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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to want to do this....

17 replies

Betsyboop123 · 20/10/2018 14:27

So my mother was on holiday and hasn't seen her grandkids for a week, dur normally makes the effort to come and see them once-twice a week after school when partner is at work. I am close to my mother and always have been but my partner finds her annoying and avoids her. Anyway I txt and asked my partner if I cud take tge kids swimming Sunday am with my mother as she had asked and offered to pay. My partner kicked off saying I was selfish weekends are family time, he only sees them evenings and weekends. I said we would only be hour and half and wud have most the day as a family before we go his families house. Thing is some weekends he doesn't bother with the kids and we sit in or he wants to go out as a family, or he goes out to watch footy alone or with one of the kidd... It all seems to be based on how he feels and what he wants to do. I didn't think I was bring unreasonable it is a rare thing that I go do my own thing or take the kids off alone.... Am i being selfish?

OP posts:
confusedandemployed · 20/10/2018 14:28

Why do you need permission to take your own kids swimming?

BoomTish · 20/10/2018 14:29

Am i being selfish?

No, you’re being controlled.

BertrandRussell · 20/10/2018 14:30

That shouldn't have been an "ask". It should at most have been a "just to let you know".

Cherries101 · 20/10/2018 14:30

Your problem here is that you have to ask for his permission to take your kids out on weekends. It seems like everything family orientated is on his terms. That’s not on.

Alfie19 · 20/10/2018 14:31

It’s only an hour and half so I think he is over reacting, although I think he should be invited too?

Doyoumind · 20/10/2018 14:31

He's a dick. You don't need his permission.

PositiveVibez · 20/10/2018 14:31

Wow. You asked his permission to take your kids swimming?

Your mum can only visit your home when he isn't there?

He sounds like an arsehole.

Aprilislonggone · 20/10/2018 14:31

So he doesn't like your dm because she takes your attention away from him? Correct?

Alfie19 · 20/10/2018 14:31

I also thought asking him was odd.

CharlotteWebb · 20/10/2018 14:34

You shouldn’t have to ask him to take the kids swimming and he shouldn’t have kicked off. I kind of see where he’s coming from ‘family time’ but clearly he didn’t handle this conversation very well

Betsyboop123 · 20/10/2018 14:37

Thank u for the advice. I didn't ask cos he moans when I see my mom and says I have a disfunctional relationship with her and she moans about her condition, also I don't enjoy being around him much anymore. I have started to realise he is subtly controlling but I have lost the ability to decifer what is him being unreasonable or me being selfish. Do you see family swimming etc where you don't invite your partner? Thank u x

OP posts:
Betsyboop123 · 20/10/2018 14:40

We have family time any weekend ye feels he wants it or isn't off out watching footy etc. I can't remember the last time I saw my family on the weekend at a planned thing. I see them if he's out ill ask my sis if she wants to take them the park etc. Is it just normal relationship arguement or him being controlling would you say? X

OP posts:
mummyinmanchester · 20/10/2018 14:40

He's controlling. Does he ask you when he pisses off to the football of a weekend? Alienating from family (his reasons for doing so sound flimsy at best) is a massive red flag for emotional abuse.

Betsyboop123 · 20/10/2018 14:44

No he tells me right before he goes most the time then tells me had told me days ago lol. Thank u I'm trying to clear my head and see things from a clear perception before I get serious about leaving x

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 20/10/2018 14:51

There is nothing “lol” about him lying to you that he’s told you about football, when he hasn’t.

And Confused to his wanting family time, and in the same sentence you say about going to his family.

You have already seen through his shit. Next step is deciding what to do about it, so that you can have a normal life where you don’t need permission to take your kids out.

Betsyboop123 · 20/10/2018 15:16

Thank you Ellisandra, your right I'm starting to see through his shit, I have spoke to womens aid and am meeting up with someone from there soon, I wrote down his behaviour for him and she said he is emotionally abusive and cohesive or something. I want that but I jsut want to make sure I wasn't being selfish as he does work 9-6 in the week. I do really want out but am quite scared. I'm sure wa will be really helpful x

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 20/10/2018 15:19

Really glad you’re in touch with WA. Good luck Flowers

(suspect coercive not cohesive)

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