.... to ask for your experiences as a mature students at uni? Because mine is horrible...

[DisillusionedMatureStudent]

NC, because I can't be sure if some of my "dearest" classmates are here...

I am really suffering now. We are just in the first month and I have now fully realised that people revert back to being 13. Gossips, shouting, bullying. I have not expected that from mature students ages 30-60.

Not all of them are bad, but the majority just, I guess, decided that the age means that they are never wrong (they are often) and can talk to others any way they fancy.

I have been shouted at for doing what I was assigned to do by tutors, laughed at for having my notes and work up to date, shunned and god knows what gossips circulate about me. I am now by myself during breaks just so I wouldn't have to be in a dining room with these few. The 18-year-olds never say anything to them, IMHO just because of the age and they tend to keep away from us older ones now. It's nice to see young ones being respectful to someone 3 times their age, but god, respect is earned, not given right.

I am usually the type of person who stands up for themselves and is not afraid to say when something is wrong, but in this situation, I am actually on a verge of crying, because I worked bloody hard to get here and now I don't want to be here. So I am alternating between anger and sadness.

I have never had a problem with bullies or people like that before and I can't believe that I have to deal with it at my age and at uni.

Does anyone have any experience? Please tell me this will sort itself out... I have kind of given up on hoping I would find friends in there, but I just want peace and not this kind of environment.

I struggled as a mature student. I was about 27 and deemed too young for the other mature students but too old for the younger ones. I eventually made some friends in both groups but it was hard work and I didn't realy feel like I belonged to either group fully, if that makes sense. It was difficult because I've never had a problem making friends/getting on with people before. Uni is a strange little microcosm. Don't give up.

Really important not to dumb yourself down or hide your light under a bushel because of twats. Remember who will write your references at the end: not the twats.

Be genuinely eager and driven without being over-competitive with others (unless they decide to overtly compete with you, in which case, eat them for breakfast).

OP that's why I chose not to do this - but you will find that things will change - go to the library & ignore sit at the front & listen - believe me the tutors will have noticed & they wont like these prats either!

@EveryNameYouTake I was about a same age when I've done 1 one year course and it there was no issues, have number of friends we keep in contact with and I was talking with everyone. It wasn't a uni nad I honestly thought it's going to be even better or at least same.

Thank you all

Op cont actually what happened to me is I went to see tutor about something else & they brought the subject up because they all noticed it & asked me what I wanted to do! I chose to leave it but just the fact that they were behind me was great. it made all the difference - as stated the tutor referred to these student as the "coven" so when ever they behave like that I bore that it mind - it wasn't a compliment! But I made friends with other students as the course went on & believe me this group were not as popular as they seemed to think - hang in there! :)

Thank you @mumsastudent it's great to hear they see these things qnd it's great to hear you are doing great.
Thank you x

I’m currently a mature student, I’ve also name changed. I’m in my early 20s but I definitely feel a lot older and part of a different group to my peers. Most of them are lovely but I’m struggling with my own issues. I have poor health and I’m playing catch up and I’m incredibly anxious about it all. I’ve four weeks work to catch up with and an assignment and test I’ve still got to do and I’m stressed about all that, then there are issues with sorting student finance because they’ve messed it up so I’m waiting for letters from GP’s and printing evidence to explain my poor health and why they should pay my tuition fee otherwise I’m out and I’m totally screwed.

I was with 18+ year olds at 29. It's lovely. I did accept my experience would be different to theirs. I lowered my expectations to be honest. It's not going to be the same for you.

Lonely, not lovely

Looking back on my time as a student I want to apologise for any mature students that had the misfortune to be in the same classes as myself or my pals.

We found their studious nature annoying, plus always asking questions and wanting to know everything a bit frustrating.

Of course now as an adult I cringe about my beliefs - lucky enough to have parents funding my stay and not being overly bothered about studying too hard .

To get attitude from other mature students though is just weird, perhaps they are jealous.

Hang in there OP. First degree course I was young and shy and though I made friends most were not on my course.
Second time as a mature student I loved it and made some enduring friendships mainly with other mature students who like me, were mothers.
Third time the young were in the minority. More experienced mature students were generally protective of the mature first timers.
Try to meet students with whom you have other things I common, away from your lectures. If you’re lucky the may be on your course. This is the best time to take your courage in your hands and strike up conversations with students by themselves - many will be feeling as out on a limb and as unusure as you are.
Good luck

I started my undergraduate degree at 28 and found it incredibly difficult at first because of the behaviour of some (most, probably) of the 18-year-olds - chatting during lectures, never doing the reading, constantly asking if we could finish sessions early, and generally acting as if it were compulsory year 11 maths that they hated instead of a degree course that they were paying to study.

I got on really well with a group of international students in their early twenties, and a few 40+ mature students, but until I found them I'd have said that I'd made a terrible mistake in going. OP, I hope you find a similar group of likeminded people, of whatever age!

When I was a mature student I was like the pack leader (not by choice). I was the only woman and the only one over 30. I was also the most organised and, dare I say it, the smartest. As a result all the young guys followed me round like lost puppies.

Hi DisillusionedMatureStudent, I'm so sorry that you're having this experience. I'm currently a mature undergrad student and at times I've felt quite isolated as the only mature student on my course. The younger students are generally nice enough, but a 20 year age gap means we don't really have a lot in common other than the course.

Does your university have a mature students society or network? I found the network at my university a real lifeline, I'm now really close friends with people who I met at the first social event I went to, and I try to get to as many events as possible so I'm always meeting new people... it just gave me the chance to meet others who were in the same boat as me even if we weren't studying the same thing.

If there isn't anything like that perhaps you could start one? xx

@ButchyRestingFace - Loughborough?! My experience was the same if so!

Are you in residence, away from home, and doing a course with a lot of contact hours? That's how this reads.

The obvious advice would be to treat it like a job, go in for contact sessions, focus on the task not the people and get the job done. Be pleasant, don't shut the door on them.

(Then maybe some will come to you later, when they realise you know what you're doing and they've spend the first month in a mid-life crisis / freshers frenzy alcoholic haze and, start to drift away from their instant-mates, as they to get to know each other better. Or, they might form a course-long clique while you study hard and make friends elsewhere, could happen.)

Then, in your own time, find other people, who you like, to spend time with. Did you get to Freshers' Fair? You can join in with all sorts of things as and when it occurs to you to do so. Look for the mature students' group and any other relevant interest groups.

I don't quite understand why you'd feel you need to socialise with your classmates. Unless you're all 9-5 somewhere isolated that no-one leaves for lunch.

@ButchyRestingFace - Loughborough?! My experience was the same if so!

Nope, and I turned down a world top 20 (if you believe the QS ranking system) to go to this one.

Nothing to say it wouldn't have been the same experience there though, given that the course attracts a very high Chinese intake.

Hi. I am living in my own house. Unfortunately though I haven't had a chance to really make many friends in a city in last few years. I have handful, faithful but we are all on completely different schedules so it's hard to see each other.

I am looking into societies now and clubs. You are all right.

I don't quite understand why you'd feel you need to socialise with your classmates. Unless you're all 9-5 somewhere isolated that no-one leaves for lunch.
I just thought it's what we all are supposed to do se we are in it all together.
Come to think of it... The only reason really was trying to so I wouldn't be alone that few hours during breaks. It is a high contact course and campus is bit out of a city so everyone stays in all day. I will just find a new area farther away from the dining room in some nice cafe.

Honestly, thank you all. I have calmed down now and actually told myself off for being so upset over someone trying to be the "mean girls" and target practicing on me. Well, women in this case.

Oh my @BuntyBearBess! I hope this gets sorted soon! Student finance did mess about some students in here too. 4 weeks of catch up is a lot, but I am sure you will manage xx Unfortunately I am not in a position to give out any tips. Because I have none. Yet.

What did it say in Brideshead Revisited - something like you will spend most of the second term trying to evade the unsuitable friends you made in the first.

I'm a mature student on a nursing course, so plenty of others more mature than me and a few young ones too. Many came in from doing access together so had friendship groups already. There has been some cliqueness but the bitching tends to be between the ones who already new each other so I haven't paid much attention. Apparently our year is very good, other years have had huge drama! We've had a few small ones but nothing terrible. I tend to hang out with the only male mature student or a few of the women who didn't know anyone when they joined. I'm also a bit of a loner though and like to sit in my car and chill out when it all gets overwhelming!

I probably annoy people as I'm the know it all in our class, very few people speak up in lectures so I tend to talk a lot!

I've not been a mature student but when I was an 18 year old undergraduate there was a 60+ mature student on a couple of our courses. She was amazing and we happily adopted her into our group and socialised with her at lunchtime (she didn't go in for the evening drinking sessions). I even invited her to my 21st party. Don't write off the younger students to talk to; you can strike up conversation in passing or sitting beside them. They may well be as nervous as you about the hags so you may have to make the first move to show that you're not like the rest.

Hello all!

Firstly I would like to thank you for your kind words before and thought I might give you an update.

So after spending few days by myself (most efficient days ever tbh), I was paired up for a project with someone I haven't had a chance to speak before.

And it is a very much likeminded person and I am now a happy member of their little group which actually wants to study, prepares for projects and no one there takes a mickey out of you when you have proper notes (or when you forget them)! They are now working with me on a massive project one lecturer asked me to do and it is just such a difference compared to before. Everything is going smoothly.

The other group still continues to be odd and the "leader" is still vile and aggressive when we accidentally cross path (never in front of others though....), but since I am feeling much better, it doesn't bother me as much as it did before. I am just letting it go now and will concentrate on my studies and plenty of projects to do. I believe in Karma.

So thank you all for the advice, which was boss and helped.
I still feel quite embarrassed about all of it. I am an adult woman after all and never expected I will end up crying over something like this. I think I was just caught up by surprise because I would never expect someone who is my mum's age to behave like that.

Happy Halloween!

I think your belief in Karma will carry you through. I found, when I was a mature student, that there was a massive dropout rate, as we were studying on top of day jobs and it needed real commitment; the ones who stayed the course (sorry for the pun) were the ones I guess others would find a bit dull, doing boring things like keep up with the work. As somebody upthread has already said, just wait until the marks start coming in, and deadlines loom.
I guess because I had already had the "advantage" of being a student once before in my (rather flighty) late teens, I felt no compulsion to recapture those heady, carefree days. You will never know what hangups the bullies are working through; just detach.
I did find that a cheerful admission that, yes I was really boring, wasn't I, used to banjax them. Rumours die the death when they get no reaction. We "survivors" settled down into a cohesive, supportive bunch who communicated well with the youngsters, even making some lasting friendships. (I am now godmother and honorary Auntie to three offspring of the younger group as they moved on with their lives in their turn).
Anyway, you seem to have sorted out a more congenial group now, so leave the silly ones to their silliness; my prediction is, their ranks will clear somewhat before next term!

When I was at uni I made friends with one of the mature students on my course, a lady in her 50s I think, and she'd invite me to her house and we hung out during breaks etc. I was 19/20 at the time. Don't write off the younger ones.