I actually think I’ve been very reasonable.. I just appreciated all your help last time!

[Yelsgirl]

So you may remember a few weeks ago I posted a thread about my ex’s mum asking for the cot back that she bought for my unborn child.
( he left me at 26 weeks pregnant - I was/ am gutted I decided to cut contact until baby arrived as I was so stressed and he started to be rather nasty)

Fast forward to now ..
I’ve had an awful time the last couple of weeks. Mainly surrounding an admission to the antenatal ward- baby is measuring very small and it looks like she’ll be out next week. During this admission I contacted ex and I have to say he stepped up. He was the help I needed at the time I needed it and we dealt with tbe situation constructively so both of us knew what was going on with the health of the baby. His mum hasn’t dared to mention the cot agajn either...

But basically I am having an ELCS. I had told him he wasn’t welcome in as I wanted support for me. He didn’t mention it again as I think he knew I wouldn’t back down. After lots of thinking this week I asked him if he would like to come in ( if nothing else because I actually don’t have anyone else to go in with me - which didn’t particularly bother me)
I asked him this purely because I know I’ve done everything possible for this baby, I know if he flakes out I can look at her and I know I never stopped anything and I encouraged that initial bonding.
Wether I’ll regret the decision or not is yet to be seen- but in all honesty the only reason I don’t want him in is because I still have feelings for him. Which I need to be strong and put aside.

But basically - He is visiting me for a chat this week as I’ve said I want to plan visits.
He disagreed and said he wants to be able to see how it goes regarding when he can come but I told him I want to know when I’ll have help etc etc.. so where do I start with planning this ?
Visits for a newborn seem strange to plan because I know she’ll need me, do I suggest him staying at the hospital? Do I suggest him coming everyday at first?
I know there’s no right or wrong answer as everyone’s different I’m just not even sure what to suggest. And you all helped me so much last time

I hope on your last thread people made it clear to you that he doesn't get to call the shots?

Only do what you are truly comfortable with. I'm sure it has already been suggested, but don't give the baby his last name and it may also be a good idea to not put him on the birth certificate. He (and his mother) sound very controlling, and though it may be tempting to try and lean on them for support, can you be sure they wouldn't use it against you?

Oh God don't express just so he can have the experience of feeding the baby. If you are breastfeeding, it takes a lot of time, you don't need to include learning how to express and the time it takes just so he can feed the baby a bottle.

Be careful after the birth, all those hormones that make you fall in love with your baby can make you feel really in love with other people too!