I’m so depressed, lost, lonely and unhappy

[Star011]

Hi guys. Sorry for messaging, I’m just so tired. I don’t know what else to do.
I lost my job back in June not because I did anything wrong but because a new line manager didn’t like me. I think that put me in extreme (but repressed) shock as then my life was flatter than ever. I started dating my next door neighbour, even though my intuition said don’t do it as i knew his energy wasn’t what I needed in my life. I ignored it, because the sex was great and then I got involved in the drama triangle. I found out he was an alcoholic a few weeks in and I tried to rescue him, to ‘fix’ him. I guess it boosted my subconscious ego to feel wanted and needed and I fell into the rhythm of seeing him loads per week, sometimes 5 times and I stopped making plans with my friends as much. I fell in love with the idea of being with someone again- maybe because i was at a vulnerable time in my life, maybe because I was unhappy and lonely anyway. Because of his drinking and avoidant behaviour, I got so anxious during the relationship that I felt unwell and even had a panic attack once. Anyway, he chucked me when he could see I had feelings or was too attached for him, and since then, I’ve been trying to stay busy, keep up my yoga and social life, but inside I just feel so lonely. I have to see this person every day through the window and he’s now so horrible to me, he doesn’t want anything to do with me. He’s used me and chucked me and now I don’t have anything he wants, he doesn’t want me in his life. It hurts as I gave him so much. He was going through a rough time when we were dating in different areas of his life and I was completely there for him always, physically and emotionally. But he’s not been there for me now. I realised I’m a giver and he’s a taker and my friends say it’s not my fault but it still hurts, you know? To put everything into someone and then when you need them, they chuck you. I don’t know whether I miss him because he’s still physically so close, or because I’m just an unhappy person. I’m 30 and I never thought my life would be like this. I’m living in a boxed-houseshare with people who don’t make my time there very pleasant, I’m jobless and I live so close to my ex. I am a qualified and experienced person in my industry, but I know more and more people are out of work at the mo. I feel like my life is lacking direction and purpose atm. I’ve got amazing friends but I feel like I need someone experienced to talk to in therapy, but I can’t afford it. I don’t know what to do...

I'm not very good at flowers and huns unfortunately but why not dust yourself off tomorrow and start looking at nearby employment agencies. Tell them you've had "caring duties" for the past few months (they won't ask further questions about this) and you're now able to get back to work. Just take any old job they throw at you, it has to be better than JSA and will mean you can get the deposit together for a new shared house. You can always look a better job in a few months. Also, work might help you feel a little less alone. Of course, you might not be ready for that just yet and that is OK.

As for therapy, are there any self-referral NHS therapists in the area? The one round here is called "Let's Talk", there could be something similar in your area - give it a Google.

Oh star!!

Why don’t you try to get some seasonal work as more places will be recruiting now it’s the run up to Christmas? Even if it’s just part time it means you’re out of the house more and you’ll be interacting with new people and not your nasty housemates or seeing your ex about as much.

Have you told your friends how you’re feeling?

OP

So sorry to hear this.

The NHS offer free therapy and counselling, and it can be very effective. They offer it by phone as well as face-to-face. I would suggest that you look into this, as it may be helpful.

In terms of work and jobs, I would also suggest that you contact local temping agencies and look for jobs in our industry just to get your foot back in the door, as previous posters have suggested. I know it’s much easier said than done though It might be helpful to apply for a certain amount of jobs per day, and to arrange meetings with recruiters, temping agencies and local companies partly to change up your day as well to have a change of scenery and to get some ‘leads’ for jobs.

I think it would also be really helpful to make time for things that you enjoy doing as much as you can. So, for example, you could arrange to meet a friend for lunch or coffee one day or meet a friend or family member to go to the cinema. I would also suggest finding ways of meeting new people, such as going to an event organised by a local social group or something similar, or joining a group related to a hobby you enjoy.

I hope you find this helpful. I promise you’ll get though this!! We’re all here for you. Please do keep posting

Hi all. Thanks for the messages.
Yes, I’ve been working for agencies the whole way through the summer and was earning a third of what I would have earned in my normal job. I’m still earning the low wage as the work just isn’t there. Every time a suitable job comes up within a 45 minute drive, I apply, so I am trying.

As for things with the ex, I guess I have to let it go, right? He’s not there for me so just shows he doesn’t care like I did/do.

Yes, I applied for a course and I’ve been signed up to a low mood course. Unfortunately it was a 5 month waiting list so it starts at the end of November. I feel like I need something now though. I feel like I need 1:1 therapy with someone who really knows their shit. Last night I couldn’t sleep due to suicidal thoughts. It’s only thoughts but it’s not healthy. If my housemates weren’t bullying me right now it wouldn’t be so bad, but I’ve got no one close by, I think that’s why my subconscious thinks I need his company still. Friends are semi aware but all of them seem to have their own mental health stuff going on they can’t be there for me.

If you're getting suicidal thoughts OP I think it would be worth getting some urgent support from your GP. They may be able to refer you for some quicker help? There's also Samaritans you can call 24/7 so there's always someone to talk to.