To be disgusted by my own body at 6 months postpartum?

[isshoes]

It’s not the weight. I was overweight to begin with and am pretty much back to my pre-pregnancy weight now, although some of the fat seems to have redistributed itself somewhat. But I can live with that.

(This is about to get gross...)

What bothers me is the leakages and the smells. Despite having an EMCS and not having pushed at all, I had quite bad issues with urinary incontinence at first, and whilst it’s much better now, I still always feel slightly damp, or like there’s a few drops about to dribble out any minute. I think this must be psychological as I’ve had a number of tests which have come back normal, but it drives me insane.

Then there’s the intertrigo (sweat rash). If I’m not careful I get it under my beautiful tummy apron, or under my boobs, and I keep getting it between my buttocks. I guess this must be linked to my next issue, which is that I’m so often hot and sweaty. If I go a lazy day or so without a shower, I feel and smell much worse than I ever did before.

My baby and I both had E. Coli infections when she was born, and she was very poorly. I then had recurrent infections for months (UTIs/infections in my surgical wound/random other skin infections), and on top of that I have OCD, with a crippling fear of passing on a contagious illness to other people, especially my baby. This makes the constant leaks (imagined or otherwise) that much harder to deal with.

I probably need some counselling to deal with the psychological issues, but can anyone else identify with the physical issues at least?

Feeling excessively hot and sweaty is a very common physical symptom of anxiety. I wonder whether you've gotten into a bit of a vicious cycle whereby you worry about smelling etc, so then you get hot and sweaty, you realise you're sweating so you get even more anxious and so on. Have you ever had CBT? It might help.

That’s interesting- I didn’t know that. I’ll look into it, thanks!

Didn’t want to read and run but after child birth your body can be a mixed up time...

Have you had your thyroid checked?

I’m sure your gp can help

I feel you OP - my DD is 9 months and the horrible hot flushes have only started calming down over the past few days - and I'm still not convinced they've gone altogether. I hate it! No solution but lots of sympathy.

Hey Op, I am 5 months PP and can relate to
Some of your issues like being hot & sweaty with an itchy rash and being generally a bit more minging then before! I have put this down to rushing around more and having less time to actually care for me. I have anxiety too. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone, that's all. 

I had terrible sweaty flushes for the first year after my son was born, I was really conscious I smelled . I started using soap instead of shower gel and I feel much cleaner and that means I feel more confident, it also helped clear up the sweat rash thing. My son is 16 months now and everything has gone back to normal. I still hate my emcs apron but I think that was a mental thing, after a while I just started to accept it and whilst I don't like it, I no longer feel like crying when I see it. Since my son started to walk at 10 months he sleeps much better at night and I think the most important change was when sleep deprivation started to reduce, now my brain works a bit more I can be kinder to myself xxx

Thanks all. Feeling ‘generally a bit more minging than before’ sums it up perfectly! And yes, the low level discomfort is draining. The down below issues occur mainly at night, when I’m trying to sleep, which is very annoying.

I’m 6 months pp too and I’m still having hot flushes and other issues down below which I thought would have gone now. I don’t have any solution but it’s a huge thing for your body to go through so just be kind to yourself.

I used to wake up drenched in sweat, I think it’s just the body’s way of getting rid of the extra fluid that builds up during pregnancy. It gets better after a while!

I feel like I've gone through puberty again post partum. Suddenly my skin and hair became super oily, skin broke out, and started growing hair all over my legs, which wasn't the case before.

Also triggered a skin issue I already into overdrive but that's since been treated.

Slowly it's getting better.

It took 9 months to make your baby so give yourself a break. There must be a good reason after all that doctors suggest waiting 18 months before trying to conceive again.

@zzzzz

"Just shower twice a day"

I thought everyone on MN showered 4 times a day. 🤔

Thanks all for your comments, it’s good to know I’m not the only one feeling like this (at least some of the physical symptoms anyway). MrsLem - I used soap this morning in the shower and it did feel better! zzzzz thanks for your kind words and suggestions, but unfortunately with the best will in the world I couldn’t find time to shower twice a day. Also once I’ve had my shower for the day, I don’t feel dirty or smelly for the rest of the day really. Obviously the answer to that is to shower every day, and I do most days (between 4 and 6 days a week, especially if I’m going out). It’s more that I’ve noticed that I smell more the next day before I shower than I used to pre-pregnancy, if you see what I mean? Also I’m referring to smells that gross me out rather than that would make me smell bad to other people, such as that caused by the sweat rash etc..
Don’t I sound like a catch! Anyway, I think that typing it all out has made me feel better, and I have a few good suggestions to help things improve.

You definitely need to shower more, I know it feels like a massive undertaking when you’ve got a baby taking up every minute, but you’ll feel so very much better. Your physical issues are all, by the sounds of it, things that would be improved by being fresh and clean. Having a shower isn’t exactly counselling, but it does make you feel good, even when you can’t face having one and you force yourself you do tend to feel brighter afterwards. It’s a bit like going out and getting a good dose of fresh air... seems that when you need it the most you can’t face going out! I know the feeling post-baby of just feeling like shit, I get that. For me it was only time, putting it to the back of my mind and just keeping on, and then over time you start to recognise yourself again. I always feel like we should be warned about how it feels to come back from pregnancy with a totally different body. It stands to reason that if it took all that time to stretch out and accommodate a growing baby, that it would take a long time to go back to normal, but it’s hard to accept that when you’re in the midst of it. Be kind to yourself, nobody but celebrities seem to “bounce back”, I don’t know anyone in real life that has just sprung back into themselves within six months.