DD 1st birthday tomorrow and aunt has died tonight

[Kerrieanne85]

Hi everyone this is my first post on here. So tomorrow is my DD's first birthday which is obviously a very exciting and special day. We had planned a small family get together at our house with the grandparents and greatgrandparents, some a few balloons up, a nice meal and Birthday cake so nothing big at all. However this evening my uncles wife has just sadly passed away. She had been very sick for many months now so we knew it was coming soon. The people coming tomorrow are literally my DH parents and my mum only. Now I don't know what to do about tomorrow as on one hand, my side of the family is grieving however it is still my little girls first birthday and the gathering was only 5 of us being (me, DD, DH, In-laws and mum) I'm not sure whether going ahead with that small celebration at home would seem insensitively. Any advice please xx

Of course you go ahead. Nobody would take offence.

Take comfort in each other and your growing little girl.

Go head with it OP. I’m sure your uncle wouldn’t mind at all.

My granny ( love of my life special person) died the early hours of my daughter's baptism. I have them done early she wasn't even 2 weeks unexpected just small family gathering and I was told to still go ahead and the party after became a mini wake before the wake. I was adamant I was cancelling but I was told by my mum it was what my grandad wanted and life still goes on. Won't lie was bloody horrendous all who turned up crying and I do not remember it. However years later I was glad I did it as mad as it sounds. Life should be celebrated and your baby turning 1 is bloody awesome and with that comes life still going on. Enjoy every second and do every thing you planned and if anyone turns around and says otherwise a simple fuck off with your opinion will do. Maybe invite your uncle so you can feed him and distract him our daughter was a great distraction with the grief we all were going through xx

Sorry for your loss.
I wold ask them.

On the one hand, your little one will have no idea whatsoever it is her birthday, ad you can do the tea party in a month or whenever you think it is better.
OTOH, your Mum can't do anything tomorrow, in terms of arrangements etc., and she might be as happy to come round and have some company with you.
Could go either way so I think you need to ask.

Ask your family if they're happy to go ahead; I'd imagine they'd love to celebrate quietly at home with you and your DD tomorrow.

Go ahead with the little party. If it was your DDs Aunt it would different.

I might cheer your parents up, every cloud and all that.

Hope your DD has a special 1st Birthday, enjoy.

My mother died on the day of my DD's first birthday. We had always planned a party on the next day not the day of anyway but we decided to go ahead.
I must admit I was wracked with guilt considering not celebrating and you know it helped a bit to have a bit of happiness in the darkness.
I am so glad I did go ahead as I still remember it fondly but it was difficult at the time, especially opening the cards and presents my mum had wrapped up for her before she went into the hospice.

Thank you all for your opinions, my mum has gone to see him tonight and she'll be back tomorrow. They are understanding right now

*It not I

My LO was born in 15th Dec and my Grandad died on New Years Day. My family went to the hospital to say a final goodbye but they were too late. They came home from the hospital and between us we cooked a lovely roast dinner and sat in his house and are it together as a family. Together. It was the loveliest thing on a sad day.

I would chat to your mum (presuming PIL don't know your aunt) and let her know that she doesn't have to come if she doesn't want to (she might not feel like socialising. I would still go ahead with the small gathering though, your little one won't know and it will be nice to have a spot of happiness. You also need to think about what your aunt would have wanted, I would imagine she would want the little party to go ahead.

Take guidance from how your family feels. I'd definitely have them over as planned, but maybe make it a bit less 'hyper' than planned.

Sometimes seeing an elderly relative die after a long life, and then seeing a new baby/youngster, can help people put things in perspective - death, but also remember people at the start of their life.

Your mum will want to be there and so will your PILs. My beloved grandmother died on my DD2’s first birthday - my Dad rang to tell me that evening after the kids were all in bed. Now several years on, it’s just one of those things. Keep focused on your DD.

For my way of thinking, life I’d for the living! Your little girls birthday is more important. Enjoy your party for her and stuff anyone who feels they need to be miserable.

Go ahead with the party. But please be polite to them. Ask them what you can do to help after the party. My grandma passed away the day my son and daughter turned 1. I held a small dinner party at my apartment to celebrate and invited my grandfather round. He personally appreciated the distraction. For him personally getting out of his house and socialising helped.
But everyone needs to deal with grief in their own way. Possibly you should help with her funeral arrangements.

I agree with knitting, life is for the living. And I'd have to believe your aunt would want you to celebrate your little one's life as planned.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Thank you all, we will go ahead with the small celebration, I was thinking of inviting my uncle, it might help to distract him a little x

I would definitely invite your uncle, and talk about your auntie and how she would have loved it. This seemed to comfort my dad and grandad when widowed, to know others were thinking of their spouse too.

I'm sorry for your loss