To just want to be left alone

[SpikyHair]

HUGE introvert here.

Always have been. Even as a child I'd sometimes skip the games all the other kids were playing and go and find a corner to daydream in. I have loving parents and family, I have amazing friends, I love seeing them and spending time with them. But I need so much time on my own I sometimes wonder if I'm normal.

I prefer to shop alone, I prefer to holiday alone, I even (sometimes, not always) prefer to eat out alone. I go for long walks by myself (I'm lucky enough to live by the sea). At this time of year in particular I love to just shut the door on a Saturday morning and hibernate for the rest of the weekend without seeing anyone.

I've warned the man in my life that I will probably never, ever be ready to live with someone full time. I will never have children. I don't like being needed by anyone. I'm selfish. I have no tolerance at all. I absolutely hate noise.

I do socialise, I do have conversations with people. I'm a good friend and I have a great sense of humour and I like having a laugh with people. But I probably have to spend 70% of my time on my own. My social battery dies quickly.

I often feel more lonely in a crowd of people than I do when I'm alone and I can just be by myself. I went on a hen do a few years ago with a load of people in Barcelona. It was awful.

Is anyone else out there a total fucking loner? 🤣

There’s a really big difference between being a loner and an introvert.

There’s a really big difference between being a loner and an introvert. I'd heard the definition that an extrovert needs to be with people to recover from time alone, and an introvert needs time alone to recover from being with people. So I'm not sure what being a loner is and what is being an introvert, and whether they overlap.

I know how you feel OP. Talking to other people is something I have to have time to recover from.

There's nothing wrong with that tho. I do get lonely if I'm on my own too much. It's all about balance I suppose.

I am also an introvert. I always loved being on my own & still do. I do have kids but they are 20 & 16 so thankfully not much minding on them anymore. I’ve been single for 16 years & will stay that way forever. I have loads of friends & will socialize & occasionally have a girlie weekend away but I love my weekends to myself with nothing to do. I work from home too (childminder) so don’t have to keep up any chat with other adults. Although the chat with the mindees is constant lol. My kids know when my last mindee is gone home they need to leave me alone for about an hour just so I can have some quiet. I’d go insane if I didn’t get alone time.

Some people can find others emotions and interactions with them overwhelming. I know from being in the classroom for 6.5hrs with 30 others needing my help and attention, I need time out after to wind down from it all. It's sensory overload for me otherwise.

I think as long as you are happy with how you are is what matters. If you are not happy is when there is conflict and that's when talking it through may help.

I think that just do what’s right for you. It’s good that you have laid all your cards on the table for your man. At least his expectations of you can now be realistic. There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert. I need time to recover from social situations. I like shopping alone and eating alone and walking the dogs alone. I also enjoy spending time with my husband and sister and friends. I fought against my introverted ways for a long time because I thought I wasn’t normal but honestly it just made me anxious and unhappy. I don’t want children because I like freedom and hate excessive noise too. Just do what feels right and makes you happy. Life is too short to try and be someone you’re not.

If someone (say in the staff room or my next door neighbour) tries to start a conversation and I'm not in the mood to talk I find myself giving one word answers or shrugging, desperately hoping they'll take the hint. Even though inside I'm begging myself to fake enthusiasm because I truly don't want to offend anyone, but the older I get the less social energy I have.

I could have written your post OP.

Mostly people don't get it, they think I'm a miserable cow (I can be!) People drain me.

I have a partner like this. There is truly nothing wrong with it, it's just how you (and he) are wired :)

I'm not a total misery arse though! Sometimes I can be chatty and having a laugh with all the kids at a party etc. But I find I'm most like this in a situation I know I can remove myself from whenever I like i.e "I don't mind being sociable as fuck, make as much mayhem and small talk as you like everyone. Because in two hours I'll be driving away on my own"

Lol, my partner wouldn't even go that far. He's now retired and has taken the opportunity to finally stop forcing himself to socialise when he doesn't want to. He has a little cocoon of a quite world, his home and the little number of people he is happy to be around. I am happy to be included in that circle :) but glad for him he doesn't feel compelled to drain his energy on socialising for the sake of it.