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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a man who has sex with a woman asleep is rapinhg her

41 replies

abacucat · 20/10/2018 17:08

You can not consent to sex if you are asleep. And having sex in the past does not mean you consent aitomatically to sex for ever more with that man.

OP posts:
John4703 · 20/10/2018 18:10

As a man I'd say that sex without consent is wrong and is rape.
I enjoy sex with my wife but that is because we both enjoy it.
Sex by a man on a woman without the woman enjoying it as well is wrong.
Even that expression Sex by a man on a woman sounds bad to me.

PurpleDaisies · 20/10/2018 18:11

As a man I'd say that sex without consent is wrong and is rape.

Why on earth did you feel you needed to add “as a man” to that? Surely, as a human being sex without consent is wrong.

Alpacanorange · 20/10/2018 18:11

Of course it is rape. I actually am concerned that you need confirmation. I hope you are ok.

GreenLantern53 · 20/10/2018 18:13

my ex did this a couple of times and we never spoke about it before hand or after for that matter but i didnt feel like i was raped hence the “depends on the person comment”.

PurpleDaisies · 20/10/2018 18:13

Even that expression Sex by a man on a woman sounds bad to me.

It isn’t an expression. No one says that. You have sex WITH a person, with their explicit consent.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 20/10/2018 18:14

Yes

Hope you are ok OP Flowers

Sunflowersforever · 20/10/2018 18:18

@GreenLantern53

Did you wake up to find he was penetrating you? If that's what you're saying, I would feel so violated by that. That isn't consent.

If he slowly woke you up with cuddling before commencing on a mutually consensual experience, that is different.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/10/2018 18:23

Green if you woke up with a penis inside you it's great you don't feel that was traumatic. I'm really glad. But legally (and morally as far as I am concerned) it is rape. Sex without consent is rape.

Sunflowersforever · 20/10/2018 18:23

Also hope you're ok, OP. 

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/10/2018 18:34

"Thinking" doesn't come into it. Its a fact

Rockingthestocking · 20/10/2018 18:50

I hope you're ok OP.
This thread brought back memories of an evening 20 odd years ago. I was 16/17/18 and crashed at a party house. Woke up to find myself being penetrated by this bloke. Not his penis. I sort of pretended to carry on sleeping but moved position so he couldn't continue. As this rape even though it wasn't his penis? I'm fine about it.... dunno why I'm asking really. But as it?

Thisreallyisafarce · 20/10/2018 19:24

This isn't debatable. Sex without consent is rape.

John4703 · 20/10/2018 19:49

PurpleDaisies
As a man I'd say that sex without consent is wrong and is rape.
Why on earth did you feel you needed to add “as a man” to that? Surely, as a human being sex without consent is wrong.
Thank you PurpleDaisies I agree, I was wrong to say "as a man" anyone should see it as wrong. It has to involve consent or it is wrong.

Hidingtonothing · 20/10/2018 19:53

Sexual assault rather than rape I think Rocking, so sorry that happened to you and OP, I hope you’re ok Flowers

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/10/2018 20:03

As above, unless there’s explicit consent to it beforehand, it’s rape.

Why do you ask OP?

Rezie · 20/10/2018 20:33

I isnt an opinion where you can ask about wether it is reasonable or not. It's a rape.

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