To think DM is being selfish and it's time to put the cat to sleep

[PurpleOctober]

Parents have a 20 year old cat - I don't live with them anymore but obviously I used to and this is a family cat.

Said cat is now very old and frail, but has evident health problems. She can barely walk, and poos around 7-8 times a day (diarrhoea). She can barely walk to the tray anymore, she just poos all over herself.

She was taken to the vet, who said to treat her would cost in the region of £800, and even this treatment may not work.

My dad refuses to pay this, but my mum won't allow the cat to be put to sleep. She thinks the cat is fine and will get better.

I'm in the camp that thinks it's cruel to let an animal suffer like this. I know I don't live there anymore but I don't agree with an animal suffering. AIBU to think sometimes it's kinder to put animals to sleep in situations like this?

I agree with you - it’s cruel to let the cat suffer poor thing. And at 20 yrs old unlikely to get better. I would put it out if it’s misery.

Absolutely agree. Could you have a chat with the vet and get them to check in with your parents on how the cat is doing (if they don't hear back for repeat appointment etc they will likely assume all is well). Maybe prompt the vet to use slightly more heavily worded statements like "it's becoming a welfare issue" would make your mum realise?

I think you should have a chat with your mum and gently point out that the cat has no quality of life left, won’t get better and is suffering. It’s hard to let pets go but she’s being selfish.

My dm spent £998 before the vet would admit poor dcat needed pts.
Then charged her another £100 for that.
Your dm isn't showing great love to her poor dcat leaving it hanging on.
Hopefully you can manage to help her make the decision needed op.

I agree with you. I think that’s awful. If you’re not going to attempt to medically treat the problem (which I think is pretty shameful in itself), then it’s the height of cruelty to leave the animal suffering with no quality of life. Especially after 20 years of love and companionship.

It's ALWAYS kinder to put animals to sleep in situations like this.
The problem is, when it's your beloved pet, the thought of it is too painful and living in hope seems to be the least awful option for the pet owner.
However, this is not fair, or kind, to the pet.
All you can do OP, is try gentle, persistent, persuasion to encourage your DM to let go.

Yes the poor cat is telling you parents it is unwell and has had enough. You have all given it a lovely life but it is time to say goodbye.

My dcat was 21 when PTS, he soiled himself twice, then fell over a toy but just sat there and gave me the look I'll never forget and I knew it was time.

Can you take over, give your mum 24 hrs to say goodbye or offer to go with her?

Your mum is being very selfish, understandably, but it’s just cruel to let this poor cat carry on.

When our 13 yr old family dog had to be pts even my dad cried as it was truly heart breaking but it was in its best interest.I feel for your mum and dad but they do need to put the cat first

My mum thinks the cat can get better. I don't know if she's in denial or what. My dad thinks it's time, but my mum would throw an almighty fit if he or anyone took charge.

I agree with you. If it was my cat I'd have had her pts before now. I think it's the last act of love you can do for them.

She really needs to have another conversation with the vet and I think the vet has to really explain the realities here.

Ahhhh your poor DM :( I do agree it sounds like it's time but I'm not sure what anyone can do apart from gently speak to her about it and keep on. Maybe give the vet a call and ask them to convince her?

She certainly is in denial because the thought of losing her pet is too painful to contemplate.
Trying to take charge here will not work.
The harder she's pushed, the more she'll dig her heels in.
It is a case of gentle, repeated, persistent persuasion.
Deep down, she knows what needs to be done she just needs to gather her strength and do it.

Would an alternative tack work with her? e.g.. commenting on the house smelling or how much work must be involved in trying to keep poor puss clean?

I had a friend whose husband took their dog to the vet and had him put to sleep without telling her.
It didn't end well and she never forgave him so I wouldn't go down that route.

I asked the vet what she'd do if our very poorly cat was hers. She didn't hesitate before telling me she'd put her to sleep. I do think your dad should make the decision and take her to the vets, given that he's denied the poor cat treatment.

I feel like this is about to be flipped into a euthanasia thread and OP is really talking about her grandma or something 😬 just me? Probably just me.

@Wingedharpy The house stinks, but she doesn't care. She is fin washing her, which has to be done several times a day as there's poo in her fur

Apologies if I cause offence here OP, but, if your DM is living in a house which reeks of cat sht, and she doesn't care, is her mental state what it should be?
Does she have the mental capacity to make the decision for this poor cat or is that never going to happen?
How does your DD feel about living in a smelly home? - and cat shit is particularly vile (not that any sht smells of rose petals).
What about the health risks to others?

I think somebody needs to take control here for the poor animal's sake.

I don't think trying to gently persuade your mother will work and in the meantime the poor cat is still suffering. I would be tempted to just insist that a vet visits or you will report to the RSPCA, leaving an animal untreated and suffering is an offence. If she never forgave you for it then I'm afraid it would speak more about her than you.

Someone needs to tell your mother that the cat is suffering and in pain. She wouldn’t want that surely? I know how awful it is, just over a week since we had to have our 16 year old jack Russell to sleep, but it was for the best and will be for the cat too.

I have had cats for many years, and sadly they have all eventually made the last trip. I still feel guilty about one who I realise I left a bit too long, it wasn't until I looked at his "last " photo that I realised how poorly he had been. Since then I have erred on the side of a week too soon is better than a week too late. I think it is sometimes very difficult to see the way our cats look , even when to others it is obvious.

OP have you got any pictures of the cat when he was in full health? If your mum sees them she might realise how far he has deteriorated.