10/2018 08:09

I think your first post was perfectly understandable OP.

He is BU. It’s a good time to state for the future that if you have the opportunity and if funds and the circumstances for your DS permit, that you won’t be opting out just because he doesn’t like to fly.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 23/10/2018 08:10

It's a difficult one. I do think it's unfair of DH to expect to be able limit you and the DC going away because he can't fly. And the kicking off is completely out of order.
But on the other hand, if he has a phobia of flying it can't really be helped, and I can see it would feel awful to him to be excluded from a holiday with his family.

I think on balance your DH is BU.

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