To keep this to myself

[user1473756940]

I have a 12yo DD. Her father hasn't seen her in 2 years. If you asked him he would say that I have stopped him seeing her but the truth is I told him he would have to have supervised access as the last time he saw her he refused to bring her home, made up accusations of abuse and I had to get the police involved. He refused to be supervised and so hasn't seen her. I haven't heard from him in over 12 months and no longer have a way of contacting him as the number I have doesn't work and I don't know where he lives as he had previously refused to provide an address.

DD obviously does miss him as he is her Dad and she loves him but it doesn't seem to bother her too much. She seems a lot more settled than she was when she was seeing him, because it was always inconsistent, he let her down etc.

I have been told (and now shown) by a friend, posts on social media of him selling all his worldly possessions as he is moving and leaving the country. Good riddance as far as I am concerned.

But should I tell DD? Is ignorance bliss?

You have a residency order. You're fine.

That's good to know.

Its so hard to know what's best especially at 12 years old, and she is a mature 12 year old. If she was little then I would feel confident in making the decision for her.

I'm glad you haven't had any problems so far - long may it continue!

I only raised it because I'd seen other people on here have issues when ex partners refused to do things or couldn't be found to do things that it now makes me wary and want to make sure that it's something that people have at least thought about and decided if they need to do anything or not - rather than get caught out and discover that they want to do something but can't because their ex (or lack thereof!) is scuppering it for them and their dc...

Here's hoping that you're both very happy with him on the other side of the world!

To me the further away he is from us the better but its not about me.

I've got no real way of opening up a line of communication for her to say goodbye unless he approaches us anyway.

So I think I am just going to not saying anything certainly for the time being. If I told her now we may not even be able to facilitate a way for her to say bye so that would be awful.

I know that she does feel rejected and this isn't going to help especially if he makes no attempt to let us know or make contact.

She knows she has got me and that I will move heaven and earth for her and will always be here, I guess that is all I can do.