I'm drowning

[Brightsunset]

Yeah I know I'm probably being U but it's all too much. My sob story is that I had an extremely abusive childhood & then went on to spend decades married to an angry man with a personality disorder who took control of everything - and I was happy with that because it absolved me of all responsibility. I've finally extricated myself from that mess & now I'm on my own. For the first time in my life (in my 50s) I'm now in charge of everything. If I don't do it, it doesn't happen. I feel overwhelmed. Just learning & managing & knowing how to pay bills. Buy food. Get a job. Mend stuff. Take care of everything. My mind is sozzled and I'm very tired. Absolutely everything is down to me. Does anyone else ever feel overwhelmed? We lead such complicated lives. I aspire to being one of those really 'sorted' people who has all their shit in order. I feel like I have a child's capability inside an adults body. Anyone else?

Brightsunset you escaped an abusive childhood and a marriage to a controlling angry man. You are amazing. Please do not beat yourself up.

Make a plan of how you can do a few things and then take it one step at a time.

As far as bills being paid can you set up some things with the bank, get them to help you?

Register with job centre and make sure you are getting any benefits due to you while you job hunt.

If things break, consider how serious it is, if it is 'this thing will kill me if not fixed' get it fixed professional or buy a new one (kettle toaster etc) if it is just this picture has fallen off the wall and is now propped on my sideboard - fine.

Buy food, I love buying food that is on special offer, eat within date or freeze, I love ready meals, I love easy easy pasta meals and salads that don't require much effort, I love tinned fish like mackerel in nice sauces, I love bagels and cream cheese. Find what you love, eat what you like. It's daunting but also exciting.

Well done. Good luck The hard bit is over, you are free, this is your me time, it won't be easy, but you can go to bed when you like, watch what TV you like, tell yourself GOOD, KIND messages about yourself. Google positive thinking and tell yourself often how fucking amazing you are.

Well done- sounds like you’ve done the hardest bit!
A lot of us feel like we’re winging it, and get overwhelmed.

A wall calendar helps me. I would remember nothing without mine.

When you start to feel like you are drowning, remember that none of this stuff matters. It feels big to us as we all have this sense of self importance but nothing awful would happen if you thought, ‘screw it, I’m going to lie under my bed and eat wotsits for 24 hours and do nothing else.’ It wouldn’t be productive, no, but the world, or your life, wouldn’t implode. There are people living in the rainforest without tv licences, who don’t collect nectar points and who go to bed without loading the dishwasher. We overcomplicate our lives to make things easier for ourselves- how ironic.

But yes- wall calendar

Ignore all the internet cleaning freaks .. Flylady .. Mrs Hinch etc .. no one needs them telling you to sort out your handbag or polish the sink .. like a previous poster said .. we are all winging it !!! Don't be hard on yourself and just bumble along like we all do 

I feel like I have a child's capability inside an adults body. Anyone else?

Yep, all the time. Feel like I'm just faking being an adult, and I'm the one who sorts all the bills out.

I make lists. And monthly budgets.
Price comparison websites help as well for insurance, gas and electric.

You're awesome. I found learning to bullet journal gave me some structure.

I also found "how to do everything and be happy" by Peter Jones helped me enormously with planning and getting my life to how I want it to be. It's very easy reading.

You do know, my lovely, that some never get to the point you have done?

You do sound a bit depressed, though. Worth popping to the doctor for a check up?
I dream of perfection; I achieve "good enough". So do most, I suspect, so don't be hard on yourself.

Ignore all the internet cleaning freaks .. Flylady .. Mrs Hinch etc .. no one needs them telling you to sort out your handbag or polish the sink ..

You might not, some do, I did (and do)!! Doing flylady has helped me immensely and eased my stress and anxiety and helped me to learn to be kind to myself, with a clean organized home life as a gradually built up aside. It's most certainly not "cleaning freak". The fact that millions of people are actively subscribed shows it works nicely for a lot of people. Not everyone, sure, but certainly not no one.

No one has it all sorted.

If you spot someone who you think has it sorted, get to know them a bit better and you'll probably find out that they don't.

Don't beat yourself up.

It took me a few years to really get the hang of all the responsibilities that come with managing life, and I got the normal stepped access into grownup life that most people do.

You will get the hang of Bright. It is all doable if you don't stick your head in the sand. And once it's become more routine and no longer feels like it's overwhelming you, it gives you so much more opportunity to prioritise things in your life so that you get the most out of it.

Fuck me, don't we all feel like we're children stuck in adults bodies, waiting for another sensible adult to come along and save us or tell us what to do. I really admire 'proper' grown ups, I'm just winging it hoping that the mask doesn't slip (too often!).

I think EVERYONE feels like a child pretending to be an adult, at some point or another (and, to be honest, for very extended periods of time).

You need to find what works for YOU. It's a process of self-discovery - be patient, and enjoy it. You will make mistakes, but it's worth it - and, believe me, ultimately, it's fun!!

I’m 52 and I’ve never really felt like a grown-up. Now I’ve realised that I’ve got the rest of my life to grow up , I don’t intend to start just yet! Many many people are just winging it and faking it, we’re nowhere near as sorted as we appear.

You have done amazingly to escape your awful past, and now your life on your own is full of so much opportunity. But that can be scary, because there’s so much out there. To overcome what you have overcome, you are so much more capable than you think. The rest of it is just small stuff. Which you can do in small steps. Be kind to yourself, and praise yourself daily.

We are all just winging it and muddling through. No one can say 'I have this whole life thing sorted'. There is usually one area we are all probably a bit neglectful.

I think yes I am being really healthy and doing loads of exercise, then it's oh shit we haven't had sex for a few weeks. Or wow our relationship is going great and so is my work, then damn I forgot to do the homework project with DS. Then I am on top of the homework and quality time with DS and then I forget to get my car serviced. Or the bills and car is sorted, DH and DS are happy and I have put on a stone!! 

It's a whirling role of responsibilities!!

Desert island for us all with no cars and bills!!

Ah......but then it would be hunt and get firewood.

I'm with you OP, I have been feeling like this this week, every time I sort one problem another one pops up, i am trying to be a good mum, work 2 part time jobs, start up my own business, have pets and look after them properly, sort finances, run my car, sort Christmas presents, activities, gas and electric, internet etc all while trying to loose weight and be healthy. It is so overwhelming.

Nobody is completely 'sorted' - some people are better at pretending to be, is all.

Bills: if you miss one, they'll remind you! Food: eat when you're hungry. Pasta and a sauce out of a jar is a meal. As is a jam sandwich. Mending stuff: there are videos on youtube on how to do absolutely everything. Make lists (if it's on a list you don't have to keep thinking about it) and do one thing at a time.