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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take SS home when DH asked?

35 replies

AliceRR · 21/10/2018 20:44

We have DH’s son of 13 every other weekend Friday to a Sunday. Usually DH drops him off around 5-6pm on a Sunday.

Today DH has been adapting a shed we bought for the rabbits. They are mainly my rabbits, so he was doing it for me, which is how he’d see it I’m sure. He has done really well and been working hard all day.

I’ve also been “at it” all day. I am sitting down for just about the first time today apart from when we have all sat down to eat. I have washed up several times, cleaned the house, helped DH with the shed when I can, driven to Wickes and back twice to get things, done laundry, made, made a roast dinner, made DH frequent cups of tea...

I’m 24 weeks pregnant and the last few days have been feeling a bit weak and faint. Wasn’t sure whether it was just pregnancy related or if I was coming down with something. Today I felt back to normal but was getting sore legs and back ache by late afternoon from being on my feet.

I was trying to do the house work while going out to hold things and find things for DH and make him tea. I was a bit annoyed SS wouldn’t help rather than me doing three things at once but I think DH couldn’t be bothered with the argument. I even had to carry things I’d have rather avoided in Wickes but it was ok.

Anyway DH still needed to take SS home and at about 8 o’clock asked if I would. I really didn’t want to! It’s now half 8 and I still need to have a shower etc and if he’d mentioned it earlier than I would have taken him. It’s a 1.5 hour round trip

I feel bad for saying no since he was sorting out the shed for MY rabbits all day but I was also doing things for all of us all day and I helped him too.

I feel like he’s annoyed but I’m exhausted, have back ache and I know if I don’t get back til 10 o’clock and then have a shower and go to bed I’m just gonna be exhausted tomorrow!

I tend to go to bed early (have a shower around 9 and then in bed not long after hat) whereas DH typically goes to bed around 11-12 so he won’t lose sleep by going.

Maybe I’m just having a moan because I’m tired. I was a bit upset because he left clearly a bit annoyed but he must know I have had a busy day too. I wouldn’t usually have been on my feet as much but I had to as he was doing the shed. I didn’t ask him to do it today by the way, like I said I think he had in mind it would be something for him to do with his son because when the shed arrived and they put it up, they did it together and they enjoyed it. SS has expressed an interest in finishing the job! So because DH was outside doing it alone I had to do everything else in the house and go outside to help with the two person jobs.

OP posts:
OrigamiZoo · 21/10/2018 20:50

There is no way I would go on a 1.5 hr round tip at 8pm on a Sunday evening, even without being pregnant!

Candlelights2345 · 21/10/2018 20:51

YANBU, it’s nearly your normal bedtime, so put on your pj’s and tell him your feeling the strain of being busy ally plus pregnancy aches & pains.

Whereismumhiding2 · 21/10/2018 20:51

YANBU "I'm pregnant, I'm tired & achy from being on my feet and on the go all day. I'm having a shower and going to bed, night love. (Kiss to DSS)"

DH needs to take his DS home. He's left it rather late. He could have stopped working in rabbit hutch project far earlier.

Original poster
AliceRR · 21/10/2018 20:54

Thanks ladies. He has left now but did it with a bit of an attitude. I did say I’m tired and aching (I had been saying earlier in the day that I was aching from being on my feet). I understand he’s probably just tired too but didn’t think it was fair to make me feel bad as I did feel bad! I know he’s worked hard all day.

OP posts:
RedDrink · 21/10/2018 20:58

You both worked hard and it's his responsibility to plan to take his son back.

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/10/2018 21:01

You’ve BOTH worked hard all day. YWNBU to decline doing the trip. He had no right to assume you’d do it and it’s not your fault he made his life harder by letting DSS sit on his arse all day rather than pitching in as they’d agreed.

It’s done now. Don’t feel bad. They’re getting some time together having spent the day apart. That’s a good thing. I’m sure DSS has a great relationship with you but he’s there to have contact with his dad.

Go have a shower, get yourself to bed, sleep well and don’t take any attitude from a sulky man who was hardly put out by driving his son back.

Original poster
AliceRR · 21/10/2018 21:02

Just stood up and have very sore back and top of bum. Decided IANBU! 😂

Hope DH is not in a bad mood when he gets home.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 21/10/2018 21:03

Men and their DIY projects! It’s a rabbit hutch not the hanging gardens of Babylon. You had to drive to Wickes twice, act as his assistant, make him cups of tea and no doubt express extreme and continuous admiration and gratitude in between doing every other fucking thing that needed doing in your house today. Whilst pregnant and tired and under the weather.

He’s being a prat.

bellabasset · 21/10/2018 21:05

I can understand that your dh probably wanted to finish the shed today. But you need to very gently make him aware you are feeling tired as your pregnancy progresses.

I think in future if your dh is late in taking SS home just remind him. Your ss might need to get ready for school or need to get to bed by 9pm. My friends boys are a bit older and can be absolutely tired out on a Sunday night, especially when they are up late at the weekend

Original poster
AliceRR · 21/10/2018 21:05

and no doubt express extreme and continuous admiration and gratitude in between

Yes exactly! 😆

OP posts:
GruciusMalfoy · 21/10/2018 21:08

YANBU. Does he realise what you've been doing all day too?

Dollymixture22 · 21/10/2018 21:09

It sounds like he didn’t get to spend much time with his son today, so they can catch up in the car!!

Original poster
AliceRR · 21/10/2018 21:11

@bellabasset Yes I think he can be a bit disorganised tbh. He should have known what time it was and if he’d asked me earlier I may well have taken him. I have dropped him off / picked up before but when I was thinking about it being bedtime I couldn’t face it.

All day I was trying to get the jobs done so I could sit down and relax in my nice clean house for a few hours this evening (I liked a relaxed Sunday evening before going back to work on Monday) but it became increasingly clear that wasn’t going to happen as once we’d had dinner and pudding and put the rabbits to bed I didn’t have it in me to wash up again so now the kitchen is a bit of a mess too. It will have to wait until tomorrow as I need to sit down. I’m even putting off getting in the shower now although the hot water might help...

OP posts:
Original poster
AliceRR · 21/10/2018 21:13

@GruciusMalfoy I think he should know as I said a few times I was struggling, when he kept asking me to do things. I couldn’t not help him but it was hard and I ended up having to go to Wickes twice which obviously added time on to the other things... anyway... I think he knows but maybe doesn’t appreciate that I find things a bit more difficult now and do get aches in my back and legs after being on my feet so long.

@Dollymixture22 Yes I hope so!

OP posts:
QueenDoria · 21/10/2018 21:18

I feel a bit sorry for your SS tbh. His dad has been faffing about all day with your rabbit hutch, and his weekend ends with squabbling over who can be arsed to drive him home. Don't be surprised if the visits stop soon...

Maelstrop · 21/10/2018 21:26

Why didn’t your ss help his dad? Was he sitting in the house alone? Super day for him, not!

Juells · 21/10/2018 21:27

Did you get pregnant by turkey baster? Parthenogenesis? Self-fertilising egg? The Holy Ghost?

Jeeze, you'd think men had nothing to do with women getting pregnant, and it was a huge inconvenience for them that, while growing another human being in their stomachs, sometimes they're not their usual efficient energetic selves.

Dreamscomingtrue · 21/10/2018 21:31

Read ALL the Replies, the son did help build the hutch, he wasn’t sitting in the house all day!

Cheesecake53 · 21/10/2018 21:32

What QueenDoria said.

ChikiTIKI · 21/10/2018 21:34

I don't think you're unreasonable. Also just wanted to say maybe you should get your iron levels checked. I started to feel tired and weak at 24 weeks and by 30 weeks I was crying from being so tired! Was all better after 6x B12 injections but would have been better to get it sorted earlier!

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/10/2018 21:46

Not helpful or remotely fair based on what OP has said QueenDoria

Original poster
AliceRR · 21/10/2018 21:47

@QueenDoria @Maelstrop TBH increasingly SS spends time on his Xbox in his room and just about comes downstairs when he’s hungry! A few weeks ago they put up the shed together and enjoyed it and I think that might be way DH thought he’d do it today while he was here but it didn’t work out that way. We didn’t squabble in front of him. DH asked me while his son was upstairs and I said well I’m tired so don’t really want to and then DH asked again (also when SS was upstairs I think) as if he thought I’d do it anyway but I said no and then he left and just said “bye” whereas he’d usually give me a kiss etc. No argument but he was a bit off / cold.

@ChikiTIKI Thanks. I think iron levels were ok when last checked but not sure when that was. It’s not so much tiredness now as feeling lightheaded and weak. And one day a few days ago I was really achey especially my legs. I nearly took paracetamol jusy for that whereas I have tried to avoid it during pregnancy. Really wasn’t sure if I was getting a cold or if it was due to flu jab (altho that was over a week ago now) or just general pregnancy side effects. I’m aching now. Will mention to MW when I see her.

OP posts:
Vixxxy · 21/10/2018 21:50

YANBU at all. If he usually gets dropped off at 5-6 then why on earth has it not been asked til 8pm?

DH might have a bit of a strop about it. But thats tough really. You have been on your feet all day, you are pregnant, and you are tired. And its his son. His lazy son by the sounds of it, who wouldn't help with anything all day. Maybe you wouldn't be as tired if he had helped out.

Original poster
AliceRR · 21/10/2018 21:51

@Dreamscoming true SS was in the house all day except when he went to Wickes with DH once in the morning. He was in his bedroom playing XBox all day.

He helped put up the shed about four weeks ago and today DH was adapting it internally but did that alone as SS went inside after about 10 minutes.

OP posts:
Original poster
AliceRR · 21/10/2018 21:54

@Vixxxy Well yes. I had asked him to come to Wickes to help me get the stuff as he knew what it was (having been without DH earlier) and I thought I might need help with it but his answer was “why?” and then “I’ve already been once” hence I ended up going alone, twice.

Twice was because one of the things DH asked for they didn’t have specifically (a size of wood) so I had to pick the next best thing. Couldn’t ask dH as he had left his phone in the car with me(!) so had to guess then went back to change it when he said it was wrong 🙄

OP posts: