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AIBU?

DP wants a vasectomy but I don't want him to

4 replies

mamaandthegirls · 21/10/2018 00:17

We have 2 lovely daughters together (2 years and 2 weeks) and my partner has decided this early on after having DD2 that he wants the snipSad DD2 seems to be a little bit more harder work than DD1 who just spent the majority of her newborn life asleep (at 2 she's still like it now!) as well as that, DD2 seems to be more demanding with the fact she is very fussy and cries more than what DD1 did, this seems to have made up DP's mind with wanting a vasectomy. He's not even 30 yet either, and I've told him I would love a 3rd one in the future but he seems to have made up his mind pretty sharpish. I know I sound incredibly selfish but I just can't help think he will regret this decision in years to come.

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Aquamarine1029 · 21/10/2018 00:38

I think he sounds quite sensible. If he doesn't want another child, the discussion is over.

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lau888 · 21/10/2018 00:46

It sounds like you will regret his decision. Have you told him that? He might regret a future divorce; if it’s something that is likely, you should tell him while he still has time to consider the full implications. (His vasectomy wouldn’t prevent you from having more kids with someone else.) Two children is a lovely number. The baby-yearning may cease as they grow older. x

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Disquieted1 · 21/10/2018 00:50

The standard response you'll get is "his body, his choice."
Now if he makes this choice, you also have a choice about how you wish to react.

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AutumnEvenings · 21/10/2018 01:05

My DH had a vasectomy at the age of 31, two and a half years after our second child was born. We had a boy and a girl, he decided this completed our family end of story.

We talked it through and I suggested he should wait for a while. We discussed pros and cons, I pointed out that if we split up and he married again, he might regret this. DH said that he just could not go through the child rearing years again and that he did not think we would ever get divorced. Even if this happened he was clear in his own mind that he would not want to have more children, but would prefer to ensure our children were provided for as best he could.

He was convinced that I would want more children in the future, which I had to acknowledge was actually true. In the end he made an adult decision to go through with this and I had to respect this.

The back story was that I went back to work after two short mat leaves which was all that was available at that time. He had to get involved in childcare much more that he really wanted to, but had no choice because we had a big mortgage and bills to pay. There was no way we could live on his salary and no way he could change this at the time. If I had been able to stay at home he would have been happy to have more children, but it wasn't going to happen.

We have now been married 36 years. We have been able to give our children a lot of support with their university education and both are doing very well in life. I still look back and would have liked another child, but it was never going to happen with DH.

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