To expect ex to collect and return DS?

[cfkch]

Me ex pays no child support and is expecting me to collect DS from ‘anywhere in the Uk’ when he has him, or pay for petrol. Advice please? I’m going to enter into mediation but what do I do in the meantime? Stop access- which seems pretty unfair in DS!! Help

What me and my ex do is on the day he has my dd we meet at the bus stop her gets off at. And then when I have her back it's either I collect her from school (he dropped her off in the morning) or we both meet half way between each other's houses.

It's not his fault that you don't drive though,
Him not paying any child support is a seperate issue and needs to be sorted but its fairest to split traveling 50/50. He's responsible for coming to get him and you should be responsible for coming to get him back.

@upsideup
What a hypocrite “it’s not his fault you don’t drive”!!
It’s definitely his fault he’s failing to support his child.
Would you be happy with this arrangement for your child?

It’s only “fairest to split travelling” yes when he pays for his child’s upkeep

@OhDearGodLookAtThisMess he doesn’t earn much and tbh I’m able and happy to support my children. It’s when things like this come up that gets my back up because I never ask him for money even when I’m struggling! It is all about control. I think, if I don’t get anywhere with the mediation, I might go down the half-way contact centre / police station.

@Ghanagirl totally agree it would be fair to split only if he made any effort to contribute (whether I ask for it or not)

So what if he doesn’t earn much and you can support your children?
Claim the maintenance your children are entitled to and let him take you to court for contact.

I love this thread . Rp has joint responsibilities in all to do with contact although no say in what he does where he lives🙄
However it seems like you aren’t going to cms for maintenance which actually makes you come across as not taking the control you do have

Your child will best be supported by a legal agreement. Remove the guesswork and remove his ability to use custody as a means of control. Formalizing that agreement is not failure. If he ever becomes more cooperative, you can mutually agree to exceptions and variations, but you will always have the formal agreement to fall back on as the default.

@Starlight345 I’m trying to be as reasonable as possible, hence not going after £26 pw from ex. I don’t think that makes me irresponsible. He already owes money left, right & centre so I’d never get it anyway. All it would do is make this situation a whole lot worse!

Actually op you would be making the situation better for him. His responsibility is his child. Caring and providing for his child. His entitled little shit behaviour is due to people letting him off. Cms and keep going til they place an order on his account. Otherwise the feckless idiot will get someone else up the duff cos he believes babies are free.

Is your dc at school. How about offering a regular midweek contact. Wednesday after school til Thursday morning. He can pick up and drop off from school

@Feefeetrixabelle he lives too far away to do that otherwise I’d happily have that discussion.
Sleepless night last night mulling this over

You should definitely go through CMS. If you really feel you don't need / want the £26 pw you could always stick it in a savings account for the DC.

Re travelling I think it's only fair you split the travelling but he does need to start paying maintenance!

Contact CMS as has been suggested for maintenance.

Contact a solicitor RE access arrangements. A plan needs drawing up, maybe both of you could meet somewhere in the middle but no of course you shouldn’t be ferrying your DC to him every week.